Update on Grandpa

So, can you tell I discovered the Blogger app on my phone? Yippee! Anyways, my grandpa had his cancer surgery yesterday, and is now home, resting, and doing well. Praise Jesus! Now its just a matter of waiting for radiation to start. Please keep him and my family in your prayers. Also, we found out my grandma has to have surgery in January as well, so prayers for her would also be appreciated. Right now we are all just thankful grandpa is home and will spend Christmas with us. God is good.

Relaxation at its finest

This is what I have been doing with my break! :) there is something so wonderful about being able to sit and color and not feel bad about it. I hope you all are enjoying break and relaxing as much as I am! Much love.

1st Semester Sophomore Year- Check!

I'M DONE!!!
I'M HOME!!!!
I'M DONE!!!!!

I'm bored.

Those are the thoughts currently running through my brain. I finally finished up this crazy hectic semester, and boy does it feel good. I made it through one tough week of finals averaging about 4 hours of sleep a day. (That was actually the normal for my whole room this past week) and now I am home cuddled up with my puppy on the couch relaxing for the first time in a long time.


This semester has been amazing, incredibly difficult, encouraging, discouraging, heartbreaking, but wonderful all at the same time. How that is possible I am not exactly sure. Some very hard things happened this semester:

1) My mom was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 
2) My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer
3) My dog died
4) We lost another loved one to cancer
5) Relationships were broken
and more. But through these hard things, there has also been so many good things...

1) My parents and I have developed a closer relationship then ever

2) I developed close relationships with several amaaaazing people on my hall- specifically Lette and Anna
3) I've bonded with my roommates like crazy
4) I've gotten to spend a lot of quality time with my lovely, wonderful Kaity
5) I got to aid in a classroom of 29 amazing little first graders with one amazing cooperating teacher
6) I got to spend a day with Jacob, who makes me so incredibly happy
7) I've found many ways to serve others
8) I think I've grown a lot as a person this semester
9) I've developed relationships with professors that will last all throughout my college experience 

There are so many good things about this semester I could list. Looking back I know these past few months have been incredibly challenging, but also so incredibly rewarding. There were days I didn't know how I was going to keep going, but was constantly reminded through a variety of ways that God is good and He is the rock that pushes me back up when I hit rock bottom. Earlier this week Lette posted a message on her whiteboard that brought both my roommate and I to tears. It said, "Surviving or thriving? Let's glorify God even in the midst of chaos. He's got this." For me, that was the encouragement I needed to get through the rest of the week. I realized that I really was just trying to survive, I wasn't thriving. It was Tuesday night (or very early Wednesday morning) that Lette wrote that message on the white board. And tears streamed down my face as I read the board and then walked up and down our hallway reading the scripture verses that cover our hallway. Our floor theme is a jungle and it is full of "survival tips" or encouraging Bible verses. It was a sweet moment I had with God as I realized He was going to get me through the next days as I finished up finals and had one of the hardest conversations I have had this semester. 


 I am so grateful for this semester and all I have learned, and especially for the relationships I have been able to develop or continue to grow in. I have been blessed with amazing friends.

I am so thankful for all of these people. And I am going to miss them over break, but I am so thankful to be able to be home for the next 3 weeks. I am looking forward to relaxing, spending time with my family, and sleep! And most of all, I am excited to head back to Trinity refreshed, rested, and ready to thrive, not survive. Next semester I am really going to challenge myself to do more, give more, be more, love more, and grow more. I am excited for it and really think that next semester has the potential to be great and I am almost ready to tackle that challenge. 

But first, I'm just going to enjoy being home.  :)

Teacher Aiding

I know I promised this post last night, but things came up. So you are getting it this morning :)

This year I had the opportunity to work in a first glade classroom with 29 little kiddos. Over the past  2 months I have spent 64 hours in the classroom with them, learning side by side them. I can honestly say I have loved every minute of it. There were days I would not want to go because I was having a bad day, and I'd go anyways and end up having a blast with them. I spent countless hours reading to them, working with them one on one, playing games with them, grading their homework, and more. 

