Finals Week...and Break Thus Far.

Holy cow! It's time to play a round of catch up!

It was brought to my attention the other day that it had been weeks since I wrote my last blog post. So now I am actually sitting down to take the time to write about what's been going on in my life as of late...I promise- you haven't missed anything exciting.

Finals week proved to be challenging- it wasn't so much that my finals themselves were challenging, but more that the week held many little battles to fight and mountains to climb that I wasn't quite expecting. Some of these included a general lack of sleep, being stressed due to the state of our room- it was a DISASTER, having to deal with multiple exploding diapers- and when I mean exploding, I mean literally ALL. OVER, having to figure out how to navigate finals week without my laptop, and just trying to manage every day life. It honestly wasn't that bad, but there were moments during the week that I just wanted to be home and away from Trinity. But there were also moments I wouldn't trade for the world- like being able to go ice skating with the Roseland kiddos.

Love this little one.

Kaitlin!

These sweet girls have taught me so much about true joy, love, patience, and perseverance. Their stories are incredible, and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to pour into them. 

But then come Friday all of that stress simply vanished. I was finally able to say that I had conquered the semester and to celebrate I spent the day just relaxing...I went and got coffee with my dear Ashley and caught up on her life and caught her up on mine, I did some last minute Christmas shopping, and then spent the rest of the day with Chase while Kara caught up on some grad school work and checked out students.

Friday night I was literally one of the ONLY people in Tibstra Hall and so I spent the night watching Gilmore Girls, cleaning, wrapping presents, and thoroughly enjoying alone time. It was actually really good for me to be able to just spend time thinking, praying, and reflecting on the semester.

Saturday I kept Chase for the morning/early afternoon, meaning from 7am-2pm. It was really great to be able to spend that time with him while his mama was away. We also took some Christmas pictures.....

He knows when I say, "CHASE, SMILE BIG!" that he is supposed to look at me and smile. It's pretty adorable.

So. Sassy.

Pretty stinkin adorable he is.

Also on Saturday, LETTE CAME HOME!!! Words cannot possibly express the pure joy that filled my heart when I walked up the stairs to see her standing in Molly's room. I am entirely convinced that if I hadn't been holding Chase I would have been a bawling mess. It was so great to see her, to hug her, to be with her, and to hear her laugh. It almost felt like she had never left as we were all sitting on the floor together, talking, swapping stories, drinking tea and eating good food. It was wonderful.

But as amazing as it was to spend the day with Chase and to welcome Lette back, Saturday was also a day full of sadness.

I had to say goodbye to Roch.

I could have never been prepared for this, even though I knew it was coming. Rochelle has the incredible opportunity to study abroad next semester in Kenya. And though my heart is so excited for her to have that chance to impact the lives of the people in Kenya, my heart also is so deeply saddened by her leaving. I have never been at Trinity without Roch. Since freshman year she has been by my side, leading me, guiding me, caring for me, pouring into me, praying for me, tackling me, and challenging me to be a woman of God. Rochelle has had a HUGE impact on who I am today. I cannot imagine Trinity without her. Words cannot express how much I am going to miss her and the beautiful woman of God that she is.

After all of this, I was finally able to GO HOME.

Home is good. Really good.

Week one of break has truly been wonderful. Saturday night we hung out as a family, watched a movie, and just enjoyed being together. Molly was also with us, which just added to the fun.

Molly has now been with my family for periods of time over both Thanksgiving and Christmas break and through these visits I have definitely been able to get to know her more and the more I get to know her the more I am blessed by the beautiful woman of God that she is. It is so clear that she loves the Lord and that she cares deeply for my brother and even for my family. And she really is one of us. She fits in so well with my family, with how we work, and it really feels like she has been around forever. I think that's part of the reason I have been able to open up with her some these past few weeks. Her sweetness, gentleness, and joy are such a blessing to me and I am thankful for the friend/sister I have found in her. I hope that in these next weeks our friendship continues to grow.

