I'm not Ready.......

I’m not ready to say goodbye, even just for a summer, to this place I have so quickly learned to call my home. This place, the faces that surround me in my daily life, mean home to me. I realized this fully last weekend. Lette took a few girls from the floor and I to IKEA and Petland- a trip that took us about a half an hour away from campus. By the time we were leaving Petland I was starting to feel sick and had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be home. It shocked me that I wasn’t thinking of my home in Hobart, Indiana.

This semester has been a learning experience for me and has challenged me in ways I didn’t know were possible. I have gone through so much, come through so much, learned so much, and still have so much to learn. This semester I have been given the chance to pour into others in ways I haven’t been able to before- but I have been poured into by others as well. I’ve loved and been loved, nurtured and been nurtured. I’ve lost friendships, and developed friendships. I’ve been broken down and then put back together. I’ve found more of who I am.

The end of this year is the closing of one chapter of my life. At the end of this year I have to say “goodbye” to the three girls I have lived with 18 out of the last 24 months of my life. While I know I’ll see them around campus next year, I know our relationships will never be the same. And that breaks my heart.  These girls are my sisters, and being separated from them is going to be harder for me then I think I realized.

It is also the beginning of a new chapter. Next year I have the unique opportunity to start over. I am rooming with four girls I do not know and who do not know me. I am hoping that this will be the start to a beautiful chapter of our lives- though it is absolutely terrifying to me right now.

And I’m not ready to say goodbye.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my best friend, who has been a constant support and encouragement to me these past months. I can honestly say I am more me with Kaity then I am with anyone else. I laugh harder with her then I ever have with anyone. I cry around her without shame. I’m silly and goofy around her because I know she would never judge me. I have found a beautiful friend in Kaity these past two years and I am so thankful for the constant blessing she is.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my beautiful roommates. I love these girls, so much. 

I’m not ready to say goodbye to two of the most important women in my life. I have been blessed to have these two wonderful ladies as RAs and more importantly as friends these past two years and I don't know where I would be without them. 

I'm not ready to say goodbye to one of the girls I have slowly learned to call one of my dearest friends.

Or to the kiddos that have not only touched my heart but have changed my life.

Not to mention this precious baby boy

and his beautiful mama. Kara has been such an important part of my life this year. She has played a huge role in it and her constant support, love, firmness, and encouragement have helped me become more of who I want to be. I am so thankful for her and the blessing she is.

Trinity is such a huge part of who I am. And while I am excited to be home, I'm also dreading it at the same time. I'm excited to spend time with my family. I'm excited to finish redoing my room. I'm excited to start working. But I don't do well with change, and this summer is bringing in lots of change.

It's a good thing I have a few wonderful people to return to. 

Max- I'm so lucky to have this kid as a brother. His constant encouragement and excitement about my return home this past week has been so needed.

Kieffer- this beautiful young woman is such a light for Christ and I am so blessed to have her as  a friend. 

There are no words to describe Hannah. She is herself. and she is incredibly amazing. 

And of course, my bestest friend. Although Em won't be around much this summer I am still stoked to get to see her before she leaves for her internship.