Yesterday was my last day, and I was absolutely overwhelmed with the love the kids showed me. I was literally tackled twice, hugged by all individually, some of them even crying. I heard a ton of I love yous, I'll miss yous, and you'll be a great teachers. And the kids each made me a card- and if you know me, you know I love cards.

I was also just extremely touched by my cooperating teacher. She is such a wonderful woman, inside and out. I learned so much from her. I learned how important it is to use positive reinforcement instead of negative. I learned investing time in a kid can change their life. I learned classroom management strategies. I overall just learned a lot about what it means to be a great teacher. Almost every day there were periods of time when it would be just her and I in the classroom and through my talks with her I learned a lot more about myself, and about her. She was an all around just wonderful person, and has told me multiple times now that she is always there for me if I need anything, and to always remember that her door is always open. She wrote me a card as well, and also sent me an email last night that made me cry. 

I am very much going to miss her, and the students. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I've had to do this semester. I think I am definitely going to be one of those teachers that cries at the end of every school year. 

I am so incredibly thankful for the time I got to spend in this classroom. I have learned so much and have grown so much as well.

I can't wait to be a teacher. 

I know I know I know

This semester I have been a blogging mess. I apologize to all of you, including those of you who have been nagging me to write about my life on this thing. :P

But stay tuned. Today is bound to be a day full of joy and sadness, and I promise you all a blog post on it tonight! 

Kaity

People. You all need to know...this girl is wonderful. 

She fills my life with sooooo much joy and happiness. She makes me laugh till I cry, and makes me laugh when I am crying. She is super kind and caring. She is beautiful inside and out. And I am so incredibly grateful that I can call her one of my best friends.

Tonight I got to hang out with her for the first time in a week. I love it when we get to spend time catching up and just chatting and laughing together. Here's some quotes from our evening:


"when you see a window do you ever want to just stick your head out it, or dive out of it and feel the glass crashing?" 

"I wish I was a piece of flem in someones throat...I like flem but some people don't so i'm going to stop talking about it now"

"I want a pacifier don't get me wrong...but im afraid if I get one people will think i need psychiatric help! maybe you can just get my a pacifier for secret time."

"That wasn't as dramatic as i wanted it to be because I got stuck in the blanket"

Follow Up

I know I am behind on my thankful posts, and I'll get to that sometime this week I hope.

But right now I figured I better update you all on my grandpa.

He does officially have cancer, and it is spreading rapidly. As of right now he has decided not to undergo treatment, and wants to spend his time with family and not in the hospital.

My mom and grandma are really pushing for him to do radiation. He will not do chemo, but if radiation is an option they obviously want him to try it. But as of right now it's looking like he will not be undergoing treatment.

Please keep him and my family in your prayers these next weeks. This is not easy for any of us. Many tears have been shed these past few days. Seeing my parents cry lets me know how serious this really is. 

Right now, I'm just praying for a miracle.

Heartache and pain.

The Lucas household is full of pain today.

I'm sitting at home, on a Wednesday afternoon, and nothing feels right.

I got a phone call from my mom about an hour ago saying she was at the Northwestern Hospital in Chicago...we are 99% positive my grandpa has cancer, and it's not looking good.

In case you were wondering, that's my grandpa and little me

Many tears have been shed, and many hearts are breaking. 

Today we also had to say goodbye to my best friend growing up. My sweet Tarzan.

While I knew this day would come eventually, nothing could have prepared me for much it hurts. Saying goodbye to your pet of 13 years is not easy. 

Today is a day of pain and sadness. And while I don't like being sad, sometimes you just can't avoid it. So much has happened in the last hour that my mind doesn't even know what to think. 

Thankful day 10 and 11

Thankful day 10.

Yesterday, I was thankful for Lette. Actually, I'm thankful for Lette every day. 

Lette is just so sweet. Sometimes I don't even know how to handle her awesomeness. She is a fantastic friend. She is always there for me to laugh with, cry with, or run to if I need help. She always goes above and beyond in everything she does and is such a light for Christ. I have so enjoyed getting to know her these past few months, and look forward to getting to know her more in the upcoming months. 

Thankful day 11- which is actually today's post

Today I am thankful for the church I have been attending this semester. The sermon today was so good. And ill probably post about that sometime soon, so thats all im going to say for now.