Other highlights of break thus far...

• ELIM!!! On Wednesday I had the opportunity to go up to Elim for the whole day. It was SO good to be able to be there, with my kids and with Mrs. Ashley. My heart was filled with a joy I can't even explain the moment I walked into the building. I belong there. I just do. 

• EM! It has been so good to be back with my dear Emily. I have missed her so much this semester and it has been wonderful to be able to talk with her, catch up with her, laugh with her, and just be with her. Em and I are to the point where we can really do anything and have fun. I am so blessed to have her as my best friend.
• Hangout with Em, Nikki, Molly, and Caroline....On Thursday night all of these beautiful girls were at my house. I cannot even explain what a joy it was to have them all here. We had so much fun just talking, laughing, and being together. I've missed that. 

• Hanging out with Jacob! Oh how I have missed him! This week I was able to spend the afternoon with him, which hasn't happened since I left for college. It was great to be able to spend time with him doing crafts and laughing together.

• Babysitting Jack and Ava! This was also really the first time I got to spend solid time with these two crazies since I left back in August. It was sooooo fun to be there with them! Molly also came with me for the morning part, which was really fun. The kids loved her. 

And for now, I think that's a wrap! I have another post in mind, but you all are going to have to wait till tomorrow for that one.

Last Day of Teacher Aiding

Yesterday was my last day of teacher aiding. I tried to prepare myself for saying goodbye, because I knew it was going to be hard. And let's be real; no sane person should have so strong an attachment to a classroom that isn't even hers that she has to spend a week preparing herself for saying goodbye and then still ends up crying in the car on the drive home.

Then again, I've never been a sane person and I did have such a strong mental/emotional attachment to that classroom that I prepared myself to say goodbye for a week and still cried like a baby on the drive home. 

Emails like this didn't help my preparation process.

My aiding placement this semester has been the best I have had yet. This placement has challenged me, filled me with joy, and grown me in ways I didn't know were possible. The kids tested my limits on some days but on all days left my heart so full that it affected everything else I did that day. 

My first day of aiding I remember sitting in my car almost in tears because of how afraid I was. I was afraid I wasn't going to like being in a high school room. I was afraid that I was going to have to sit in the back and observe. I was afraid I wasn't going to get to interact with the kids at all. I was afraid that my teacher would view me as more of a bother then anything else. 

All of those fears were wiped away in that very first day at Elim. Mrs. Ashley quickly swooped me in and made it clear that after the first week she was going to "put me to work". And on that very first day, I was already interacting and talking with students. 

Over the course of the next two months I fell in love with those kids. Especially two kids in particular. We'll call them Dennis and Denise. These kids in a way almost became "mine", especially Dennis. Most of the students in the classroom had one-on-one aides. Dennis shared an aide with Denise and because of that they weren't getting the one-on-one attention the other students were getting. So Dennis kind of became my student. I worked with him from everything from gym, to working with him during recess, to reading the same baseball book to him every Friday during reading time, to dancing with him, to card making with him, to spending a half hour working on problem solving with him every Monday and Friday. It's safe to say that I got very attached to him, and he, probably even more so, got attached to me. 

Denise, while not to the extent that Dennis did, also became "mine". I spent less time with her, but the time that I did spend with her was beautiful. Denise held a special place in my heart because she reminded me so much of my dear Jacob. I loved getting her to laugh and smile and being able to spend time just talking with her. 

The rest of the students in the class also stole my heart. And while I spent most of my time with Dennis and Denise, I still made sure I was intentionally spending time with the other students as well. I had one girl I sat with at lunch, two girls I sat with during recess, and the other students I would talk to sporadically throughout the day. Sometimes it was hard to do so because the students had their aides with them all the time, but I did the best I could.

The staff in Mrs. Ashley's room was also incredible. They welcomed me in, embraced me, and thought of me as one of them. Mrs. M (one of the aides) actually told me at one point, "sometimes I forget to say hi to you when you come in because you're just one of the family now and you're just a part of us." Mrs. M was also probably my favorite aide. I spent a lot of time talking and laughing with her.

