"Her hair is up....RUNN"

For those of you who know me well, you know that I never put my hair up unless I am unbelievably desperate. If you want to know why I always have my hair down, ask Alyssa Slinkman. Somehow, with this, she can explain my thought process better than I can. 

So today, I was getting to the point where I was on the verge of breaking. And the hair went up.

My roommates were warned at the beginning of the year that if my hair is up I am unbelievably stressed and they should probably just avoid me until it comes back down. This morning, within ten minutes of putting my hair up, Megan walked into the living room and exclaimed, "Oh no! Your hair is up!" and quickly exited the room.

Ten minutes later, Melissa walked in, saw my hair, looked at me wide eyed, and after a moment exclaimed, "RUUUUNNNN!" Somehow, I think she knew I needed that. Because after I went into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Melissa is really good at getting me out of a funk, without even knowing it. That girl is a blessing, for sure. 

These last two weeks have been incredibly challenging...I have been stretched, I've been broken, I've been bruised, I've fallen and failed, and then been challenged to get back up. Right now I have a lot of people depending on me to be the strong one and in a lot of ways that is so good for me. It forces me to be collected and it forces me to get back up when I fall. But sometimes, it is really hard to be the one that needs to be strong. Because then you aren't supported. And sometimes you need support too. 

But I am thankful for those who have made life a little easier.

I'm thankful for Chase, who somehow knows when I just need him to sit on my lap and cuddle with me.

I'm thankful for Azariyah and Lenora, who filled my heart with joy on Tuesday night. 

I'm thankful for Caroline, who let me sit at desk and chat with her on Tuesday night.

I'm thankful for Kara, who knows me so well she knows when something is wrong with one look at me. 

I'm thankful for Molly, who lets me come and sit at desk with her without making me talk to her about what's going on.

And I'm thankful for Roch, who picks on me in the most inappropriate ways in the most inappropriately perfect times.

And I'm thankful for this kid, who never fails to make me laugh when I need it. 

Yet Another Song....

And this is the last one I'll post before I write an actual post. :)

You will find HIm here...

Another song that has really been speaking to my heart this week. 

Come and rest here

Come and lay your burdens down

Come and rest here

There is refuge for you now

You'll find his peace

and know you're not alone anymore

He is near

You'll find his healing

Your heart isn't shattered anymore

He is here

Breathe in

Breathe out

You will

You will find Him here

I will rest in you (5x)

Breathe in

Breathe out

You will

You will find Him here

You will find Him

You will find Him here 

You will find Him

You will find Him here

Who am I?

I have been asking myself that question a lot this week. For good reason. Because sometimes, I get so wrapped up in who people want me to be, I forget who I am. 

I am:

• A daughter of the awesome, almighty, holy, righteous and perfect God who sent His Son to die a horrible death on a cross because of His incredible love for me. Sometimes I can't wrap my mind around that.
• A daughter of two wonderful parents who I am blessed by on a daily basis.
• The sister of two incredible younger brothers who so often remind me that I am worthy of love and who are constantly watching out for and protecting me.
• A friend to the amazing friends that I have. I am so thankful for each and every one of my friends that pours into me, that allows me to pour into them, and that have stuck by my side, even when things are rough.
• An encourager to those who need support (or I try to be)
• A future special education teacher who is so in love with children who have special needs that it is probably unhealthy.
• An "unofficial official babysitter" to a beautiful little boy who constantly fills my life with joy.
• A Tibster- and proud of it.

This week I really felt like a failure. I felt like I had let Kara down, like I had let people at home down, that I had let people here down, and most of all like I had let myself down. It was really easy for me to sit back and think about all the negative things I am. But the fact of the matter is that God loves me and he made me the way I am. He allows me to struggle with the things I do because He knows it brings me to my knees at His throne. He allows me to break into pieces so that He can be the one to put me back together. Sometimes, I feel like I am a broken chair. Chairs are meant to be a support- they are meant to hold you up so you don't fall on the ground. I felt like a broken chair this week. I was trying to support people, but the pieces holding me together were falling apart. And when I fell apart, it wasn't pretty. I was rusted, my screws were falling out, and I felt lost.

Then God came, the true Master Craftsman, and He saw me in my broken and useless state and He picked me up and comforted me, polished me, and made me whole again. It wasn't easy; some of the things He had to do to put those screws back in were painful. But here I am. Whole in Christ, back to doing what I love to do, and right now, I am overjoyed. I am content. I am happy.

Someone, pointedly, said this week, "God is still working in people, even if they can't see it." While it wasn't said directly to me, I could tell it was meant for me to hear. I couldn't even, at that time, raise my eyes to look at the speaker because I was so full of shame and fear and hurt. Turns out it's true. God is still working and He uses our brokenness to speak directly into other people's lives. He puts our pieces back together and He does what He wants with our lives. 

So who am I?

I am a daughter of Christ who has been saved, loved, cared for, broken, put back together, polished, and molded into exactly who He wants me to be. And if I am being who He wants me to be, I am who I want to be.

3 Minute Blog Post

I have allotted myself 3 minnutes to type this post. Let's see how much I can cover.

Obviously, I have beyond failed at the thankfulness posts. I had no idea at the beginning of last week how crazy it would be. I cried every day out of exhaustion, stress, and frustration (Thank you, Lori, for being there for me to run to and cry with. And then for gently making me get back up and keep working). But, in the midst of the craziness of last week, several good things happened as well:

- I spent time with my beautiful little Azariyah.
- I had time with Kara, JUST US, for the first time in months
- I received notes from people who knew I was struggling
- Teacher aiding Friday was a blast
- I spent quality time with Maxwell...just us. 
- I played a game of Mao with my family that left me in tears because I was laughing SO hard 

The Lord really gave me the encouragement I needed when I needed it, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you who helped get me through last week. I appreciate you all more then you know. 