Thankful day 6, 7, 8, and 9

I know, I know, I know. I'm way behind. This week has been crazy, and blogging has been the last thing on my mind! But I'm here now, and I'm going to make up for my lack of blogging in this post.

Day 6. 

I think this was supposed to be on Tuesday. On Tuesday I was thankful for two girls on my hall. Brie and Alyssa.

Alyssa

Brie

And yes, I did creep on their facebooks to find pictures of them. Brie, Alyssa and I are all in a night class together on Tuesdays. Tuesdays are my bad days. I'm in class for nine and a half hours. One of these classes is Geology, which sucks. It goes from 6 till 9:30 at night. YUCK! These girls make this class bearable. We always manage to have fun, and they always put me in a good mood. :)

Day 7:

This was supposed to be Wednesday....

 Wednesday I was thankful for the teacher I am currently aiding for, Mrs. McClure. Mrs. McClure is one of the craziest, funniest, kindest people I have ever met. She scared me a little at first, but now I just love her. She makes me laugh and I have so enjoyed getting to know her this past month of aiding. We have an awesome relationship and I am so incredibly thankful that I got put with such an amazing teacher my first time in a classroom.
Day 8:
Thursday....Thursday was a loooong day. I was just so tired! But on Thursday I was thankful that I got my SPED presentation over with. It kept me up most of the night on Wednesday, so getting it over with was such a relief! 

Day 9.
Today....Today I am thankful for these 3 little chillins I am babysitting as I write this post- Alex, Evelyn, and Ethan. They are 3 of the cutest, sweetest, craziest, loudest, most adorable kids I have ever babysat. I've babysat for this family every weekend for the past 4 weeks, and I have loved getting to know them! They are super polite, and every single one of them loves to cuddle. Alex is 7, and your typical 7 year old boy. He's crazy, but he's not obnoxious. He likes me alot, even if he won't admit it. I've won him over, and he will even play hide and seek with the 2 younger ones and I now. (The first time I tried to get him to play he said he was too cool for it). Evelyn is 6 and is pure girl. She's obsessed with barbie, pink, dresses, princesses, and candy. She talks constantly and is so friendly. She loves giving hugs and cuddling on the couch. Ethan is 2 and a ball of fun. He's your typical two year old boy and is super adorable. 


Sorry I've been so bad at this whole daily post thing. Hopefully I will get back in the swing of things this week!

Love you all!

Thankful, Day 5

I'm gonna be real honest with you all. Today, I'm having a hard time being thankful. Part of that is probably due to that fact that it's Monday and the school week has started again, but a lot of it probably has to do with the fact that yesterday was a good day, but it was filled with some hard conversations I didn't expect, and then decisions that had to be made that were way harder to make then I had anticipated.

So today I guess I'm thankful for the fact that I have an almighty God. A God that will never leave me, abandon me, and who loves me more then I can possibly imagine. It is so comforting to know that He will never give up on me, even when I'm tempted to give up on myself.

Here's a song that's been really speaking to me lately. I heard it at Outcry a few weeks ago, and it's become one of my favorites ever since. 

Thankful, Day 4

Today I am thankful for Lake Katherine.

Lake Katherine is a beautiful place located about five minutes away from Trinity's campus. I discovered it about two months ago when I was having a really rough Sunday and just needed to get off campus. Someone told me to go to Lake Katherine, and so I did. Since then it has become almost like a safe haven for me. It's a place I go when I want to get away from campus, spend some quality time with God, walk, relax, hang out with a friend...whatever. It is whatever I need it to be. And it's been an incredible blessing to me this semester. That may sound silly..why is a lake a blessing? Well, I don't really care if it sounds silly because it's the truth. And I am thankful for it. 

Thankful, Day 3

Today I'm thankful for my girls from Alumni. 

One of the only pictures we have of all of us- Me, Kaity, Rachel, Abby, Lori, Cassandra, Brittany and C

Rachel and Abby

Kaity, Brit and I

Kaity and Cassandra

I have barely spent any time with these girls this past month. I've seen them in passing, and occasionally hung out with them one on one. But we haven't hung out as a group in weeks.

