1,000 words

Thankful

Today I'm thankful for these girls.

I miss them all so much and am super excited Christmas is coming very soon and we'll all be together again! for more then a day. <3

God is...

God is:
Loving, nurturing, wonderful, faithful, redeemer, hope, empathetic, engaging, all-mighty, valiant, Omni-present, infinite, eternal, excellent, vital, exciting, near, deliverer, rock, strong tower, holy, lamb, knowing, merciful, creator, the God who sees, mighty, majestic, banner, righteous.

God is:

All-mighty

Faithful
Redeemer
Infinite
Eternal
Near
Deliverer

Wonderful
Hope
Omni-present

Nurturing
Empathetic
Valiant
Excellent
Rock

Loving
Engaging
Awesome
Vital
Exciting
Strong tower

Or in other words, A Friend Who Never Leaves.

Thanksgiving

Today there is so much to be thankful for…

I’m thankful for a God who loves me and is entirely sovereign

I’m thankful for my family and that Woody’s surgery went well.

I’m thankful for Maxwell because he never fails to make me laugh

I’m thankful for my puppies because they are always super excited to see me.

I’m thankful for my old college aged friends- Annie, Nikki, Rachel, Em K, and Lauren because I love that even though we are all far away from each other when we come back together it seems like not much has changed.

I’m thankful for my friends at Trinity that make college life amazing and fun.

I’m thankful for the Hallway Bible Study (Kaity, Cassandra, Shma, Brittany, Ranesha, Lori) Because it’s given me a time when I can talk about God in a group of girls I feel completely and totally comfortable with.

I’m thankful for Caroline always, but specifically this week because without her the beginning of this week would have been a lot worse then it was.

I’m thankful that even though we are not having our traditional thanksgiving with our extended family like we have done since I was a baby, we are spending the day as a family putting up Christmas decorations.

I’m thankful I’m not in a chemistry class anymore. (I’m in the basement and there’s chemistry all over the whiteboard)

And the list keeps on going! Have a good Thanksgiving everyone! Hug someone, smile lots, eat good food, and laugh.

The Weekend

Yesterday was a fun filled day. I went downtown Chicago with some beautiful ladies(Lori, Kaity, Brittany, and Kerstin) and we had a blast walking around Chicago taking pictures and laughing at the hilarious things that came out of Kaity’s mouth:


“Oh, I thought I just saw a long dinosaur, but it was really just a sign. I feel like I should have been a lot more freaked out about seeing a long dinosaur, but instead I was just like oh that’s cool!”- Kaity


We went down for the parade, but that turned out to be very disappointing. We spent several minutes trying to figure out how to cross the street before some pretty decent looking guy turned around and told us where to go. We hopped on the train and headed back to Trinity after an exhausting day of walking around, which we figured out to be easily over 3 miles of walking.


Then I brought Kerstin back home and got to spend the night at my house. We watched Full House and just relaxed, which was nice because I wasn’t feeling the greatest.


Then probably the most exciting part of the weekend(for several reasons)- we went to church this morning. I haven’t found a church at school that I like yet, and haven’t been able to go the past two weeks so getting to go to church and worship with people I love was amazing. And I got to see one of my best friends, Annie, who goes to school at Purdue. Somehow throughout our several conversations this past week we both forgot to mention that we would be home this weekend, so it was probably one of the best surprises I could have gotten. I’ve missed that girl a lot. It was great getting to spend a while with her and getting to hug her for the first time in a very long time. Too long.


Overall, this weekend was fantastic. I’m not particularly looking forward to an evening full of homework and such, but somehow it seems more tolerable now then it did this morning.


Life is good. 

Little Gifts

God gives us little blessings all throughout life.

Like a baby smiling.

Or crazy roommates

Or amazing friends

Or a brother who never fails to make me laugh

Or a puppy who is always happy to see me.

God gives us the little things in this life to make us happy. So enjoy it.

Look around. His gifts are all around us. You just have to take time to notice them.

All over

I know this post is kind of all over the place. But this is the way my mind is working today. 

