This is a blog post I wrote last November...for those of you who remember it and don't want to reread it, just skip till after the picture. But you might have a better idea of what I'm talking about if you reread this paragraph really quick.
"Sometimes I find myself curling up and crying because I miss
someone so much. Today it happened for the first time in a long time. I was
going through pictures and videos till I found a video of a certain little girl
singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway.” And my brain wasn’t ready for it. Before
I knew it tears were running down my face as my heart ached for that little
girl…. Millie holds a special spot in my heart. She was born when I hit a rough
patch in my life, and I remember she was always able to cheer me up when I saw
her. Even as a little baby. By the time Millie was old enough to recognize
people, she would see me and instantly smile and hold her arms out for me to
pick her up. She loved me, and I loved her. As she got older she became my
little sidekick, rarely was I without her. She spent loads of time at my house
and we would just hang out. She would color while I did my homework, or play
with my hair, or entertain me with her countless stories. She would come
running to the door as soon as she knew I was done with school and come running
in with sparkling eyes ready to do whatever it is we were going to do. We
played dress up, and I did her makeup. We did photoshoots. We spent countless
afternoons curled up on the couch watching princess movies and then acting them
out. As we both got older some things changed, but for the most part our
relationship always stayed the same. We still spent hours a week together, and
once I could drive she would tag along with me to the store or wherever I was
going. I think it’s safe to say I spent more time with her then I did almost
anyone else back then. She was just like a little sister. We grew up together. We had a special bond,
something you almost have to see in order to understand. We have our own
special friendship- or as my mom puts it, “Millie’s complete and utter trust in
Emily to catch her and spin her is such a lesson in true love. Their friendship
has been a gift of God to all those who have been able to really observe it.”
Then Millie’s family moved away. They moved to MN, which was
one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. After 6 years of
spending at least 3 afternoons a week together she was moving somewhere where I
realized it would be hard for me to even see her once a year. The days leading
up to the move were full of a sadness I cant even begin to explain… The day of
the actual move went better then I had expected. Millie spent the morning at
our house and we made videos and danced and laughed. When we were called out of
my room to say goodbye though the waterworks hit instantly. My family and the
Sytsma family gathered around the car to pray and there wasn’t a single dry
eye. I cried harder then then I think I ever have in front of people. After we
prayed I picked millie up and carried her over to the car. Set her in her seat
and kissed her goodbye. She cried and said she didn’t want to leave me. It was
emotional. I felt empty once they left. The day slowly passed. My best friend
came over to spend the night with me because she knew I would be hurting. It
got better once Millie called me from the road and told me she loved me.
Since Millie moved we have kept in contact, talking at least
once a week and sending letters back and forth. When she came to visit me this
past summer we picked up exactly where we had left off. When she left it was
just as emotional as the first time. We’ve continued to talk at least once a
week. She’s still my Millie May and I’m still her Emmy. For the most part it
has gotten significantly easier, yet there are those days like today when all I
want is a hug from her and I end up missing her so much I get a stomachache and
end up crying.
Millie will always be a huge part of my life. Her picture
sits on my desk so it’s one of the first things I see each day. Her little
letters brighten up my day and when we talk on the phone neither one of us ever
wants to hang up. Our friendship has continued, and although we cant see each
other as often as we would like, we both keep each other in our hearts.
Sometimes when I talk to her it amazes me how much her little heart and mind
remember, and it amazes me how sincere she is. She’ll start talking about
things we did we when she was little, recalling memories perfectly, just as I
remember them. Or like yesterday she’ll say, “Emmy, I miss you so much that it
makes me sad. It sometimes makes my heart hurt. But I know you love me and so
I’m okay.” to which I reply, “I feel the same way.” I know in my heart she’ll
never forget me because our bond was so strong and special before she moved
away. And that makes it so much easier for me to miss her, because I know she’s
missing me too."
Yesterday my precious little Millie turned 8...I can't believe how big and beautiful she is. She's still the same little girl that use to run into my arms and beg me to play with her, and yet she has grown up so much. Her baby like features have faded, she's almost as tall as I am, and is full of life, joy, laughter and so much more. I was able to skype with her for the first time in over a year last Thursday and seeing her face brought tears to my eyes. Oh how I miss her so much. This week especially. I've longed to be able to spin her in circles and curl up on the couch to watch Tangled together.
Millie is still completely irreplaceable. I spend hours with my new little neighbor girl and still it doesn't even begin to compare to my times spent with Millie. She is so incredibly special to me, and I miss her so much my heart is literally hurting for her.
I don't suppose I'll ever stop missing Millie. Just some weeks are much, much harder then others. Like this week. Even as I write this I have tears just streaming down my face that I can't seem to get under control. It's funny how one little girl can affect your life so much.