And then of course there was Mrs. Ashley. Mrs. Ashley was absolutely incredible. She was a phenomenal teacher and she set an excellent example for me while I was there. She made sure I was exposed to all kinds of different experiences, from working with the students all the way down to teaching me how to program the student's devices. She was always there to encourage me when I needed it-- from giving me mini pep talks to just saying a few words of encouragement like, "you're doing great, i promise" when I was doing something new for the first time. 

I can't even accurately express in words how much that class influenced me and how much I loved the staff and students. So come Friday, when it came time to say goodbye, I was an emotional wreck. Saying goodbye was really really really hard, and I'm not even going to blog about it because I'm not about to go off crying again. But I will tell you they made me this beautiful book full of pictures and notes from kids and staff. 

I haven't been able to look through it without crying yet.

The Lord really really blessed me with this placement. Words can never express how thankful I am for the opportunity I had to work in Mrs. Ashley's class. I'm going to miss them like crazy. 

3 Minute Blog Post

I have allotted myself 3 minnutes to type this post. Let's see how much I can cover.

Obviously, I have beyond failed at the thankfulness posts. I had no idea at the beginning of last week how crazy it would be. I cried every day out of exhaustion, stress, and frustration (Thank you, Lori, for being there for me to run to and cry with. And then for gently making me get back up and keep working). But, in the midst of the craziness of last week, several good things happened as well:

- I spent time with my beautiful little Azariyah.
- I had time with Kara, JUST US, for the first time in months
- I received notes from people who knew I was struggling
- Teacher aiding Friday was a blast
- I spent quality time with Maxwell...just us. 
- I played a game of Mao with my family that left me in tears because I was laughing SO hard 

The Lord really gave me the encouragement I needed when I needed it, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you who helped get me through last week. I appreciate you all more then you know. 

Quick Updates

Peeps- Life has been beyond ridiculous the past few weeks. I apologize for my blogging absence and to those of you who actually usually see me around, I apologize for not being around. My days have been filled with classes, baby Chase, teacher aiding, homework, devos, and if there is time left over, sleep. Currently I average about 3 hours night. 4 hours on a good night. And nursing majors think they are the only ones who are busy. HA! We education people are just as busy, we just have more fun. (No offense to you nursing majors out there. Earlier this week I heard a girl say that nursing majors were the only ones who ever had anything to do. It ticked me off a little more then it should have). 

So for now, I'll give you the quick rundown of things going on in the life of Emily.

• Classes are insane. My workload is crazy. That comes with taking 19 credits, but still, I have no idea how I function. November is going to be a crazy month for me, and if you ever feel like shooting me an encouraging text, or giving me a hug, I will not deny it. Just thinking about all the work I have to do this month makes me want to cry. 
• Baby Chase- pretty much amazing as always. Chase has definitely become someone I depend on. Funny isn't it? He is only a year old and already has people depending on him. I get a lot of energy and joy from spending time with him, and so often the times I do spend with him are times that help "fuel my fire" so to speak, for the rest of the day. Last week he had the chicken pox and I was unable to be around him. It didn't go well.
• Roseland- talk to me about it in person if you want to know.
• Roommates- I can honestly tell you that for the most part I absolutely love my roommates. Megan and Melissa especially. We get along really really well and I do love spending time with them. Things overheard in Tib 39 this week:
• "My eye is watering like freaking lava!" - Melissa
• "Oh Kids!" - me
• (Browsing christian mingle) "dónde está mi esposo?" (aka, where is my husband?) - Melissa
• "Lord just take me now." - me (studying for midterms)
• "A brownie is a brownie no matter what shape it is in." - Megan
• "OH MY GOSH, this is horrible! Oh no!!!" - Me "calm down, Emily, have you not seen this movie before?!"- Melissa "No I have!" - Me
• "What is my life?!" - me
• "I just want to poke his little beady eyes out!" - Brittany
• "If they kiss I'm going to punch a bat." - Melissa 
• God- the only One who gets me through my roughest days. I'm seeing him do amazing things in my life though, which is incredible.
• Teacher aiding- constantly shows me on a daily basis I am meant to be a special education teacher. I'm going to cry when I have to leave this placement. Hard. 