Usually days that start with me pulling out my prescription pain meds tend to be bad ones. They’re the days that God really puts me to the test as I wrestle with trusting Him and surrendering to Him. They’re the days when God calls me to do something when all I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. They’re the days when my patience level is at a zero and I don’t feel like praying when I don’t understand why God lets some things go untaken care of. 

I woke up this morning after a rough night of very little sleep and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I crawled out of bed trying to keep myself from falling over. My body felt like it had no bones as I collapsed into the chair I had spent most of the night in. I usually try not to take the prescription meds unless I have to, usually because they play with my head a bit, but I could tell from 7am that I was going to need them today. I felt like I just kept sinking deeper into the chair, and didn’t think I was ever going to be able to get up. 

But I did. I got up long enough to grab my Bible and sink right back into the chair. Usually I just get angry at God on mornings like this, but for whatever reason this morning I just wanted to be held, and I wanted my God to hold me. I flipped through it, reading all my favorite verses over and over again. I settled on reading some Psalms and happened to come across Psalm 30:2 which says, “Oh Lord my God I called to you for help and you healed me.” It was incredibly encouraging especially right at the time I was reading it. I kept reading. I found several other passages, all of which seemed like they were speaking directly to me. I closed my Bible and prayed. I prayed God would come close. I prayed He would reveal himself to me. I prayed that he would help me trust him and surrender to him. I prayed he would give me the strength to make it through the day.

And He has.

And today it’s been easier to trust in Him. It’s been easier to trust that He is in control. It’s been easier to surrender to Him. It doesn’t make it easy, but it makes it easier. And countless times today I’ve gone back to Psalm 30:2 and prayed for God’s healing. And just because I haven’t seen it yet, doesn’t mean it’s not coming. And that was a realization I really needed to make.

I know throughout the rest of this week I am not going to be able to do everything myself. I’m not going to be able to face certain situations without knowing God is with me. I’m not going to be able to do the things I have to do without Him. I have to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do at the end of this week. Something I’m dreading even now. But I know that it is what God is telling me to do. And as hard as it is to give the situation over to Him, I’m doing it. Slowly, but surely. So I think God probably wants me to realize today that I can trust Him. That He’s going to take care of me in the midst of any kind of pain or struggle I’m going through. Whether it be physical pain, or emotional. 

My God loves me. He’s guiding me. He’s watching me. He’s holding me in His hands and is never going to let me go. He is never going to stop loving me. He is never going to give me to much to handle. Someone once told me to look at 1 Corinthians 10:13. 

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man.. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 

 She told me to read it and insert pain, suffering, confusion, or just about anything else for the word temptation.  A lot of times I find myself running back to this verse. It’s been my verse since that day. It was the first verse I memorized after I truly started seeking God, and it’s the verse that is my constant comfort. God will take care of me, and never give me more then I can handle. 

And tonight I have the Hallway Bible study, which I cant even begin to explain how excited and ready I am for. God has really blessed me with some amazing girls who I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings about God and anything else with. I am looking forward to the time of fellowship with them and am excited to see what God does tonight. It’s going to be good, I can feel it.

God, I'm longing for the day to come

When this cloudy glass I'm looking through

Is shattered in a million pieces

And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true

I know I will see You

But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You

Trust You, God, I will

Even when I don't understand

Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You

You'll be with me, wherever I go

Sometimes I find myself curling up and crying because I miss someone so much. Today it happened for the first time in a long time. I was going through pictures and videos till I found a video of a certain little girl singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway.” And my brain wasn’t ready for it. Before I knew it tears were running down my face as my heart ached for that little girl. And for those of you who don’t know who I’m talking about, I better explain.

Since I can remember I have known the Sytsma family. They have been a blessing in my life. I love them all dearly. The Sytsma children- Madeline, Eli, Liam, and Millie, have all meant an incredible amount to me. I have known Liam and Millie since they were born, Eli since he was maybe a year old, and Madeline since she was four. Madeline is now 14, Eli 10, Liam either 8 or 9, and Millie 7.

