All over

I know this post is kind of all over the place. But this is the way my mind is working today. 

Usually days that start with me pulling out my prescription pain meds tend to be bad ones. They’re the days that God really puts me to the test as I wrestle with trusting Him and surrendering to Him. They’re the days when God calls me to do something when all I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. They’re the days when my patience level is at a zero and I don’t feel like praying when I don’t understand why God lets some things go untaken care of. 

I woke up this morning after a rough night of very little sleep and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I crawled out of bed trying to keep myself from falling over. My body felt like it had no bones as I collapsed into the chair I had spent most of the night in. I usually try not to take the prescription meds unless I have to, usually because they play with my head a bit, but I could tell from 7am that I was going to need them today. I felt like I just kept sinking deeper into the chair, and didn’t think I was ever going to be able to get up. 

But I did. I got up long enough to grab my Bible and sink right back into the chair. Usually I just get angry at God on mornings like this, but for whatever reason this morning I just wanted to be held, and I wanted my God to hold me. I flipped through it, reading all my favorite verses over and over again. I settled on reading some Psalms and happened to come across Psalm 30:2 which says, “Oh Lord my God I called to you for help and you healed me.” It was incredibly encouraging especially right at the time I was reading it. I kept reading. I found several other passages, all of which seemed like they were speaking directly to me. I closed my Bible and prayed. I prayed God would come close. I prayed He would reveal himself to me. I prayed that he would help me trust him and surrender to him. I prayed he would give me the strength to make it through the day.

And He has.

And today it’s been easier to trust in Him. It’s been easier to trust that He is in control. It’s been easier to surrender to Him. It doesn’t make it easy, but it makes it easier. And countless times today I’ve gone back to Psalm 30:2 and prayed for God’s healing. And just because I haven’t seen it yet, doesn’t mean it’s not coming. And that was a realization I really needed to make.

I know throughout the rest of this week I am not going to be able to do everything myself. I’m not going to be able to face certain situations without knowing God is with me. I’m not going to be able to do the things I have to do without Him. I have to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do at the end of this week. Something I’m dreading even now. But I know that it is what God is telling me to do. And as hard as it is to give the situation over to Him, I’m doing it. Slowly, but surely. So I think God probably wants me to realize today that I can trust Him. That He’s going to take care of me in the midst of any kind of pain or struggle I’m going through. Whether it be physical pain, or emotional. 

My God loves me. He’s guiding me. He’s watching me. He’s holding me in His hands and is never going to let me go. He is never going to stop loving me. He is never going to give me to much to handle. Someone once told me to look at 1 Corinthians 10:13. 

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man.. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 

 She told me to read it and insert pain, suffering, confusion, or just about anything else for the word temptation.  A lot of times I find myself running back to this verse. It’s been my verse since that day. It was the first verse I memorized after I truly started seeking God, and it’s the verse that is my constant comfort. God will take care of me, and never give me more then I can handle. 

And tonight I have the Hallway Bible study, which I cant even begin to explain how excited and ready I am for. God has really blessed me with some amazing girls who I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings about God and anything else with. I am looking forward to the time of fellowship with them and am excited to see what God does tonight. It’s going to be good, I can feel it.

God, I'm longing for the day to come

When this cloudy glass I'm looking through

Is shattered in a million pieces

And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true

I know I will see You

But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You

Trust You, God, I will

Even when I don't understand

Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You