And I leave you with a little education humor. This cracks me up every time. 

Teacher Aiding

Let me just start off this post by saying there are not a lot of things in life that leave me so full of joy and energy that I can survive for 2 days on 5 hours of sleep.

My teacher aiding placement this semester is one of those things.

I am placed this semester in a high school classroom at Elim Christian School, which is a school for children with special needs. At first I was really nervous about being at Elim. We went through this training process to aide there, and the entire time the lady basically made it sound like we were not going to have ANY interaction with the students and we were literally going to sit in the corner and not do anything. That is also the idea I had in my head from other Trinity students who had aided at Elim before. So I went into it very nervous.  Add that I was placed in a high school classroom on top of those nerves? I was basically a shaking goose when I walked in on my first day. 

But I went in on my first day complete with a flipping cute outfit and my game face. The face that said "I am totally calm right now, this is no big deal, I'm going to smile and pretend I'm not freaking out and like I'm not acutely aware of every single move you make" face. 

I was showed to my classroom where I was instantly overwhelmed by 11 students and another 13 adults. 10 of which were one-on-one aids for the students, one speech path, my cooperating teacher, and then also the assistant teacher. 

Can you say intimidating?

Mrs. S immediately approached me with a huge smile on her face and welcomed me to her classroom. She is only about 26 years old, has been teaching at Elim since graduating, and is as sweet as can be. The love she has for her students was immediately apparent to me as she walked me around and introduced me to each of her students.

Nearly all of my students are nonverbal and are in wheelchairs, which makes the classroom really crowded. But let me tell you this: by the time I finished out that first day, I was in love with it and knew that is where I was supposed to be.

All of Mrs. S's staff literally just welcomed me in and took me under their wings. They filled me in on how long they had been teaching, how they became interested in Special Ed, and more importantly, on their individual students. I learned sooooo much.

I was also interacting with the students on the first day. I talked to several of them for quite a bit of time, went to lunch with them, and went to recess with them.

I can't tell you much about the students themselves because of how strict Elim is, but I can tell you this- each time I have gone to Elim I have left with such an incredible sense of "This is what I am called to do." The joy I get from being around these students is unreal and the energy it gives me is insane. 

I am growing. I am flourishing. I am bonding with the students and staff. I am learning. I am loving. 

And I can't not tell you this. The first thing I saw when I walked in the classroom was a pink hippo pillow. Not even kidding.

I am exactly where God wants me to be. 

Quick Update

It's been a while since I have updated you all on what's been going on, so I thought I should write a quick post with some of the major things from these last two weeks.

• As always, Roseland has been fantastic. I have been struggling with some of the new leaders there who are taking over the LOT program, but the kids are still there which makes it rewarding all the same. We are just in a period of transition, and I don't like that. But it won't be long before it becomes normal, so it's just a matter of getting used to it. Today I got to spend some quality time with my favorite little girl, which I have been unable to do the last two times I have gone because of some of the changes that are being made. It was wonderful to be able to laugh with her, talk with her, let her braid my hair, do homework with her and swing her in circles....Just all around wonderful. 

