Amen

This week my heart has been so encouraged by those around me. Let me tell you why.

(Warning. Usually I try to make my blog a little more eloquent and interesting. Today, I really just don't care, so you are getting the straight up facts of life this week) :)

I've been pretty open on this blog with how I am doing with adjusting back to life at Trinity. It hasn't always been easy; it's been a journey that has been at times steep and narrow, but it is a journey that I am seeing has always been good. 

I shared with you all on Monday how some of the things I was struggling with were feeling like I was not feeling loved and cared about here...things that I know are lies from the enemy. 

And I also shared with you how I prayed that the Lord would reveal Himself to me more this week and that He would show me that He has not left or forgotten about me. And I asked Him to show me I am loved. 

He didn't have to answer that prayer. But He did. In incredible and beautiful ways. 

Monday night I hung out with Kara and her apartment. Just talking and helping her make dinner. One of the best parts about that was that Kara was very intentional about spending time with me and took the time to text me and tell me to come hang out with her. It was amazing and I am so thankful for that time we had. Becca and I also hung out and made cookies together. It was awesome to get to catch up with her.

Tuesday was a bit of a rough day. Classes were rough and I was exhausted. I couldn't wait to go to Roseland and see my kids...I got there only to find out within a few minutes of being there that one of my little girls had moved and is no longer in the program. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

That was really, really hard. My prayer is that Lenora is in a safer neighborhood now. This little girl touched my life and my heart, and I will continue to pray for her and I will continue to pray that the Lord draws her to Himself. 

After coming home from Roseland I spent some time on the phone with Anna, just talking through some really hard life stuff that I really would have rather ignored. While I was talking with her I got a text from Kara asking me to come watch Chase while she went to an event we had on campus. The timing was kind of poor- I had been crying on the phone and I'm sure I looked like a wreck walking into her apartment. 

Being with Chase then was really good for me. It was good to sit and play with him. It was good to cuddle with him on the couch and sing him to sleep.  I love that little boy like my own brother.

When Kara came back she immediately walked into the room and sat down next to me and gave me what I call her, "tell me what's on your heart" look. And when I didn't, she asked what was going on and it turned into a conversation that lasted over an hour in which walls were broken down that I didn't even know were there. 

Me- "No, I refuse to cry."
Kara- "Two words- Jesus Wept."

 I was able to talk freely with Kara about what was going on without any fear of what she would think. And in the end she was able to say out loud exactly what I was feeling, even though I couldn't bring myself to say it. It amazes me how well Kara knows me, knows how to get to my heart, knows how to help me work through it and then knows how to get me to get up and move forward. She tells me it's "spirit speaking to spirit, heart speaking to heart." Sometimes I wonder what that fully means. But I left that conversation feeling very encouraged and loved. 

On Wednesday Kara followed up with our Tuesday conversation and ended up sitting with me in my apartment for about a half hour just talking. Again, I left the conversation with a heart full of hope and feeling very encouraged. 

Thursday night about 20 girls from Third Tib gathered in Kara's apartment because she had invited us down to enjoy some goodies she had so graciously made for us. It was so much fun to be able to fellowship with other women from the floor and was all around just a beautiful time together.  Several hours later I went down to desk with the intention of visiting with Molly, but ended up sitting on the lobby floor with Kara showing her pictures of Woody and I growing up and looking at hippos. (Can I mention again it is a good thing I know Kara will never judge me?) 

And then came Saturday..which was yesterday. Yesterday was a day full of homework and a day full of fun and joy as well. Around 1:30pm my dear Lori came over to hang out and do homework, and we were shortly joined by Kaity, who I hadn't seen in 10 days (if you know us at all, that's something of a record for when we are at school).  And though we were doing homework, the time was full of laughter and there was a joy in my heart that I cannot even describe. Around 4:30 we took a homework break and hit up the Trin Trail and spent some time outdoors because we were ALL totally in love with the fall weather. It was so fun to be outside enjoying God's beautiful creation with some of my favorite people.

