I'm not Ready.......

I’m not ready to say goodbye, even just for a summer, to this place I have so quickly learned to call my home. This place, the faces that surround me in my daily life, mean home to me. I realized this fully last weekend. Lette took a few girls from the floor and I to IKEA and Petland- a trip that took us about a half an hour away from campus. By the time we were leaving Petland I was starting to feel sick and had this overwhelming feeling of wanting to be home. It shocked me that I wasn’t thinking of my home in Hobart, Indiana.

This semester has been a learning experience for me and has challenged me in ways I didn’t know were possible. I have gone through so much, come through so much, learned so much, and still have so much to learn. This semester I have been given the chance to pour into others in ways I haven’t been able to before- but I have been poured into by others as well. I’ve loved and been loved, nurtured and been nurtured. I’ve lost friendships, and developed friendships. I’ve been broken down and then put back together. I’ve found more of who I am.

The end of this year is the closing of one chapter of my life. At the end of this year I have to say “goodbye” to the three girls I have lived with 18 out of the last 24 months of my life. While I know I’ll see them around campus next year, I know our relationships will never be the same. And that breaks my heart.  These girls are my sisters, and being separated from them is going to be harder for me then I think I realized.

It is also the beginning of a new chapter. Next year I have the unique opportunity to start over. I am rooming with four girls I do not know and who do not know me. I am hoping that this will be the start to a beautiful chapter of our lives- though it is absolutely terrifying to me right now.

And I’m not ready to say goodbye.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my best friend, who has been a constant support and encouragement to me these past months. I can honestly say I am more me with Kaity then I am with anyone else. I laugh harder with her then I ever have with anyone. I cry around her without shame. I’m silly and goofy around her because I know she would never judge me. I have found a beautiful friend in Kaity these past two years and I am so thankful for the constant blessing she is.

I’m not ready to say goodbye to my beautiful roommates. I love these girls, so much. 

I’m not ready to say goodbye to two of the most important women in my life. I have been blessed to have these two wonderful ladies as RAs and more importantly as friends these past two years and I don't know where I would be without them. 

I'm not ready to say goodbye to one of the girls I have slowly learned to call one of my dearest friends.

Or to the kiddos that have not only touched my heart but have changed my life.

Not to mention this precious baby boy

and his beautiful mama. Kara has been such an important part of my life this year. She has played a huge role in it and her constant support, love, firmness, and encouragement have helped me become more of who I want to be. I am so thankful for her and the blessing she is.

Trinity is such a huge part of who I am. And while I am excited to be home, I'm also dreading it at the same time. I'm excited to spend time with my family. I'm excited to finish redoing my room. I'm excited to start working. But I don't do well with change, and this summer is bringing in lots of change.

It's a good thing I have a few wonderful people to return to. 

Max- I'm so lucky to have this kid as a brother. His constant encouragement and excitement about my return home this past week has been so needed.

Kieffer- this beautiful young woman is such a light for Christ and I am so blessed to have her as  a friend. 

There are no words to describe Hannah. She is herself. and she is incredibly amazing. 

And of course, my bestest friend. Although Em won't be around much this summer I am still stoked to get to see her before she leaves for her internship. 

Quick Update

It's been a while since I have updated you all on what's been going on, so I thought I should write a quick post with some of the major things from these last two weeks.

• As always, Roseland has been fantastic. I have been struggling with some of the new leaders there who are taking over the LOT program, but the kids are still there which makes it rewarding all the same. We are just in a period of transition, and I don't like that. But it won't be long before it becomes normal, so it's just a matter of getting used to it. Today I got to spend some quality time with my favorite little girl, which I have been unable to do the last two times I have gone because of some of the changes that are being made. It was wonderful to be able to laugh with her, talk with her, let her braid my hair, do homework with her and swing her in circles....Just all around wonderful. 

• Aiding Placement- I've finally decided, as in I decided last week, that I like my aiding placement. It's taken me the whole semester, but I finally got there. I have always liked my cooperating teacher, I'm just not meant to work in middle school. But I have finally really connected with the kids and am learning to love it more and more. The only sad thing about that is I only have a week left. 
• Roommates- This is the hard one. I am finding that I am almost in denial about the fact that I won't be rooming with these girls next year. It breaks my heart. I can't think about it too hard or I just cry. The good news is while it is super hard, we also have had lots of good bonding time and lots of good talks, which I am so thankful for.
• Kaity- Finally last weekend I got to spend some major quality time with Kaity. We watched Mean Girls and did nails, went on a coffee run and just caught up on life. That was insanely wonderful and so needed. I love my best friend. Quote of the night- 
•  Me- "it's going to be 76 degrees tomorrow and 85 on Tuesday!
• Kaity-"I gotta start wearing shorts, but that requires two things, shaving my legs and getting toned legs in one. night!"
• Classes- I am so ready for classes to be done! I am still loving my history class though, so that is fantastic. It has been my favorite class this whole school year by far!
• Dad's Birthday- Dad turned 42 last week!! Woody and I buzzed home really quickly on Tuesday from about 3pm-10pm and spent the afternoon with Dad, Mom, and Max celebrating Dad and the incredible blessing he is to all of us.
• Young Authors Festival- Last week my English Class had the opportunity to take part in the Young Authors Festival which was held on campus. I was put in charge of a group of 6 fourth graders who all wrote incredibly thoughtful and adorable books. Young Authors ran for about four hours and overall it was a great experience. We also had the opportunity to hear Ben Hatke speak, which was really cool.