This week we were finally able to get some quality hang out time in. And oh, my goodness. I had forgotten what happens when we are all together. We are so crazy and there is constant laughing and joy just fills me up. I hung out with 4 of these girls Thursday night for a while after outcry and I swear Brittany and I were just feeding off of eachother, making the others laugh hysterically. Then when Cassandra and Rachel caught on to the silly mood...I love these girls so much.

I think part of the reason I've been struggling so much these past weeks is partly due to the fact that I haven't spent time with these girls. They bring me so much joy and happiness. In fact, in about 5 minutes I'm going to hang out with them! :) 

 

Thankful, Day 1 and 2

Well friends, it's November already. This semester has absolutely flown by, and I cannot believe it's almost Thanksgiving! So crazy. It's also the time when things are picking up and getting hectic- professors are giving out assignments left and right, work loads get heavier, and we get busy. Sometimes when we are busy it's hard to take the time to remember to be thankful and joyful.
 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in     Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19                 

 Let us come before him with thanksgiving, and extol him with music and song. – Psalm 95:2


God calls us to be thankful. So why is it sometimes we have such a hard time doing it?


For the month of November, I'm going to try and post something(s) that I am thankful for. I would also like to encourage you all to do this too. Maybe not on a blog, but on a piece of paper, in a word document, in your journal, whatever it is. Take the time to write down things you are thankful for. I've only been doing it for two days, and I'm already encouraged.


So I am going to include day 1 and day 2 in this post, since it's November 2nd today and I missed yesterday.


Day 1: I'm thankful for...
My dad.

 My dad is one of the most incredible, loving, caring, firm, God-filled people I know. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and has completely dedicated his life to Him. He fiercely loves me and the rest of my family, and is always, always there for us. Ever since I was little I've always had a special relationship with my dad. He has always been there for me to run to. He always has open arms to catch me when I'm happy, sad, or just need my daddy.

I've always been closer with him then I have been with my mom, and I think because of that I've learned to rely and trust him a lot. Don't get me wrong, we've gone through our dark times. There's been times I've despised him for making me do things, and I've definitely been angry at him on multiple occasions. But I know that he always, always, wants what is best for me. He wants me to love the Lord, fall in love, get married, have kids, and be happy. 

 Looking back on all the things he's done that have made me angry, I now see were really just his ways of looking out for me and protecting me. And believe me, I was trouble from 15-17. I'm so thankful that my dad has continued to love me throughout all these years, and I'm so thankful that lately we have been able to grow even closer and that I've been able to really open up and trust him with things going on.

Thankful, day 2

I'm thankful for conversation. In particular, conversation with this lovely lady-

This is Anna. She lives on my hall. She is someone I have been getting to know slowly these past few weeks, and I have so enjoyed getting to know her. Anna and I have been able to have some really awesome conversations just about life these past few weeks, and tonight we sat and talked for a half hour just because we could, and it turned into a great conversation about what God's been teaching us lately. I love our little random chats, and I love her!

More tomorrow. Love you all.

Miranda

Please be in prayer for the Jackson and Balluch families in the upcoming weeks. Today little Miranda Jackson lost her two year battle with leukemia and is now with Jesus in heaven. 

Just a note....

Just a note to say, I really love notes. I love writing them. I love getting them. I love them in general.

For those of you who know me at all, you know that I'm a note writer. I write notes all the time. (If I'm aware you're having a hard time, or you have a big test, or you're crazy stressed, chances are, you'll get a note). I write them whenever I feel like it really. Sometimes to encourage people in specific ways, other times just to let people know they are loved and appreciated. I've written notes for people since I can remember, it's just one of my "things".  

People who know me well also know that while I adore writing notes, I also love getting them. It's kind of my weakness. (whenever I get a man, he better write me some cute cards...and I'm holding you all responsible to make sure he does k? okay just kidding. kind of.) I still have almost all of the notes I can remember ever being given. I have a box of notes people have written me in my closet here at Trinity, as well has boxes at home. I have notes tacked up on the back of my desk that I can see every day. I just love notes.