After we walked on the Trin Trail we went to dinner and then Lori and I headed back to Tib while Kaity and Abby headed back to Alumni.  Somewhat randomly Lori and I ended up sitting at a picnic bench between Tib and the cafe just talking about life. I've discovered that some of my favorite conversations with Lori end up being ones that are not planned and just kind of happen on their own. We ended up sitting outside for almost an hour just talking through some things together and it was such a beautiful time. I loved it. I love my heart-to-hearts with Lori and they always leave me feeling encouraged.

Lori and I continued homeworking until 7:30pm and then joined back up with Kaity, Abby, and Rachel to go to Plush Horse where we all got some amazingly delicious ice cream and just enjoyed time together.

The night ended with a phone call from my dear Anna in which another heart-to-heart was had. We talked for over an hour and it was a beautiful way to end a beautiful day.

God is faithful to answer our prayers and to give us everything we need. And this week He showed me how not alone I am and how loved and cared for I am. I am so blessed.

The Lord Answers Prayers

Two blog posts in one day? Then this post must be important. 

This morning at 6am I was on my couch sobbing. I felt alone and scared, and wanted nothing more then to be back home.

And so I prayed. I prayed that the Lord would come and comfort me and I prayed He would remove the lies I was hearing from my head. Lies such as:

• You are alone
• You are not loved here
• You are not cared about
• You are not important

and so on. I wrote in my last blog post I was struggling with feeling alone. I was struggling with feeling like I wasn't loved or wanted. I knew those were lies from the enemy and so I prayed that the Lord would show me that and that I would have the energy and that He would give me the ability to make sure the enemy knows he has no power over me or in my life.

The Lord answered my prayers in ways I can't even explain. 

First, around 5pm I received a text message from Kara inviting me down to her apartment to spend time with her while she made dinner for the RAs for their staff meeting at 6:30. Not a text to come help with Chase, but to come down and hang out. At the time I got the text I was hurting, a lot. Wanting to be home, wanting to be with my family, just hurting. And so the timing was perfect, but then again the Lord's timing always is, and so I went down to her apartment.

And it was wonderful.

I sat on the floor and played with Chase for a while, but spent a lot of time just talking with her, asking her questions such as "what's your favorite bible verse?" and what not. Just spending time visiting with her....which was absolutely fantastic. Then I got to help her make dinner, meaning, I basically just stood by her stirring the eggs as she flipped french toast and Chase played in the hallway with a few of his friends from 2nd Tib. Let me tell you, there is something particularly special about working alongside someone. It makes things comfortable and easy, and I loved getting to spend that time with her.

I think it meant the most though that she invited me down. She took the time to text me and made sure I knew I was wanted down there and then welcomed me in and spent time pouring into me and making me feel very loved and cared about. I left there with a renewed sense of energy.

Then I hung out with Becca. We made cookies and just spent time laughing, talking, catching up and having fun. It was so good to talk with her and hear about how her heart is and how her classes are, her internship, and just her life in general. It was so good. And surprisingly not that hard. I loved that she took time out of her crazy insane schedule to hang out with me, and it meant so much to me and encouraged my heart. Stay tuned for pictures :)

Basically, the Lord showed me tonight how I am truly loved. And that He is always going to give me what I need.

I am blessed. I am happy.

http://avodahcoffee.com/2012/06/my-cup-overflows/

Amazing Weekend Recap and the Heartache that came with It.

As I knew it would be, freaking awesome Friday was...freaking awesome.

Hanging out with Alyssa at Lake Katherine was easily one of my favorite things that has happened so far this year. It was soooo good to be able to sit down and catch up and hear how her heart was doing and how she was doing. It gave me an idea of how to better serve and support her, and I love it. I am so thankful for that girl and for the blessing she is. 

Then hanging out with Kara was also fun. It was not all I had hoped it would be due to baby Chase being in a bad mood, but it was still nice to be able to spend some time with her. We just went for a walk around the block. It was nice. Needed. I am thankful for Kara and the amazing person she is.

Then literally immediately after saying goodbye to Kara I hit the road to try and make it back for my brother's soccer game, which I missed entirely. Oh well. I did get to see some of the team though before they left, which was really nice. And of course I got to tackle my brother. 