• Aiding Placement- I've finally decided, as in I decided last week, that I like my aiding placement. It's taken me the whole semester, but I finally got there. I have always liked my cooperating teacher, I'm just not meant to work in middle school. But I have finally really connected with the kids and am learning to love it more and more. The only sad thing about that is I only have a week left. 
• Roommates- This is the hard one. I am finding that I am almost in denial about the fact that I won't be rooming with these girls next year. It breaks my heart. I can't think about it too hard or I just cry. The good news is while it is super hard, we also have had lots of good bonding time and lots of good talks, which I am so thankful for.
• Kaity- Finally last weekend I got to spend some major quality time with Kaity. We watched Mean Girls and did nails, went on a coffee run and just caught up on life. That was insanely wonderful and so needed. I love my best friend. Quote of the night- 
•  Me- "it's going to be 76 degrees tomorrow and 85 on Tuesday!
• Kaity-"I gotta start wearing shorts, but that requires two things, shaving my legs and getting toned legs in one. night!"
• Classes- I am so ready for classes to be done! I am still loving my history class though, so that is fantastic. It has been my favorite class this whole school year by far!
• Dad's Birthday- Dad turned 42 last week!! Woody and I buzzed home really quickly on Tuesday from about 3pm-10pm and spent the afternoon with Dad, Mom, and Max celebrating Dad and the incredible blessing he is to all of us.
• Young Authors Festival- Last week my English Class had the opportunity to take part in the Young Authors Festival which was held on campus. I was put in charge of a group of 6 fourth graders who all wrote incredibly thoughtful and adorable books. Young Authors ran for about four hours and overall it was a great experience. We also had the opportunity to hear Ben Hatke speak, which was really cool.

Pretty pink ponies and fluffy hippo clouds (meaning I have no idea what to title this post)

I'm a bad, bad blogger.

I know, it's been a long time and some of you have been bugging me for updates for a while. So  I think right now I'm going to update you all on just some of the more important things going on.

Aiding Placement:
This semester I am placed in a 7th grade science classroom. My teacher is fabulous and classy and the kids are great- but I am just not called to be a middle school teacher. Honestly, I do not want to much to do with teaching them- I've found during this placement that I very much prefer to spend one-on-one time with the students getting to know them. Yes, we do their homework and I teach them what they need to know, or help them understand what they are not quite getting, but I find that I'm much more drawn to their emotional needs than their academic needs. I find I gravitate towards the girl that comes in with bruises on her arm, or the boy that does nothing but sit in the corner and stare at his shoes. I find myself wanting to talk with the girl that is about 10x thinner then the others who looks like she has not slept in a few weeks. And I have had some great conversations with some of these kids- which may or may not be allowed, I don't really know. I do know I've set my mind to prove to them that they can trust me, and it has paid off in three or four great conversations during free time. And while I may not be able to tell them I am praying for them, I certainly can do it without making it known to them. It is certainly different than my placement last semester. Last semester I was with my 29 precious little first graders who I dearly loved and loved to teach. I left that placement floating on a cloud every day, even on those days that were hard and challenging. I couldn't wait to be a teacher. In this placement I find that I still leave feeling satisfied  but not in the "I can't wait to be a teacher!" way...It's different, I don't really know how to explain it.  

Roseland Christian Ministries:
Since I am aiding with the older kids this semester, I have needed to find a way to be around children since I do not babysit as much this semester as I did last. Don't get me wrong, baby Chase is FANTASTIC.

I mean really, who could resist that face?

Every time I get to babysit him or hold him it makes my day brighter and makes my heart sing. But it's not the same as talking with children and playing with them. I was really wanting to find a way to serve God and children at once last semester and I think my aiding placement did that. But since I am with the 7th graders (who I still love dearly) I have still felt like I am being called to serve children somewhere else.

During interim I started feeling this incredible push by God to get involved in this after school program called Roseland Christian Ministries. There is a group of about 3 or 4 Trinity students that goes consistently on Monday nights and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday afternoons. I have started going on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and oh my hippo, I cannot explain the impact these kids have had on me. It is a pretty decent sized time commitment, it's about 6 and a half hours a week- which is about the same amount of hours as I spend in my aiding classroom per week, but it is so worth it. These kids are incredible. They are all African-American and there is about 25-30 kids in the program. I work with the younger group- so first grade through sixth grade. The oldest student in the program though is 16 and in high school.  At first the kids were hesitant, they did not want to much to do with me because I was new. It took some effort and serious time, but the kids now love me. I am attacked with hugs when I walk in and more then half of them now call me by name. Developing relationships with them has been such a cool experience and it has been so neat to watch how they have grown to accept me and treat me as one of them. I love them and I am so glad that I have found a place where I can serve God and children all at once. 