So today I've been feeling kind of sick and lousy. I've been in pretty good spirits for the most part, but about an hour ago I just started feeling sucky and tired. I decided to take a 5 minute power nap (okay 15 minutes) and when I woke up and opened the door, there was a note with my name on it hanging there. My whole day was made as I read over the cute encouraging card a friend down the hall had written me. And it put me in such a good mood all over again. 

Learn to love and find joy in the little things because sometimes, it's the little things that make such a huge difference.

Sometimes Joy Shows Up When You Least Expect It

Warning- blogging is therapeutic. This is going to be one of those types of blogs. And it might be a bit all over the place.

The last thing I thought I would be blogging about this week is joy.

In fact, the list of ideas I had for blog posts were far from it. This week has been a week filled with heartbreak, sadness, and some sort of deep emptiness I don't think I could ever put into words. Many tears have been shed, many fists pounded, many emotions have been flying around. 

But I realized last night that most of my time this week, or even in these past few weeks, has been spent being consumed by all of the hard circumstances going on. And while I haven't been  "depressed" there's been a constant sadness inside of me that has been almost controlling me. Yes, I've had my moments where something hilarious happens and I laugh till I cry. I've rejoiced in the moments when God reveals more of Himself to me. But I'd say about 75% of my time these past weeks has been filled with sadness.

Where did my joy go?

That's the question I asked myself at 11:00 last night as I sat in my bed, Bible open, and tears flowing. My devotional for the morning had talked about not letting Satan steal our joy. I had kind of blown it off because I didn't think it really applied to me. "Sure, I'm joyful enough". It wasn't until looking back on the past weeks that I realized my joy was gone. And I didn't know where it was.

I have this tendency to not deal with things. I push them deep down inside of me and let them sit there and nag at me until I am so filled with hurt and pain I explode on someone, or even on myself. I don't deal with it until I absolutely have to. 

The problem with this is it does create this ever present sadness inside of me, even if I am not fully conscious of it at the time. It creates feelings like:

I'm not good enough.
I failed her, again.
I'm not who I should be.
I'm not strong enough.

And the list goes on. Last night as I sat in my bed I dug deep inside myself, into the secret chambers I've been hiding my pain in. And as I sat there crying I got on on paper all my feelings, insecurities, fears, and things that I now know have been holding me back.  It was one of the most freeing feelings in the world. And let me tell you, digging inside of yourself to pull out all the ugliness is not fun. It's scary, and sometimes I think you learn things about yourself that you didn't know before. But I did it. And there was a joy that came with it. A joy that I know came directly from God. Because I would have never made it through these past few days without Him.

We have to be careful not to let Satan steal our joy. We have to be careful not to let circumstances get us to the point where we are sad all the time. We have to guard ourselves and not let our problems consume us. It's unhealthy. 

So for now, I'm working on getting my joy back.

And this is something that has brought me joy today.

What has brought you joy today? Tell me about it! Leave a comment, text me, or walk over and tell me(For all you trin people). Sharing joy creates joy. :)

Thankful

I have come to realize something this week. I do not spend enough time being thankful for everything I have. Really, when was the last time I sat down and wrote out a list of things I was thankful for? I'm just going to share a few things that I've been especially thankful for this past week.

First of all, I am so, so thankful for the all powerful, amazing, awesome, mighty, loving, caring, firm, gentle, incredible God we have. God did some powerful things in my life this weekend/week. He broke me,  and is now putting me back together in ways I would have never thought possible.

I am so thankful for Lette. I know I mentioned her in my last blog post, but she's going to get mentioned again just because I am so thankful for her.

Lette has been such a blessing and encouragement to my heart these past few weeks, but this week especially. I've really been able to open up and let her into some of the hardest and darkest parts of my life and have learned to trust her completely. That's pretty big for me...It usually takes me much much longer to open up about anything, but especially some of what I've been able to share with her this week. It just goes to show that God is using her in my life right now. And it's so true. She's been such an incredible blessing to me. I really don't know what I would have done without her this week. God has blessed me so much by putting her in my life and has really helped me be able to open up with her. And I feel like I really can open up with her because I know she wont judge me. She really has a way of seriously caring for people without ever judging them, which is such a blessing. She's so loving and encouraging. I only hope I will be able to encourage her too. 

I am thankful for these 4 girls.