Max absolutely amazes me.. The way he is growing into the young man he is quickly becoming is incredible to see. His love for people, his heart for his family, and his love and care for me is enough to make me fall on my knees before the Lord and thank Him for blessing me with such an amazing kid brother. Max and I definitely bonded this weekend. I am so thankful for his picking on me (even if I pretend to be very very annoyed) and for his being there for me when things were rough. I love that kid. 

I also got to see Anna, who also missed the entire game. It was so fantastic to be able to spend time talking with Anna, sharing my heart with her and listening to her share her heart with me. We laughed a crazy insane amount, cried together, went for walks, threw frisbees in the yard, prayed and read our bibles together, talked in silly accents, and in all just very much enjoyed being together. From the time I got home( or to the soccer field Friday night) till Sunday morning after church the longest Anna and I were apart was maybe 15 minutes max. Sunday afternoon she had to go spend time with her brother, but then was back at my house again for the evening. I am so thankful for all the time I got to spend with her. What a blessing this girl is.

As you can imagine, it was incredibly hard to leave.

I cried the whole drive back to Trinity. I cried when my roommates went to sleep. I just cried. 

I know part of that was because I was missing home. Part of it was realizing it would be a month and a half before I would see Anna again. Part of it was my really just not wanting to be back at school. I'm struggling here. More so than I have been willing to admit to anyone until this weekend. I very much feel alone here- and I know I'm not, but it feels like it sometimes. It's definitely something I'm working through.

I'm thankful that today I got to come back and spend a good chunk of the morning with Chase. It's so easy to be happy when he is around and he really just makes my heart feel much better.

Bottom line is? I'm blessed. At home. Here at Trinity. I'm blessed. And I'm thankful I am where I am. Sometimes it is just a little harder then other times.  

Beautiful Things

I never like to write a heavy post without posting something fun and wonderful immediately after or within the next 24 hours, and because my last post was a heavy one, here is the corresponding wonderful one. :)

**********excuse the fact that the pictures used in this post may be very outdated. New pictures will be taken this year. 

This past week I have had the opportunity to spend time with some absolutely amazing friends:

Kaity- I've gotten to spend a lot of quality time with Kaity, which means that basically we are together a lot, but most of the time we are together is spent studying. Which is fine, at least we are together. I really, really missed Kaity over the summer. As my best friend since freshmen year, we've grown together in a lot of ways these past two years and it is so nice to be back with her. Kaity understands me in a way few people do, and is one of those people that is able to get me to be my crazy self. I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I know no matter what Kaity would never judge me for what I do or what I say and I feel safe and comfortable with her. What a blessing it is to have her in my life!

Lori and I have had the chance to hang out a lot in this past week and it has been so wonderful and good for my heart to spend time with her talking, sharing stories, laughing, writing notes and texts back and forth, and just being together. Last year Lori and I did not get to spend that much time together, and so being able to spend so much time with her now is wonderful. She is such a huge blessing and I am SO thankful for her and the friendship we share.

Brittany- I've also gotten to spend a little bit of time with Brittany, who I also missed terribly over the summer. Since she doesn't live on campus, it's been a little bit harder to see her, but it makes the times that we do get to hang out so much more special. I love our times together and am looking forward to more of them in the future! 

Ashley....Turns out that Ashley and I get along a whole lot better when we aren't rooming together. I've had the chance to have several conversations with her, all of which have been quality conversations and and very appreciated ones. Ashley is an RA this year, and I think she is doing a pretty fabulous job so far!

Caroline- I've been seeing this girl around more and more lately, and I love it. I missed her craziness while she was off learning a ton at Mayo this summer. She's also practically brilliant. Last night I went up and down the hall trying to find someone to help me with my biology homework that was very poorly explained. Who was able to explain it and help me figure it out? Caroline. We might have filled the whole thing out and then second guessed ourselves, but I think we ended up with the right answers in the end. 

Baby Chase- baby Chase and I have spent some quality time together this past week! I love having his little face around and being able to laugh and be silly with him. I think all college dorms should require their director to have a child (or a puppy). It's seriously therapeutic. 

Molly- I've also had the opportunity to get to know my RA, Molly, a little bit this past week. On Friday we went to Lake Katherine and spent some time just getting to know one another and talking about the Lord, which was awesome. Molly definitely loves the Lord a lot and has a desire to serve Him, and I am really excited to see what the Lord does in our friendship. 