Thankful- Day 4

Today, I am thankful for baby Chase.

Basically best buds since he was born. This little man fills my life with so much joy! I am very blessed by Chase, by his unconditional love for me, his sweet and sticky kisses, and his always cheerful smile. Chase has really become someone, even if he is a little someone, I thrive off of being with. I am blessed to be one of his many sisters here at Trinity. 

Thankful- day 3

A lot of the blogs that I follow regularly are posting something they are thankful for each day since Thanksgiving is coming up here pretty soon. I've decided as a way to keep you all updated on what's going on as well as a way to help me get back into the swing of blogging regularly, I'm going to do this as well! Plus, thinking about things you are thankful for is just an excellent way to see how God is working around you! So here is my first thankful post, which is technically day 3 of thankfulness posts in the rest of the blogging world. 

So today- I am thankful for my family. 

(Pics from a family photo shoot today) 

Quick Updates

Peeps- Life has been beyond ridiculous the past few weeks. I apologize for my blogging absence and to those of you who actually usually see me around, I apologize for not being around. My days have been filled with classes, baby Chase, teacher aiding, homework, devos, and if there is time left over, sleep. Currently I average about 3 hours night. 4 hours on a good night. And nursing majors think they are the only ones who are busy. HA! We education people are just as busy, we just have more fun. (No offense to you nursing majors out there. Earlier this week I heard a girl say that nursing majors were the only ones who ever had anything to do. It ticked me off a little more then it should have). 

So for now, I'll give you the quick rundown of things going on in the life of Emily.

• Classes are insane. My workload is crazy. That comes with taking 19 credits, but still, I have no idea how I function. November is going to be a crazy month for me, and if you ever feel like shooting me an encouraging text, or giving me a hug, I will not deny it. Just thinking about all the work I have to do this month makes me want to cry. 
• Baby Chase- pretty much amazing as always. Chase has definitely become someone I depend on. Funny isn't it? He is only a year old and already has people depending on him. I get a lot of energy and joy from spending time with him, and so often the times I do spend with him are times that help "fuel my fire" so to speak, for the rest of the day. Last week he had the chicken pox and I was unable to be around him. It didn't go well.
• Roseland- talk to me about it in person if you want to know.
• Roommates- I can honestly tell you that for the most part I absolutely love my roommates. Megan and Melissa especially. We get along really really well and I do love spending time with them. Things overheard in Tib 39 this week:
• "My eye is watering like freaking lava!" - Melissa
• "Oh Kids!" - me
• (Browsing christian mingle) "dónde está mi esposo?" (aka, where is my husband?) - Melissa
• "Lord just take me now." - me (studying for midterms)
• "A brownie is a brownie no matter what shape it is in." - Megan
• "OH MY GOSH, this is horrible! Oh no!!!" - Me "calm down, Emily, have you not seen this movie before?!"- Melissa "No I have!" - Me
• "What is my life?!" - me
• "I just want to poke his little beady eyes out!" - Brittany
• "If they kiss I'm going to punch a bat." - Melissa 
• God- the only One who gets me through my roughest days. I'm seeing him do amazing things in my life though, which is incredible.
• Teacher aiding- constantly shows me on a daily basis I am meant to be a special education teacher. I'm going to cry when I have to leave this placement. Hard. 

And I leave you with a little education humor. This cracks me up every time. 

Why Trinity Education majors are the Best

Trinity Education Majors are the best because...

• Trinity education majors look out for each other- always.

• Trinity education majors fill out someone's worksheets for them when they miss a class. 

• Trinity education majors help each other plan lessons.

• Trinity education majors understand that we are all equally stressed out. We help each other deal with the stress, don't let each other constantly complain about how much we have to do, and are continually encouraging each other to keep pressing forward. 

• Trinity education majors are there to remind each other that, "THIS IS FOR THE KIDS!"

• Trinity education majors laugh, cry, freak out, and calm down together

• Trinity education majors know that no matter what, they can count on one another to come through.

• Trinity education majors always have extra crayons in their backpack.

• Trinity education majors understand the excitement over a sale on Velcro.

• Trinity education majors let other education majors see their reading notes so that they can answer questions when they haven't had the chance to read the assignment. 

• Trinity education majors take turns making study guides and flashcards and email them to one another so that not everyone has to spend hours upon hours making them. 

• Trinity education majors can have 3am study parties at any random given time.

• Trinity education majors understand the excitement over shopping for school supplies. 

Basically, I am feeling blessed to be a Trinity education major this week.

In my class there are a solid number of girls who are very close and tight knit. We watch out for, love, care for, encourage, and support each other in awesome ways. 

This was made very clear to me this past week. I missed a whole day of classes because I was extremely sick on day this past week. 

Alyssa brought me tea.

Kari took my assignments to class for me and then brought me back the new worksheets and assignments for the next class so I wouldn't have to go pick them up. 

Brie filled out my worksheets for me in class so I wouldn't have to copy them later.

I felt loved and supported through their actions and it meant more than I think they even know.

But the thing is...we all do this. All the time.

It doesn't matter who isn't there or what class it is...if someone is missing from our group we immediately step up to the plate and take care of each other in whatever ways that is...whether it is filling out worksheets or turning in assignments, we take care of each other. Or maybe it is that someone hasn't done the reading for class. We immediately pass over our notes so that the other doesn't miss the questions and lose points. We just take care of each other. 

I am thankful for those I can learn alongside. And I am so blessed. 

Go One More

My motivation for this week. Keep going guys. We got this.