The next few weeks are filled with busy and exciting things. I just do not have the time to blog every day, so for now, I'm going to discontinue the blog challenge and maybe I'll pick it up and start over again over the summer. Hopefully. ;)
Anyways.
This week has been absolutely insane! I would say this has probably been the busiest week of my life, for this semester at least. I have averaged about four hours of sleep a night, and after a week it has definitely caught up to me! I can barely keep my eyes open, and it's only 2pm!
Despite the fact that this week has been beyond crazy, it has also been filled with many good things and many questions such as:
1) What is summer going to look like for me?
2) What is my church life going to look like for this summer?
3) Can I tackle two jobs and an eighteen credit semester in the fall?
4) Should I take a summer course?
I'm at a point where I have to make a lot of decisions- and if you know me at all, you know I am an awful decision maker.
I have to decide if I want to try and take a class over the summer...my hesitation with it is if I take the class I will be working 48 hours a week and then spending nine hours a week in class....that would mean three days a week I would literally be gone from 6am-9pm for five weeks, and I really don't know if that's worth it. I don't want to wear myself thin this summer but it would also be nice to get that class out of the way.
I really do not know what I am going to do about church this summer, and it has been wearing heavy on my heart these past weeks, mainly since spring break. Before coming to college I had some pretty remarkable friendships at church. I was blessed to be one of a group of six senior girls who were all very close and loved each other very much. Since going to college we have all kind of moved on- it really is not any ones fault and I think we all knew it would happen to some extent or another. When you are spread out all year long keeping up relationships is hard. But, out of all those girls, there was one I felt especially close with. I really considered her to be one of my dearest friends, and all of a sudden last summer she wanted nothing to do with me and never gave me a reason. It was strange, and it kind of broke my heart . We hung out twice all summer long and I have only seen her three time since then. Not once was she excited to see me. Part of that is because I think she is afraid of making people mad...part of it is something I've been told is unrelated and stupid. But I miss her lots, and I miss the rest of the girls too. My church now is almost painful to go to. Every time I have been home for church this school year I have gone home and cried. I think that if that doesn't change pretty quick once I'm home I'm definitely going to consider a new church. For now- I'm putting it in God's hands.
I also have some decisions to make about next year in these upcoming two or three weeks. On Thursday Kara asked me what I would think about taking a more active role in the partnership with Roseland. That would mean I would be stepping up from being a volunteer into a leadership position, and there is a chance I would be getting paid for it.
She also asked me if I would be willing to be a regular babysitter for Chase next year. Basically, they do not want to put him in a daycare, so they want to have one or two students have a set babysitting schedule every week. (Of course I said yes)
My only hesitation is I do not want to over commit myself next year. If I took both of those jobs my schedule would look like this:
- an 18 credit semester
- a fifty hour aiding placement
- babysitting several days a week
- Roseland from 4pm-7pm three days a week
It would be crazy and I think I could do it, and I would LOVE it. But I also do not want to over commit and then end up being super stressed out. I think I am definitely going to talk with Kara further about the time commitment for each and then go from there. Right now I am leaning towards saying yes to both- but I do want to make sure I know what I am getting myself into.
But I am ridiculously excited all at the same time. I was telling Lette about it this morning and if I wouldn't have been trying to be calm I probably would have been jumping up and down.
Also- realizations that came this week.
I am so completely totally ready for this year to be over.
I am so completely totally NOT ready for this year to be over.
We only have five weeks of school left. As Lori pointed out on her blog, only 39 days left here this semester. Right now, that thought makes me want to cry. Not because I have lots to do, but because I am so not ready to leave.
I don't know how in the world I'm going to leave Kaity! I know I'll see her over the summer, but I can't imagine my life without her in it on a semi-daily basis!
I do not know how I am going to leave the Roseland kiddos. Those kids have grown near and dear to my heart and I love them and the time I get to spend with them. I love the relationships I have formed with them and I have no idea how I am going to leave them at the end of the semester.
I have NO idea how I am going to say goodbye to Lette. No idea. (For those of you who don't know, Lette is going to Ecuador next semester..)
I know my heart will break when I have to say goodbye to my roommates...because it really will be goodbye.
I am not anywhere near ready to say goodbye to Kara and baby Chase...and while I know I'll see them at least once over the summer, it still is so not easy.
I suck at goodbyes; I hate them. And right now, the end of the year only holds goodbyes. And I am NOT in anyway ready for that.
There. Now you are all updated on what's been on my heart and mind this week.
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