Rochelle- There are no words. I am so thankful for Roch and her consistency to love me in the most strange and unusual ways. :)

Basically what I am trying to say is that holy hippos am I blessed. I have some pretty freaking amazing people in my life and God is using each and every one of them to teach me more about Himself and I love it. He is also using each of them to make me feel much more at home here, and that has been so needed and appreciated. Trinity really is becoming my home again, and I am so thankful for that. What a blessing it is to be a part of this campus and to have all these amazing people, and so many more, in my life. 

Just an Update

So- in the midst of my crazy life, I have not been so good at blogging! Hopefully next week I'll get more into the swing of things!

I feel like I have much to say and very little to say all at the same time. So let's start with the basics.

I talked in my last blog about my first day with Jenna. It's probably best at this point to say our first day was the best day and each day after that got significantly worse. By the time Friday finally came around I was exhausted- mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

I'm still excited to work with Jenna. I know I am going to learn a lot because this precious young lady has a lot to teach me. But I am definitely holding fast to God's promise to replenish the weary as I get ready to go into this week. (Jeremiah 31:25)

I'll definitely write another post just about Jenna sometime in the near future, but for now I'm going to give a quick update on the rest of life as well.

As some of you know, the Sytsma family is here! They have been here for a little over a week and I am absolutely loving spending time with them! As always, Millie brings a joy to my heart that no one else can. She can make me laugh harder than just about anyone and has been such a blessing to come home to when I have had a rough day at work and just need to be loved on and hugged. 

Also this weekend Alyssa came to visit!!!!!!! It was SOO good to see and spend time with her! I am so blessed by the amazing friendships I have been able to form at Trinity. Alyssa and I took Millie and went to New Buffalo, MI on Saturday and spent the day shopping, eating ice cream, going for adventures, and playing at the beach.Then Saturday night we came back here and Alyssa and I had some quality one-on-one chatting time before curling up on the couch and watching Despicable Me with Millie. It was so good to be able to talk with her about Jenna, God, and just life in general. I am so blessed by our friendship and am so thankful God put her in my life!

These girls rock my socks. 

I. am. Blessed.

And now- I am heading to bed. I need some serious shut eye! I hope that you are all having wonderful summers so far! Love to all.

I'm not Ready.......

I’m not ready to say goodbye, even just for a summer, to this place I have so quickly learned to call my home. This place, the faces that surround me in my daily life, mean home to me. I realized this fully last weekend. Lette took a few girls from the floor and I to IKEA and Petland- a trip that took us about a half an hour away from campus. By the time we were leaving Petland I was starting to feel sick and had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be home. It shocked me that I wasn’t thinking of my home in Hobart, Indiana.

This semester has been a learning experience for me and has challenged me in ways I didn’t know were possible. I have gone through so much, come through so much, learned so much, and still have so much to learn. This semester I have been given the chance to pour into others in ways I haven’t been able to before- but I have been poured into by others as well. I’ve loved and been loved, nurtured and been nurtured. I’ve lost friendships, and developed friendships. I’ve been broken down and then put back together. I’ve found more of who I am.

The end of this year is the closing of one chapter of my life. At the end of this year I have to say “goodbye” to the three girls I have lived with 18 out of the last 24 months of my life. While I know I’ll see them around campus next year, I know our relationships will never be the same. And that breaks my heart.  These girls are my sisters, and being separated from them is going to be harder for me then I think I realized.

It is also the beginning of a new chapter. Next year I have the unique opportunity to start over. I am rooming with four girls I do not know and who do not know me. I am hoping that this will be the start to a beautiful chapter of our lives- though it is absolutely terrifying to me right now.

And I’m not ready to say goodbye.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my best friend, who has been a constant support and encouragement to me these past months. I can honestly say I am more me with Kaity then I am with anyone else. I laugh harder with her then I ever have with anyone. I cry around her without shame. I’m silly and goofy around her because I know she would never judge me. I have found a beautiful friend in Kaity these past two years and I am so thankful for the constant blessing she is.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my beautiful roommates. I love these girls, so much. 

