For those of you who know me at all- you know that I love children.
For those of you who know me well- you know that I have a passion for children with special needs.
For those of you who know me very well- you know that since I was little I have wanted to adopt three little girls from China.
........and for those of you who don't know me at all- you are a creep and you shouldn't be reading this blog.
But whether you don't know me at all, know me, know me well, or know me very well- you are all now all aware of the three things listed above.
You could say that my passion for both children with special needs and adoption is God-given. I do not remember much about my childhood; I don't remember things that I said or things that were said to me unless they were life altering (She's moving in with us and she'll be here tomorrow), a major life lesson (Don't mix up baking powder with baking soda or an explosion could occur), funny (One-lane, one-lane!), or something I just took to heart (You are not your brother). But something I do clearly remember is constantly telling people I was going to be a special-ed teacher and I was going to adopt three little girls from China.
For now, I'm gonna talk a little bit about adoption.
Like I said, my passion for adoption is God-given. I have wanted to adopt from China literally since I can remember. I have a Chinese doll sitting in my room- get all sorts of newsletters from adoption agencies- follow blogs that talk about adoption- and have an adoption fund started.
A few years back I went through a period of time where I was very sick. I went through a lot before my doctor thought they had a diagnosis for what was wrong. Still to this day I don't know for absolute sure because that requires surgery, but assuming I have what they are thinking I have there is about a 3% chance I can have children of my own.
(See what I mean when I say my passion for adoption was God given?)
Obviously I don't know for sure, but I know that whatever happens will be in God's hands. But I really am thankful that he has placed the desire to adopt in my heart because I feel like as this becomes more of a real issue later in life it is going to help heal much heartache.
Anyways.
The last few months I have felt even more than usual this pull towards adoption. I don't know why- I'm not married and have no possible prospects in mind- but my yearning to adopt has only grown stronger in the past few months.
I am in no way ready to have children of my own; I am not ready to be a parent and I am not ready for the responsibility that comes along with a child. Honestly- I don't think I'll be ready for another 10+ years (which is probably good, since you have to be older then 30 to adopt from China). But, I'm also realizing that God is already, at 20, preparing me to bring home those little girls. This week I had the strangest conversation with a friend about this, in which I said something like "I didn't know it was possible to love a child that I don't even know yet." I think that holds a lot more truth than I even realized when I said it.
God is preparing my heart and my mind for a child He has in mind for me. He has already matched me to the child I will one day call my own; He is already preparing me to love that child in ways I can't even imagine right now. He is already having me fall in love with a child that I haven't even met yet and that more then likely isn't even born yet. I didn't know that was possible until these past few months.
I know this sounds strange- I know I sound crazy- after all I'm only 20. But God is stirring in my heart- and that is exciting and completely scary all at the same time.
(Yes, I made that video)
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