Although every single one of those children are very near and dear to my heart, Millie holds a special spot. She was born when I hit a rough patch in my life, and I remember she was always able to cheer me up when I saw her. Even as a little baby. By the time Millie was old enough to recognize people, she would see me and instantly smile and hold her arms out for me to pick her up. She loved me, and I loved her. As she got older she became my little sidekick, rarely was I without her. She spent loads of time at my house and we would just hang out. She would color while I did my homework, or play with my hair, or entertain me with her countless stories. She would come running to the door as soon as she knew I was done with school and come running in with sparkling eyes ready to do whatever it is we were going to do. We played dress up, and I did her makeup. We did photoshoots. We spent countless afternoons curled up on the couch watching princess movies and then acting them out. As we both got older some things changed, but for the most part our relationship always stayed the same. We still spent hours a week together, and once I could drive she would tag along with me to the store or wherever I was going. I think it’s safe to say I spent more time with her then I did almost anyone else back then. She was just like a little sister.  We grew up together. We had a special bond, something you almost have to see in order to understand. We have our own special friendship- or as my mom puts it, “Millie’s complete and utter trust in Emily to catch her and spin her is such a lesson in true love. Their friendship has been a gift of God to all those who have been able to really observe it.”

Then last summer Millie’s family moved away. They moved to MN, which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. After 6 years of spending at least 3 afternoons a week together she was moving somewhere where I realized it would be hard for me to even see her once a year. The days leading up to the move were full of a sadness I cant even begin to explain. I tried to just completely totally avoid even thinking about it. Millie and I did a photoshoot a couple days before she left, and I took her to the mall and let her pick out an outfit and a build-a-bear. 

The day of the actual move went better then I had expected. Millie and Madeline spent the morning at our house and we made videos and danced and laughed. When we were called out of my room to say goodbye though the waterworks hit instantly. My family and the Sytsma family gathered around the car to pray and there wasn’t a single dry eye. I cried harder then then I think I ever have in front of people. After we prayed I picked millie up and carried her over to the car. Set her in her seat and kissed her goodbye. She cried and said she didn’t want to leave me. It was emotional. I felt empty once they left. The day slowly passed. My best friend came over to spend the night with me because she knew I would be hurting. It got better once Millie called me from the road and told me she loved me.

Since Millie moved we have kept in contact, talking at least once a week and sending letters back and forth. When she came to visit me this past summer we picked up exactly where we had left off. When she left it was just as emotional as the first time. 

We’ve continued to talk at least once a week. She’s still my Millie May and I’m still her Emmy. For the most part it has gotten significantly easier, yet there are those days like today when all I want is a hug from her and I end up missing her so much I get a stomachache and end up crying. 

Millie will always be a huge part of my life. Her picture sits on my desk so it’s one of the first things I see each day. Her little letters brighten up my day and when we talk on the phone neither one of us ever wants to hang up. Our friendship has continued, and although we cant see each other as often as we would like, we both keep each other in our hearts. Sometimes when I talk to her it amazes me how much her little heart and mind remember, and it amazes me how sincere she is. She’ll start talking about things we did we when she was little, recalling memories perfectly, just as I remember them. Or like yesterday she’ll say, “Emmy, I miss you so much that it makes me sad. It sometimes makes my heart hurt. But I know you love me and so I’m okay.” to which I reply, “I feel the same way.” I know in my heart she’ll never forget me because our bond was so strong and special before she moved away. And that makes it so much easier for me to miss her, because I know she’s missing me too. 

Thankful

I’m thankful for a God that I can always turn to who loves me very much
I’m thankful that I am at Trinity Christian College
I’m thankful that the transition to college life went smoothly
I’m thankful that God blessed me with amazing roommates
I’m thankful that Caroline is here with me
I’m thankful for Mama Carp and the whole Carp floor
I’m thankful for Kaity, Cassandra, Shma, Brittany, Ranesha, and Lori(aka the Hallway Bible Study) and their amazing friendships
I’m thankful for new friends and sisters 
I’m thankful that no matter where I am laughter can be heard
I’m thankful that I get at least 3 hugs a day now 
I’m thankful for a good class schedule and good classes
I’m thankful for girls who call me “mama” because I like feeling like I’m helping them
I’m thankful for front desk because it allows for great bonding time
I’m thankful for Blink and Dutch Blitz
I’m thankful that no matter where I am on campus my bed is less then 10 minutes away
I’m thankful that I’m close to home so I can go home whenever I need too
I’m thankful for late night chats in the hallway 
I’m thankful for movie nights
I’m thankful that I always have someone to go to lunch or dinner with
I’m thankful for floor dinners
I’m thankful for Outcry
I’m thankful for feeling at home at Trinity.


