Seeing the "Invisible"

I challenge you to look at this post as a window into what has been on my heart this week. I challenge you further to do what I did this week- see the "invisible". 

How many of you have felt invisible before? Alone? Scared and afraid? How many of you have had to go through something so emotionally draining that you felt like you were being engulfed in a massive rain storm? How many of you have felt that what God has asked you to go through is just too much to bear- even though He has proven Himself again and again? How many of you have found yourself asking God, "Are you there? Are you paying attention?

Sometimes in this life we go through momentary trials that leave us feeling as if no one in the world cares. That no one can help. That no one can see how much you are hurting. That no one can see you. 

Sometimes in the life we do things over and over again because we just want our efforts to be recognized. We are human; we all have a desire within us to be recognized, affirmed, cared for and appreciated. How many of us have felt that we go unrecognized? 

• Think about all the single moms who are doing their best to raise their kids while working full time and then spending their free time cooking, cleaning, and caring for their children and feel unappreciated.
• Think about the nurses who work insane hours to make a living who feel like their patients don't understand, or care about how much they have to do. 
• Think about the children who wander the streets feeling like no one cares about what they say or do or where they go.
• Think about the teenagers and young adults who have no idea who they are or how they fit into this big world.
• Think about the people who struggle with addictions and feel like they have to hide them because of the shame they are filled with.
• Think about the homeless people that are constantly passed up by people on the streets.
• Think about all the leaders in our community who feel like they can't show their emotions at any cost.
• Think about the mom in walmart who looks like she hasn't slept for days and whose baby is screaming at the top of his lungs
• Think about the teachers who go above and beyond to give their students a good education but are constantly being knocked down by the education systems.

These are people who desperately need to know they are seen; not just seen, but dearly loved, cared for, and appreciated. And not just dearly loved, cared for, and appreciated, but valued and celebrated by an amazing and powerful God. 

Any of this sound familiar? Or maybe for you---it's something different. The point is many of us have at some point felt discouraged, beaten down, forgotten, or invisible. For me personally- it was the years in high school that I felt invisible around my brother. It wasn't until I made a friend at church that I finally felt like someone was finally starting to see me.

Often times I wonder why I didn't realize sooner that we have an amazing, powerful, awesome God who sees us. 

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7169/6556220745_565c6c0ed7_z.jpg

How incredibly amazing is that? God SEES us. He sees our pain. He sees our frustration. He sees the things we desperately try to hide. 

Psalm 139

• He sees the single parents who are working themselves into the ground
• He sees the homeless people on the streets
• He sees the orphans in China who are wondering if they are loved
• He sees the nurses, teachers, and others who work hard to better the lives of others
• He sees the teens who are struggling to pass their classes because they are too hungry to focus.
• He sees the employees who feel used and abused
• He sees us ALL.

He sees. He cares. And He loves us. As Christians, we should be sharing that love with others.

This week I challenge you to see the invisible. See the moms in walmart with the crying babies. See the kid who goes home to a difficult home life. See the homeless on the streets. See them with God's eyes and do something.

That's what I did this past week. And it literally brought me to tears on many occasions.

• hugging the girl with Autism who finally let me into her world for a moment.
• buying formula for the mom who was a dollar short.
• stopping and talking with the older lady sitting on the bench at the park.
• Acknowledging the hard work a lady at church puts into the children's programs.
• and more.

I have felt invisible before. I have felt how amazing it feels to be noticed by someone and the even more amazing feeling when I realized GOD sees me. So see, really see, the "invisible" this week. 

And then, if you desire, tell me what God did in your heart this week. I would love to share in that with you.

Just an Update

So- in the midst of my crazy life, I have not been so good at blogging! Hopefully next week I'll get more into the swing of things!

I feel like I have much to say and very little to say all at the same time. So let's start with the basics.

I talked in my last blog about my first day with Jenna. It's probably best at this point to say our first day was the best day and each day after that got significantly worse. By the time Friday finally came around I was exhausted- mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

I'm still excited to work with Jenna. I know I am going to learn a lot because this precious young lady has a lot to teach me. But I am definitely holding fast to God's promise to replenish the weary as I get ready to go into this week. (Jeremiah 31:25)

I'll definitely write another post just about Jenna sometime in the near future, but for now I'm going to give a quick update on the rest of life as well.

As some of you know, the Sytsma family is here! They have been here for a little over a week and I am absolutely loving spending time with them! As always, Millie brings a joy to my heart that no one else can. She can make me laugh harder than just about anyone and has been such a blessing to come home to when I have had a rough day at work and just need to be loved on and hugged. 

Also this weekend Alyssa came to visit!!!!!!! It was SOO good to see and spend time with her! I am so blessed by the amazing friendships I have been able to form at Trinity. Alyssa and I took Millie and went to New Buffalo, MI on Saturday and spent the day shopping, eating ice cream, going for adventures, and playing at the beach.Then Saturday night we came back here and Alyssa and I had some quality one-on-one chatting time before curling up on the couch and watching Despicable Me with Millie. It was so good to be able to talk with her about Jenna, God, and just life in general. I am so blessed by our friendship and am so thankful God put her in my life!