Other news:

Last week was easily one of the hardest weeks I have had at Trinity in the year and a half I have been coming to this school. It started out with something that happened on a Thursday evening (which if you want to know about feel free to ask me in person) that left me feeling terrified and alone. I really don't think I would have made it through those next two days without some of the amazing people I had rally around me to support me. Lette was incredible through it all. She caught me sobbing in our floor prayer lounge Friday night at like 3am and stayed with me for an hour, even though I wouldn't tell her at that point what was going on. It took me till Monday night to be able to tell her what had happened. My parents were also amazing through it- they really supported me as much as they could from home and I am so thankful for it. Woody was also fantastic- he knows what to say and how to make me feel better that's for sure. Kaity and Alyssa also both were great friends to me as I worked through all that had to be done and I am so thankful for them. But by Wednesday I was already plain worn out from the emotional few days it had been and I had a huge test that evening and was already discouraged and down. Then on Wednesday afternoon perhaps the saddest, most heartbreaking part of being at Trinity yet came down on top of all that I had already been dealing with- my roommates told me that  they did not want to room with me next year. As soon as they said it I was a sobbing mess. They couldn't have picked a worse day to tell me, and I was completely totally shocked. I had NO idea it was coming. I should have seen it, but I didn't. My heart literally felt as if it had been broke into a thousand tiny pieces and my soul just felt crushed. I still don't understand why, but what I do understand is that next semester I don't have roommates. I have no where to go, and the people I have asked to room with have all said they can't take me because they already have housing plans. I am absolutely terrified for next year and I am still hurting and recovering. It's taken me a week to be able to be around my roommates without just bursting into tears. I really don't know what the next year holds for me, but it hurts to not be wanted. But I think God has already been using this in my life, so for now I guess I just have to trust in him and in his plan for me, even if it's really really hard.

The exciting news of my life is that spring break is in 3 days and I'll have ten days at home to relax and be refreshed before tackling the rest of this semester.

Well, that's it for now. Love to all. 

Teacher Aiding

I know I promised this post last night, but things came up. So you are getting it this morning :)

This year I had the opportunity to work in a first glade classroom with 29 little kiddos. Over the past  2 months I have spent 64 hours in the classroom with them, learning side by side them. I can honestly say I have loved every minute of it. There were days I would not want to go because I was having a bad day, and I'd go anyways and end up having a blast with them. I spent countless hours reading to them, working with them one on one, playing games with them, grading their homework, and more. 

Yesterday was my last day, and I was absolutely overwhelmed with the love the kids showed me. I was literally tackled twice, hugged by all individually, some of them even crying. I heard a ton of I love yous, I'll miss yous, and you'll be a great teachers. And the kids each made me a card- and if you know me, you know I love cards.

I was also just extremely touched by my cooperating teacher. She is such a wonderful woman, inside and out. I learned so much from her. I learned how important it is to use positive reinforcement instead of negative. I learned investing time in a kid can change their life. I learned classroom management strategies. I overall just learned a lot about what it means to be a great teacher. Almost every day there were periods of time when it would be just her and I in the classroom and through my talks with her I learned a lot more about myself, and about her. She was an all around just wonderful person, and has told me multiple times now that she is always there for me if I need anything, and to always remember that her door is always open. She wrote me a card as well, and also sent me an email last night that made me cry. 

I am very much going to miss her, and the students. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I've had to do this semester. I think I am definitely going to be one of those teachers that cries at the end of every school year. 

I am so incredibly thankful for the time I got to spend in this classroom. I have learned so much and have grown so much as well.

I can't wait to be a teacher.