I’m not ready to say goodbye to two of the most important women in my life. I have been blessed to have these two wonderful ladies as RAs and more importantly as friends these past two years and I don't know where I would be without them. 

I'm not ready to say goodbye to one of the girls I have slowly learned to call one of my dearest friends.

Or to the kiddos that have not only touched my heart but have changed my life.

Not to mention this precious baby boy

and his beautiful mama. Kara has been such an important part of my life this year. She has played a huge role in it and her constant support, love, firmness, and encouragement have helped me become more of who I want to be. I am so thankful for her and the blessing she is.

Trinity is such a huge part of who I am. And while I am excited to be home, I'm also dreading it at the same time. I'm excited to spend time with my family. I'm excited to finish redoing my room. I'm excited to start working. But I don't do well with change, and this summer is bringing in lots of change.

It's a good thing I have a few wonderful people to return to. 

Max- I'm so lucky to have this kid as a brother. His constant encouragement and excitement about my return home this past week has been so needed.

Kieffer- this beautiful young woman is such a light for Christ and I am so blessed to have her as  a friend. 

There are no words to describe Hannah. She is herself. and she is incredibly amazing. 

And of course, my bestest friend. Although Em won't be around much this summer I am still stoked to get to see her before she leaves for her internship. 

1st Semester Sophomore Year- Check!

I'M DONE!!!
I'M HOME!!!!
I'M DONE!!!!!

I'm bored.

Those are the thoughts currently running through my brain. I finally finished up this crazy hectic semester, and boy does it feel good. I made it through one tough week of finals averaging about 4 hours of sleep a day. (That was actually the normal for my whole room this past week) and now I am home cuddled up with my puppy on the couch relaxing for the first time in a long time.


This semester has been amazing, incredibly difficult, encouraging, discouraging, heartbreaking, but wonderful all at the same time. How that is possible I am not exactly sure. Some very hard things happened this semester:

1) My mom was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 
2) My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer
3) My dog died
4) We lost another loved one to cancer
5) Relationships were broken
and more. But through these hard things, there has also been so many good things...

1) My parents and I have developed a closer relationship then ever

2) I developed close relationships with several amaaaazing people on my hall- specifically Lette and Anna
3) I've bonded with my roommates like crazy
4) I've gotten to spend a lot of quality time with my lovely, wonderful Kaity
5) I got to aid in a classroom of 29 amazing little first graders with one amazing cooperating teacher
6) I got to spend a day with Jacob, who makes me so incredibly happy
7) I've found many ways to serve others
8) I think I've grown a lot as a person this semester
9) I've developed relationships with professors that will last all throughout my college experience 

There are so many good things about this semester I could list. Looking back I know these past few months have been incredibly challenging, but also so incredibly rewarding. There were days I didn't know how I was going to keep going, but was constantly reminded through a variety of ways that God is good and He is the rock that pushes me back up when I hit rock bottom. Earlier this week Lette posted a message on her whiteboard that brought both my roommate and I to tears. It said, "Surviving or thriving? Let's glorify God even in the midst of chaos. He's got this." For me, that was the encouragement I needed to get through the rest of the week. I realized that I really was just trying to survive, I wasn't thriving. It was Tuesday night (or very early Wednesday morning) that Lette wrote that message on the white board. And tears streamed down my face as I read the board and then walked up and down our hallway reading the scripture verses that cover our hallway. Our floor theme is a jungle and it is full of "survival tips" or encouraging Bible verses. It was a sweet moment I had with God as I realized He was going to get me through the next days as I finished up finals and had one of the hardest conversations I have had this semester. 


 I am so grateful for this semester and all I have learned, and especially for the relationships I have been able to develop or continue to grow in. I have been blessed with amazing friends.

I am so thankful for all of these people. And I am going to miss them over break, but I am so thankful to be able to be home for the next 3 weeks. I am looking forward to relaxing, spending time with my family, and sleep! And most of all, I am excited to head back to Trinity refreshed, rested, and ready to thrive, not survive. Next semester I am really going to challenge myself to do more, give more, be more, love more, and grow more. I am excited for it and really think that next semester has the potential to be great and I am almost ready to tackle that challenge. 

But first, I'm just going to enjoy being home.  :)