Miranda

Please be in prayer for the Jackson and Balluch families in the upcoming weeks. Today little Miranda Jackson lost her two year battle with leukemia and is now with Jesus in heaven. 

Just a note....

Just a note to say, I really love notes. I love writing them. I love getting them. I love them in general.

For those of you who know me at all, you know that I'm a note writer. I write notes all the time. (If I'm aware you're having a hard time, or you have a big test, or you're crazy stressed, chances are, you'll get a note). I write them whenever I feel like it really. Sometimes to encourage people in specific ways, other times just to let people know they are loved and appreciated. I've written notes for people since I can remember, it's just one of my "things".  

People who know me well also know that while I adore writing notes, I also love getting them. It's kind of my weakness. (whenever I get a man, he better write me some cute cards...and I'm holding you all responsible to make sure he does k? okay just kidding. kind of.) I still have almost all of the notes I can remember ever being given. I have a box of notes people have written me in my closet here at Trinity, as well has boxes at home. I have notes tacked up on the back of my desk that I can see every day. I just love notes.

So today I've been feeling kind of sick and lousy. I've been in pretty good spirits for the most part, but about an hour ago I just started feeling sucky and tired. I decided to take a 5 minute power nap (okay 15 minutes) and when I woke up and opened the door, there was a note with my name on it hanging there. My whole day was made as I read over the cute encouraging card a friend down the hall had written me. And it put me in such a good mood all over again. 

Learn to love and find joy in the little things because sometimes, it's the little things that make such a huge difference.

Sometimes Joy Shows Up When You Least Expect It

Warning- blogging is therapeutic. This is going to be one of those types of blogs. And it might be a bit all over the place.

The last thing I thought I would be blogging about this week is joy.

In fact, the list of ideas I had for blog posts were far from it. This week has been a week filled with heartbreak, sadness, and some sort of deep emptiness I don't think I could ever put into words. Many tears have been shed, many fists pounded, many emotions have been flying around. 

But I realized last night that most of my time this week, or even in these past few weeks, has been spent being consumed by all of the hard circumstances going on. And while I haven't been  "depressed" there's been a constant sadness inside of me that has been almost controlling me. Yes, I've had my moments where something hilarious happens and I laugh till I cry. I've rejoiced in the moments when God reveals more of Himself to me. But I'd say about 75% of my time these past weeks has been filled with sadness.

Where did my joy go?

That's the question I asked myself at 11:00 last night as I sat in my bed, Bible open, and tears flowing. My devotional for the morning had talked about not letting Satan steal our joy. I had kind of blown it off because I didn't think it really applied to me. "Sure, I'm joyful enough". It wasn't until looking back on the past weeks that I realized my joy was gone. And I didn't know where it was.

I have this tendency to not deal with things. I push them deep down inside of me and let them sit there and nag at me until I am so filled with hurt and pain I explode on someone, or even on myself. I don't deal with it until I absolutely have to. 

The problem with this is it does create this ever present sadness inside of me, even if I am not fully conscious of it at the time. It creates feelings like:

I'm not good enough.
I failed her, again.
I'm not who I should be.
I'm not strong enough.

And the list goes on. Last night as I sat in my bed I dug deep inside myself, into the secret chambers I've been hiding my pain in. And as I sat there crying I got on on paper all my feelings, insecurities, fears, and things that I now know have been holding me back.  It was one of the most freeing feelings in the world. And let me tell you, digging inside of yourself to pull out all the ugliness is not fun. It's scary, and sometimes I think you learn things about yourself that you didn't know before. But I did it. And there was a joy that came with it. A joy that I know came directly from God. Because I would have never made it through these past few days without Him.

We have to be careful not to let Satan steal our joy. We have to be careful not to let circumstances get us to the point where we are sad all the time. We have to guard ourselves and not let our problems consume us. It's unhealthy. 

So for now, I'm working on getting my joy back.

And this is something that has brought me joy today.

What has brought you joy today? Tell me about it! Leave a comment, text me, or walk over and tell me(For all you trin people). Sharing joy creates joy. :)

Thankful

I have come to realize something this week. I do not spend enough time being thankful for everything I have. Really, when was the last time I sat down and wrote out a list of things I was thankful for? I'm just going to share a few things that I've been especially thankful for this past week.

First of all, I am so, so thankful for the all powerful, amazing, awesome, mighty, loving, caring, firm, gentle, incredible God we have. God did some powerful things in my life this weekend/week. He broke me,  and is now putting me back together in ways I would have never thought possible.

I am so thankful for Lette. I know I mentioned her in my last blog post, but she's going to get mentioned again just because I am so thankful for her.

Lette has been such a blessing and encouragement to my heart these past few weeks, but this week especially. I've really been able to open up and let her into some of the hardest and darkest parts of my life and have learned to trust her completely. That's pretty big for me...It usually takes me much much longer to open up about anything, but especially some of what I've been able to share with her this week. It just goes to show that God is using her in my life right now. And it's so true. She's been such an incredible blessing to me. I really don't know what I would have done without her this week. God has blessed me so much by putting her in my life and has really helped me be able to open up with her. And I feel like I really can open up with her because I know she wont judge me. She really has a way of seriously caring for people without ever judging them, which is such a blessing. She's so loving and encouraging. I only hope I will be able to encourage her too. 

I am thankful for these 4 girls.

They constantly fill my life with love, laughter and joy and I am so thankful for each and every one of their friendships. My life would so not be there same without them. I am so grateful that I was able to develop strong friendships freshman year, because this year would be way harder without them!

I am super, super thankful for this building.

Living in Tibstra Hall is such a huge blessing. While I hate living in a different building then my 4 girls pictured above, I am so thankful for Tibstra.  It's just such a fantastic place to live. This past week we had several building events that turned out great and I love the community that Tibstra is. Lette said it's like a neighborhood where all the families know eachother, and it's so true. It's great.

I am thankful for this girl-

This is Alyssa, and she is another one of those people God is really using in my life right now. She is so kind and sweet and just genuinely cares for others. Alyssa and I are a lot alike in many ways, including that we both just like taking care of other people and don't necessarily always like being taken care of. But because of that we are good friends for eachother, because I think we force the other to accept help sometimes. It's been really awesome to watch our friendship start growing these past weeks.

I'm thankful for Outcry and the blessing it is to be able to worship together with other believers every week. It's such an amazing time and i love feeling God's presence there.

I'm thankful for the beautiful colors on the trees and the coolness of fall. Fall is my favorite season, and I am welcoming it with open arms.

I'm thankful for teacher who is allowing me to teacher aid in her classroom.

I'm thankful for the students I am getting to work with.

I am thankful that I can sit here and write this blog.

There is so much to be thankful for. I have so many more things I would write about if I had time. I challenge you to spend some time just thinking about how blessed you are. You'll be amazed, I promise.