These girls rock my socks. 

I. am. Blessed.

And now- I am heading to bed. I need some serious shut eye! I hope that you are all having wonderful summers so far! Love to all.

Day One- Done! First Day working with Jenna

Before I start- let me just say that few things in life make me happier than Dunkin Doughnuts Mint Chocolate Chip Iced Coffee- especially after a long 9 hours of work! 

Anyways, as the title of this post states, today was my first official day working with Jenna!! 

Last night I ended up getting pretty nervous- I don't know why but I ended up having a little bit of a freak out as I started getting ready for today. Those nerves carried over into the night and I really didn't end up getting much sleep. I think I was nervous because of a) not really knowing Jenna at all b) I felt an overwhelming pressure to impress her mom today and c) because the first day of anything is always a bit nerve wracking.

After tossing and turning all night- I finally crawled out of bed (being very careful not to step on any of the little fingers and toes of those who are sleeping on my floor) at 5:15am and rolled out the door at 5:45. I managed to not get lost and arrived promptly at 6:15am all ready to go. Jenna greeted me briefly at the door, all up, showered, dressed, and ready to go! By 6:30am Tina had hit the road and Jenna and I were left chilling in the living room.

We were both still a little groggy so for the first little bit we watched some cartoon she loves. Then around 7am I made her breakfast- she's not hard to please. She really would probably eat just about anything which is really nice. 

She took her time eating breakfast, finished her show, and we started painting!

I have come up with this rather long list of activities for Jenna to do- all of which I really think she will have fun with. Tina told me she loves painting and using her hands as long as she doesn't get them very messy. So I figured a great way to start out the day would be by doing something she loves (painting) while combining it with something else she loves (fairies). We made a fairy house!

(Something else I was told is that Jenna loves cameras-probably a good thing too ;) )

The fairy house took most of the morning- Jenna worked carefully and slowly to make sure she got every piece of wood possible. It was fun to watch her concentrate and work really hard. This was also when we had our first melt down- let's just say she DOES NOT like it when the paint colors mix together on the paper plate. It took a few minutes to calm down from that- but soon enough we were back to work and we finished the fairy house around 1pm. (We stopped for a bit so I could make her lunch). It turned out pretty darn cute!

Another pro of making the fairy house was that I was able to get an idea of how long projects like this are going to take us. I wasn't sure how quickly or slowly Jenna would work- every child is different. Jacob would have finished a project like this several hours sooner than Jenna did- but wouldn't have painted so carefully and thoroughly. 

After the fairy house was done Jenna took a break and watched some tv while I cleaned up lunch, let out Molly (their adorable lab), and set up the next thing I had planned. Jenna is your typical teenage girl- she absolutely loves jewelry, especially rings and bracelets. 

I had a ton of pony beads left over from babysitting Quinn and Dyllan this year so I brought those along today in case we finished the fairy house and Jenna felt up to making bracelets. (This week I am planning on doing mostly fun things and less of the things that they want her to be working on, just so I have time to get to know her a bit. Starting at the end of this week I plan to start introducing and doing more of the other things- all the while making sure she is having fun) Jenna was all over it; she spent lots of time picking out her beads and the cord she wanted to use. It went really really well for the first little bit- and then we had melt down #2....she dropped her bracelet and the beads went all. over. the. floor. But she calmed down and started again and she ended up with three beautiful bracelets.

Jenna and her fairy house

Other things we did:

• Puzzles! Jenna likes doing puzzles which is so good for her. We worked on puzzles for about twenty minutes- she did not want help at all. She did both of the puzzles and then ran around the kitchen dancing when she finished.

 Jenna took both of the pictures of the puzzles. It's also safe to say she DOES NOT like doing puzzles that are missing puzzle pieces. 

• Bubbles! It was so fun watching her dance around the yard popping them.
• Sidewalk Chalk- because who doesn't like sidewalk chalk? 
• Side note- ever wonder how you play with sidewalk chalk and avoid messy hands? Use a paper towel! 
• Library run! Jenna has a picture book communication system and something she kept asking for all day was to go to the library. I figured it wouldn't hurt to take her so we went while the fairy house was drying. We sat in the children's book section and read Clifford books for about a half hour before Jenna was ready to head back to the house. (the library is only about 5 minutes away)

Overall impressions from the day?

After today I feel a whole lot better about this summer. I think I really just needed to get to spend some time with Jenna to get to know her a little bit and now that I have done that I feel more at peace. Kind of like (for us Trinity education students) how when you get your aiding placement for the semester, you feel kind of nervous and wonder what your teacher and students will be like and how they will act and such. That feeling doesn't really go away until we enter the classrooms on that first day. I felt that same kind of feeling today- but now I feel really good- and excited about this summer. It's going to be really fun- but there is no doubt that it is also going to be lots of work and that there will be challenges along the way.

I think one of the biggest challenges is definitely going to be learning how to best communicate with Jenna. She only speaks about ten words total but she signs- and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to take sign language at Trinity because I would have been so lost today without it. (I also already picked up about 5 new signs ) 

Overall though- I'm just excited. This is such an incredible opportunity. I am going to be able to be Jenna's teacher this summer- but she also has so much to teach me and I'm seeing that already and I've only been there for a day. I hope that God uses me in the life of this precious young lady- and I am so excited to see how His plan for both Jenna and I this summer unravels and unfolds.

