On Being a Nanny

For the most part, I absolutely love what I do.

I love waking up each day knowing this smiling face will be spending the day with me.

I love knowing that this little girl will come and bring in a whole new level of excitement to our day...Because friends, Henessey is a BIG deal. She's five and can do the big green slide all by herself.

I love knowing that each day, while it will have it's own adventures, will follow a similar routine. I love knowing that the kids will be happy, no matter what we do or where we go. I love that they still love the little things- like chalk and bike rides and sunglasses.

I love that on days when I just need a break, they'll sit together and watch a movie. Even if they've seen it 1001 times.

I love talking with this one about starting school...and hearing what she's excited for and what makes her nervous. You're never too young to sit on a bench and share your heart with someone. I'm glad she's choosing to share it with me.

I love that this guy still loves to cuddle...and that he is always ready to make a silly face when I want him too. And that he still loves to explore the world around him. 

But most of all? I love watching them grow. Chase has come so far these past few months. He is now regularly talking in 3-4 word sentences...Some of the most common?

• "I paint that, Emmy!"
• "Where Henessey go?"
• "What is that?"
• "Paint in Emmy's room?"
• "EMMY. Juice please. Thanks."
• "Emmy, park please?"
• "Read books, Emmy."
• "Bike ride..Helmet."

And my personal favorite:

• "EMMY. CHANGE MY DIAPER." 

Being able to be a nanny comes with so many blessings. But there's also challenges.

Such as figuring out how to deal with just being the nanny.

I guess I started feeling this way even at the end of the school year. But the feeling of being just a nanny has only intensified these past few weeks. Sometimes, when Kara comes to pick up Chase, I have to restrain myself in order to keep myself from crying. I miss her. I miss her a lot. There's so much I want to tell her. So much I want her to know. And yet, she never asks these days. And so I don't tell. I'm the nanny. And I love being the nanny. Like I've said before, there's no one (besides Kara and Eric) who loves that little boy more than I do. I wouldn't trade my time with him for the world. But sometimes? Sometimes it's hard to be just a nanny. 

But I'm going to do my best to be patient. I'm going to do my best to do my job, and to do it well. And I'm going to do my best to continue to serve and love, even though right now, I feel very....I'm not sure what word describes what I best feel. I'll leave you to fill in the pieces.