Transitions

In special education, one thing we always talk about is transition. We talk about where we want our students to end up, what we want them to be able to do, and how we are going to get them there. In IL, transition plans are implemented at 14 and a 1/2 and include transition plans for the areas of education, employment, and when appropriate, independent living. The special education teacher works to develop transition plans for her students. The whole point of the transition plan is to help prepare the student for life after school.

Lately, I've been wishing someone would develop a transition plan for me.

There are a lot of transitions happening in my life right now.

I'm transitioning from a junior in college to a senior.
I'm transitioning from being led by some pretty incredible people to being the leader.
I'm transitioning from a resident to a resident assistant. 
I'm transitioning from having two beautiful roommates whom I love dearly to three roommates who I hardly know.
I'm transitioning from being surrounded by my dearest friends to being surrounded by girls I've never even met.
And on top of that, I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to work this summer, how I am going to survive being completely on my own, and trying to come to terms with the fact that this school year, while it was good, left me broken, bruised, exhausted, and unstable.

I didn't realize the toll this semester had taken on me (emotionally, mentally, and physically), until Thursday when I finished my last final. Within an hour, I came crashing down to the ground as I was hit in the gut with the reality of what this semester had done to me. As I sank onto my couch, I just began to sob. From relief. Pure relief. I was finished and I had made it through. And then I was hit with a whole different reality- the year was over. Some of the people I respect and love the most on campus were graduating. I had committed to being an RA over the summer, which meant I was not going to be home. I had no plan set in stone for where I was going to work this summer. My friends were leaving school while I was to remain behind. And I was being left behind in a mental state of mind that was just asking for trouble. 

I crashed. I crashed hard and fast. I ended up in a friend's room, sitting back by a desk she was cleaning, and full on sobbing for quite some time. She was gracious enough to sit with me, hold my hand, pray with me, and help me calm down. But it wasn't a pretty picture. I think I have only cried that hard in front of a friend one other time in my life. 

When I finally got home on Friday, I just continued to spiral downwards. I spent most of the afternoon throwing up with some sort of 24 hour bug. But that bug left me basically pinned on the couch and required me to rest. Which is what I needed.

Then today, I realized that while there are a lot of transitions happening right now, soon things will settle and become normal. A wise friend told me this week not to think life was bad because right now things are overwhelming. Sometimes, things need to be overwhelming. It makes us appreciate the calm more when it comes. 

So here's to making these transitions with flying colors. Here's to not letting the transitions bring me down. Here's to thriving, not just surviving, here at Trinity this summer. It may be a bumpy ride for the next few days/weeks. But it's one I am determined to make good.