Aching

Tonight, my heart is aching.

Aching for the life of little Zoe Lynn Carr. Aching for the Carr family. Aching for all the family and friends of the Carrs. Just, aching.

Friends of our family, the Carrs, recently adopted two little children from China- Zane and Zoe. Both are three years old and have special needs. 

Zoe had a heart condition- basically she had a hole in her heart and it was only functioning at 50%. Two weeks ago she underwent a major heart surgery to try and repair her heart- but it was unsuccessful. After fighting for many, many days- Jesus took little Zoe home to be with him last night. 

Please be praying for the Carr family in these next days. Pray for peace. Pray for understanding. Pray for comfort. Just..pray. 

THEY'RE HERE!

Around 7:45 tonight the Sytsma family arrived :) 

Here are a few pictures of some of the crazy kiddos and I :) Lets just say that reorganizing my room to live 3 people instead of one is now completely and totally worth it!

Stay tuned for posts on:

First day of working with Jenna- and all about her
Highlights from the Sytsma's being here
and life without my brothers who are on a week long camping trip in the Ozarks. 

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, less then 20 hours from now, the most exciting event of June is going to happen.

THE SYTSMA FAMILY IS COMING TO VISIT!

Holy freaking cow. I have waited nearly 7 months to see them again, and I really absolutely cannot wait! I can't wait to cuddle and share secrets with Millie May, chat late at night with Madeline, and be picked on by Eli and Liam! They are staying with us for 3 weeks and while our house may be cramped- it's going to be fantastic!

If You are Gonna be Sick...

You might as well:

• Do nothing besides watch Harry Potter all day long
• Drink as much sprite as your stomach will let you keep down
• Sleep at 2pm without shame
• Kindly take advantage of the fact that your little brother wants nothing more then to make you feel better. (Max can you change the movie? Can you xxxxxx?) I love him. so. much. 

Basically since early this morning I haven't been feeling well and then finally started throwing up around 1. Who knows what is going on. But I do know there is no place I would rather be sick then here. #blessed

Adoption

Disclaimer: I'm going to warn you ahead of time- this is going to be a strange post. 

For those of you who know me at all- you know that I love children.

For those of you who know me well- you know that I have a passion for children with special needs.

For those of you who know me very well- you know that since I was little I have wanted to adopt three little girls from China.

........and for those of you who don't know me at all- you are a creep and you shouldn't be reading this blog.

But whether you don't know me at all, know me, know me well, or know me very well- you are all now all aware of the three things listed above.

You could say that my passion for both children with special needs and adoption is God-given. I do not remember much about my childhood; I don't remember things that I said or things that were said to me unless they were life altering (She's moving in with us and she'll be here tomorrow), a major life lesson (Don't mix up baking powder with baking soda or an explosion could occur), funny (One-lane, one-lane!), or something I just took to heart (You are not your brother). But something I do clearly remember is constantly telling people I was going to be a special-ed teacher and I was going to adopt three little girls from China.

For now, I'm gonna talk a little bit about adoption.

Like I said, my passion for adoption is God-given. I have wanted to adopt from China literally since I can remember. I have a Chinese doll sitting in my room- get all sorts of newsletters from adoption agencies- follow blogs that talk about adoption- and have an adoption fund started.

A few years back I went through a period of time where I was very sick. I went through a lot before my doctor thought they had a diagnosis for what was wrong. Still to this day I don't know for absolute sure because that requires surgery, but assuming I have what they are thinking I have there is about a 3% chance I can have children of my own.

(See what I mean when I say my passion for adoption was God given?)

Obviously I don't know for sure, but I know that whatever happens will be in God's hands. But I really am thankful that he has placed the desire to adopt in my heart because I feel like as this becomes more of a real issue later in life it is going to help heal much heartache.

Anyways.

The last few months I have felt even more than usual this pull towards adoption. I don't know why- I'm not married and have no possible prospects in mind- but my yearning to adopt has only grown stronger in the past few months.

I am in no way ready to have children of my own; I am not ready to be a parent and I am not ready for the responsibility that comes along with a child. Honestly- I don't think I'll be ready for another 10+ years (which is probably good, since you have to be older then 30 to adopt from China). But, I'm also realizing that God is already, at 20, preparing me to bring home those little girls. This week I had the strangest conversation with a friend about this, in which I said something like "I didn't know it was possible to love a child that I don't even know yet." I think that holds a lot more truth than I even realized when I said it.

God is preparing my heart and my mind for a child He has in mind for me. He has already matched me to the child I will one day call my own; He is already preparing me to love that child in ways I can't even imagine right now. He is already having me fall in love with a child that I haven't even met yet and that more then likely isn't even born yet. I didn't know that was possible until these past few months. 

I know this sounds strange- I know I sound crazy- after all I'm only 20. But God is stirring in my heart- and that is exciting and completely scary all at the same time.

(Yes, I made that video)