The One Where I Vent about Everyone Thinking I Need a Boyfriend

I swear. I cannot go 24 hours in this place without someone saying something like:

• "Doesn't that make you want a boyfriend?"
• "Just wait till you have a boyfriend."
• "If you could date one guy at Trinity, who would it be? Just one?"
• "If you could bring one guy to the wedding, who would it be?"
• "Do you think he is cute?"
• "What about....*insert chosen name here*"
• "Don't you just want to get married?"

And my personal favorite:

• "You need a boyfriend."

No. No I absolutely do not, thank you very much.

Few things irritate me as much as these conversations. I try to tolerate them. I take it, because I know that at heart, they are mostly joking with me. 

Except that when it happens EVERY. DAY. Or every time we watch a movie. It gets to the point where it makes me feel like crap.

Yes, I know I don't have a boyfriend. It doesn't bug me. Believe it or not, it really doesn't bother me in the slightest. I love my life the way it is and have fully accepted that if the Lord wants me to date someone, He will make that very clear to me. And I'm in absolutely no hurry to date again. But I don't need daily reminders that I don't have a boyfriend. Because then it seems like it is a problem. Which makes it seem like I, myself, am not enough. 

I am at a point in my life where I definitely do not need, or want, a boyfriend.

I am about to go into student teaching. That's a full-time job. Plus the planning that comes with that. 

I am in my last semester of college. I want to be spending my free time with my friends. I want the freedom to do what I want, when I want. Overall, at this point in my life, I value my independence all too much to date anyone. 

If all goes as planned, next fall I am going to have a teaching job.  They say your first year of teaching is the most difficult and the most busy. It certainly wouldn't be fair to the guy to be gone or exhausted all the time. I'd rather get my feet in my career first, then figure out the guy later. If there will even be one. 

Few things drive me as crazy as people complaining about not having a boyfriend. Yes, maybe at times it would be nice. Such as when there is a huge spider above your dresser and it really needs to die. But is your happiness really that dependent on having a boyfriend? If so, you need to evaluate your life. 

I guess all that is to say, if you have a friend, sister, family member etc that doesn't have a boyfriend, leave it be. She doesn't need your reminders that she doesn't have one. She knows. Maybe it bothers her. Maybe it doesn't in the slightest. But your words can make her feel horrible, even if she is completely content with where she is in life. Don't make her feel like she isn't enough. 

We are strong independent women. Let us be so. There's nothing wrong with that. 

Here's some of my favorite Jane Austen quotes to further prove my point. And because I can't figure out how to end this post. 

Training at Elim

Part of the requirement for student-teaching at Elim is that you go through the full week of training that Elim puts all of their staff through- whether that be teachers, paraprofessionals, behavior therapists, nursing staff, or other professionals who are involved in the lives of the students that attend the school. The same goes for student-teachers. Over the course of last week I completed this training and while parts of it were exhausting, I have come away from training with this:

I am certain that I want to be at Elim for the rest of my life.

On the first day of training we were introduced to the President of Elim. In about a half hour he spoke to use about how and why he came to Elim and why he felt that Elim's mission was so important. Everything that he said was so spot on with what I believe and how I feel that I literally sat there thinking "I don't want to be anywhere else." Friends, this school is the real deal. Here's why:

#1: They recognize that people with disabilities are here to further God's kingdom: In one of my courses this semester at Trinity (Professor Harkema's class, by the way), we spent several hours discussing how people with disabilities fit into God's plan. (If you want to read an amazing book about people with disabilities and God, I highly recommend this book. Even if you just have the slightest interest as to why God allows disability- read it). There's no easy answer to why God allows disability. But we do know that God uses people with disabilities to further His kingdom.

#2: Elim recognizes that we need people with disabilities just as much as they need us: One thing that I am quick to call people out on is their thinking that individuals with disabilities are helpless and that we must help or "save" them, because often times, especially when it comes to individuals with profound disabilities, it is easy to think they are incapable of achieving anything without our help. Yet often times, we forget that we need them. They teach us perseverance. They teach us patience. They show us what unconditional love looks like. They teach us to see joy in the midst of trial. They show us that attitude is everything. We need them.  

#3: Elim recognizes that our faith plays a huge role in how we treat people with disabilities:  Faith and disability at Trinity go hand in hand. From the start, we are taught to connect the two. Our faith and what we believe about God directly impacts how we think about people with disabilities. For example, we believe that God is sovereign. That means He has allowed disability to exist. Grapple with that one for a moment; think about what that looks like to a family who has a child with a severe disability. God has allowed that disability. There is no easy answer as to why. But if all is in His control, He has allowed it. We believe that each person was individually created by God, uniquely designed for a specific purpose. Which could be a point all in itself. 

#4: Elim recognizes that ALL people are uniquely and purposefully designed by God: Here's the thing friends. We all have gifts and talents. Some of us are called to be nurses. Teachers. Counselors. Therapists. The list goes on and on. We all have purpose- a plan that has been created for us. That applies to ALL people. Even those with the most severe disabilities. I think of one of my Elim students, who couldn't speak, yet had such a profound influence on those around him. I think of Jacob who loves so unconditionally that it makes me cry. Their purpose may be different. It may be the same. What matters is we all have a purpose. Disability or not. 

I'm not quite sure what my purpose is yet. I know I have been called to teach. I know that I want to be at Elim. But I'm not sure where the Lord will take me in this next year or so. But I do know that Elim has captured my heart. And that come March, I'm going to be working there with a fabulous group of students. And I can't wait for that adventure to begin.

The End of the Last Beginning

(In other words, the end of my first semester of senior year). This post is nothing special. I'm too tired to actually write anything interesting, which means this post will probably actually be all over the place in an unorganized mess of thoughts. But here's what's on my mind about the end of the semester, if you want to keep on reading. 

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I'm not sure that I have fully processed the fact that last week I finished my last set of college finals.

I'm not sure that it's really hit me yet that next semester, I won't be in the classroom with the group of people that have become my family.

I'm not sure that I've processed the fact that next semester, I'll be in a classroom from 8am-4pm every day- working and teaching like I will be hopefully for the rest of my life.

The end of this semester was nothing like I pictured it to be. It was rushed due to training at Elim (I'll have a post on that by the end of the day), and it seemed like everyone was gone on break before I could even snap my fingers.

Really- the end of the semester was just that- the end. It's over. Just like every other semester. It doesn't feel any different. Yet. I'm waiting for that to hit me.

There was only one point of the end of this semester that really got me. It was realizing that next semester I won't be learning under Professor Harkema. That realization hit me in the middle of November and as soon as it hit I realized that we (the seniors) had about 3 weeks to figure out how we could express our thanks to her for all she has taught us.

After a crazy 3 weeks, we ended up with this. I worked on it for hours and am SO happy with how it turned out.

We ended up showing the video to her in our last class period together. While a lot of people had already seen the video, it was Professor Harkema's first time seeing it. After we showed it, she thanked us with words that I will never forget. She told us all that we were ready to go out and further God's kingdom, that we were going to make a difference, and that she was proud of us. That was the only time I cried about the semester ending. 

But now that it has ended, I'm trying to process it. I think being at Elim every day from 8am-4pm for the past week has kept me from really processing much of anything, which may be a blessing in disguise. 

While I may not know what next semester holds, there is one thing I do know. I am incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to learn under amazing professors here the past few years (especially Professor Harkema). I firmly believe that they have prepared me for next semester, though it may look different from anything I've seen yet. And so while the idea of student teaching is terrifying, it is also so exciting. I know I'm ready. And I know I'm going to learn so much. And I can't wait.