They constantly fill my life with love, laughter and joy and I am so thankful for each and every one of their friendships. My life would so not be there same without them. I am so grateful that I was able to develop strong friendships freshman year, because this year would be way harder without them!

I am super, super thankful for this building.

Living in Tibstra Hall is such a huge blessing. While I hate living in a different building then my 4 girls pictured above, I am so thankful for Tibstra.  It's just such a fantastic place to live. This past week we had several building events that turned out great and I love the community that Tibstra is. Lette said it's like a neighborhood where all the families know eachother, and it's so true. It's great.

I am thankful for this girl-

This is Alyssa, and she is another one of those people God is really using in my life right now. She is so kind and sweet and just genuinely cares for others. Alyssa and I are a lot alike in many ways, including that we both just like taking care of other people and don't necessarily always like being taken care of. But because of that we are good friends for eachother, because I think we force the other to accept help sometimes. It's been really awesome to watch our friendship start growing these past weeks.

I'm thankful for Outcry and the blessing it is to be able to worship together with other believers every week. It's such an amazing time and i love feeling God's presence there.

I'm thankful for the beautiful colors on the trees and the coolness of fall. Fall is my favorite season, and I am welcoming it with open arms.

I'm thankful for teacher who is allowing me to teacher aid in her classroom.

I'm thankful for the students I am getting to work with.

I am thankful that I can sit here and write this blog.

There is so much to be thankful for. I have so many more things I would write about if I had time. I challenge you to spend some time just thinking about how blessed you are. You'll be amazed, I promise.

Life

This past week and a half has been completely, totally, crazy. Let's recap:

Last week was the amazing Caroline's 20th birthday! Yippeee! Hours were spent planning, kindnapping, decorating, and celebrating her wonderfulness. 

Here she is with her blindfold on

Group of girls celebrating at The Plush Horse

It was a fun filled 3 days of prep and celebrating. I can honestly say I think we really succeeded in surprising her and making her feel special for her 20th! She is so special herself and she definitely deserved a day to be spoiled and loved on because she loves on us so much and does so much for me and all of her girls.

After that, there was the constant homework that attacked me. I have several huge projects due this week, so that's been a bit stressful. Trying to figure out how to manage my time wisely has been a struggle for me so far this semester.

I think the biggest struggle this past week has just been keeping my emotions in check. Everything has been so up in the air and crazy- my roommate is "going out" with the guy liked for the past 9 months- people have turned out to be different then I thought they were, feelings have been hurt, things said and done, and it's just been crazy roller coaster ride that I am more then ready to get off of. The bad part about this is I've pushed it all aside and haven't dealt with it like I should have. I really didn't even realize how poorly I was doing until talking with my family. Without even realizing it until days later, I had entered into survival mode..which scares me because it's just the beginning of the year.

Through it all though, I've also had the chance to really open up and talk about stuff with this amazing girl:

This is my RA, Lette. She is seriously one of the kindest, sweetest, most genuine people I have ever met. The love she has for God and her heart for Him is so evident in her life and the love she has for us girls is incredible. She is kind of like wonderwoman on steroids. She always has time for her girls and never makes us feel like we're not wanted even when she has tons of things she needs to be doing. She has been such an encouragement to me basically since we've been here. We had our first real conversation at desk one night and we just talked about God and life and classes and our families and just got to know eachother a little bit, which was so cool. That conversation was quickly followed by another, and another, and it's been so awesome to get to spend time with her. She's always there for us girls and she's been there for me to run to so many times already. She's such a blessing and God is really using her in my life.

She also has set an example not just for me but also for all the girls on our floor. She leads our floor Bible Study, which we've only had twice, but it's already incredible. I think God is going to do great things through this Bible Study. We're working through the book of Colossians, and one of the things Lette had us do was (she handed us printed out copies of Colossians 1) and she had us read through it together as a group, but then individually and underline and write all over the paper our thoughts, things that stuck out to us, and more. And then we shared some of those things. It was awesome. God is so good.

I feel like there's alot more I could update on, but sadly I have homework to do and almost 4 hours of class still to go tonight. I've also been told my blog posts are too long, so I'm gonna work on writing shorter posts. Love to all. Till next time.