There’s lots of things that I’m thankful for. That list only took about 5 minutes at the most to come up with. I wonder what would happen if I spent an hour writing down things I’m thankful for. The point is sometimes it’s good to just sit back and see how good I have it. I’m at an amazing school, with amazing friends with whom I can talk about anything with. I am so blessed. God has given me so much. I need to be thankful more often. 

The past week

I haven’t posted in a while, but I promise I’m going to try and post more often.

College life for the most part has been incredible. I love it here. I love my friends, my roommates, my classes, my campus… not so much the food, but everything else is going amazing. I’ve found a good group of friends whom I love dearly, and am involved in yearbook which basically means I get to take pictures and get paid for it(!!!) and sign club which I do with one of my best friends here.

But this past week has probably been the most difficult week of my first semester at Trinity. I had 3 tests, 3 papers, and a presentation all from Monday-Thursday. By the time Thursday’s classes rolled around I was completely drained. Monday was probably the best day, there’s nothing better then getting out of class early. And I had a whole new level of excitement when my new camera arrived. I just about had a heart attack I was so excited. Tuesday was a long tiring day. I had my Theology test which went surprisingly well. But it seemed like the day never ended. Wednesday was the killer. I had my math test- which I did very poorly on. My brain seemed to completely blank out by the time I got to the last page of the test. I left the classroom frustrated, disappointed, and sad. For the rest of the day bad things just kept happening. I dropped my favorite mug and broke it, my computer completely died and I could not figure out how to get it to turn back on, our room was a disaster which stressed me out, and it just seemed like I couldn’t catch a break. Finally I just said a simple, “God help me get through this day.” prayer and it was then I realized that in the midst of an incredibly busy, stressful week, I hadn’t once prayed and asked God to help get me through. As I thought about this more and more I remembered a conversation I had had with one of my dearest friends not a week ago about how we both were struggling in our walks with God and how we should start some sort of Bible Study and help hold each other accountable. I picked up my phone and texted her asking if we could have a hallway chat, which has become one of my favorite things to do, and asked more specifically if we could read our Bibles and spend time talking about God. She readily agreed and several hours later we were sitting in the hallway with devotionals, bibles, pillows and blankets, bread and nutella. The best part about it though was that it wasn’t just us. We had told a few other girls what we were doing and before we knew it there was six of us all sitting in the middle of the Stark hallway ready to talk about Jesus.

And that’s what we did. We sat in the hallway for a little over an hour reading out of Shma’s devotional and my copy of “The 21 Most Encouraging Promises of the Bible.” We talked about our lives, and talked about how sometimes it’s really hard to know what God’s plan is, and even harder when we have to wait for Him to reveal it to us. The whole night was awesome. We all were able to share our joys and struggles and talk openly and be real. It was amazing. Afterwards we each shared a prayer request and spent a while praying over each other. It was fantastic and super encouraging. We also decided that we are going to do this weekly, so the Hallway Bible Study has been created. I’m so looking forward to next week.
Anyways. I made it through the week, though it’s probably been the hardest week of being at Trinity so far. I think that Bible Study was a huge part of it, as well as getting to spend time with God and my family yesterday. I also had a conversation with one of my dearest friends and was able to let out all my frustration and bottled up emotions from this week. Sometime’s it’s healthy to just let yourself go. And I felt so much better afterwards. And this next week is already looking like it’s going to be an amazing week.

This week I am incredibly thankful for a God who loves me, for the Hallway Bible Study, and my best friends. And to sum up everything…
　
　
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.