Could this day possibly get any better?

I would argue that it probably could not!

First, I spent the morning teacher aiding- and we actually had a really, really good day today! It was so needed, especially since Friday's teacher aiding experiences were not so fantastic. 

It's 64 degrees outside.

Then I came back and went to class, which was actually super fun. My professor is kind of crazy, but today she was super crazy and funny- and the whole class was loving it. If you're interested, google Bethany Keeley-Jonker. Or just check out her blog or her twitter. Believe me- it's worth 5 minutes of your time. She's practically famous. 

After class I just chilled for about an hour and finished up some homework. And then!

I spent some quality time with these two gems! We went for a walk, we went to the park and played on the swings, we went to visit Caroline but she wasn't home, and we went to the BBC! :) I have been waiting for a chance to get some quality time in with both Kaity and Chase- and this afternoon I got to hang out with both! Perfect afternoon? I think so.

I mean really, who could resist that face?

He liked the swings a lot.

Tonight I have a dinner date with Kaity, night class with Alyssa, Bible Study with the floor and Mama Kara, and then a mandatory floor meeting. All good things that make this day even better.

And did I mention it's 64 degrees outside?

http://www.peapodsquadstuff.com/2011/08/catching-my-breath.html

30 Day Blog Challenge....Here we go!

It's no secret I am horrible at blogging. So to get in some practice, I'm starting a 30 day blog challenge that I am challenging myself to keep up with! Along with that I will share the highs/lows of my day. Highs and lows is something we often do on my hall, and it has become one of my favorite things to ask someone about.

Here are the days:


1. Intro and recent photo
2. Favorite 5 blogs.
3. Best advice you ever received.
4. Your current 10 favorite songs .
5. Share: old photos of you/family.
6. Your favorite childhood book.
7. 3 things- 2 true, 1 false
8. Your middle name and how you feel about it.
9. Your favorite season and why.
10. 10 likes and dislikes.
11. 5 places you want to visit.
12. What is your favorite quote and why?
13. Discuss your current relationship status.
14. Where do you want to be ten years from now?
15. Who are your role models and why?
16. A picture that makes you smile and why.
17. Nicknames you have and why you have them.
18. Your top 3 baby girl names and your top 3 favorite baby boy names.
19. What is something that means a lot to you?
20. Do you have any birthmarks? Tattoos? Cool scars? Piercings? 
21. If you could spend 15 minutes with any celebrity who would it be and why?
22. Write about the best, worst, or most awkward date you have ever been on.
23. What are your three biggest pet peeves?
24. If you were famous for one thing what would it be?
25. A picture of someone you would do anything for.
26. Something you are proud of.
27. A photo from your birthday.
28. Your favorite Disney movie.
29. Your celebrity crush.
30. Best thing about your day.

And we are off with day one!

Intro- I feel like this almost is not needed because I just told you why I wanted to do this blog challenge. :) 

Recent picture....

One of my roommates, aka Katie Pollema, left the windows open when she left for spring break. It was literally an ice cube when we got back. Frozen water in the sink, toilet  tub....we all slept with 5+ blankets, hats, and gloves. The only good thing that came out of that was that we had great roommate bonding because we all stayed super close to each other to help keep warm. We also took a bunch of silly pictures.

Highs and lows of the day.

Low of the day- Last night was really tough for me because I realized more how much I am going to miss Laura, Becca, and Katie next year. These girls are my sisters, and being away from them is going to be way harder then I can imagine. I love our random picture taking events, or making fun of Katie, or hearing one of them sing at the top of her lungs in the shower. I love watching Once Upon a Time with them and laughing till we cry or scream at the tv. I love having amazing conversations about God with them and listening to worship music on Sunday mornings while we all get ready for church. My heart is hurting right now, and while I am doing better with this then I was last week, I don't really know if the hurting will ever completely go away...more it might just become more of a numbness. I think part of the reason I am so sad is because I don't really think they will try to keep up a relationship with me next year unless I really really push for it. I am just praying God has his will....but also praying that his will is for us to remain close.

High of the day- Do I have to name just one?

• Coffee with Aletta Jean. Lette and I got coffee at the BBC this afternoon and just kind of caught up on life. I heard lots about her spring break and told her about mine too. Lette is one of those people I just absolutely love spending quality time with. Her heart is so sweet and gentle and she genuinely cares for people without ever judging them. 
• Talking with Kara. I had the chance to spend about a half-hour with Kara this afternoon, just the two of us. No baby Chase to distract us this time. It was wonderful to be able to catch up with her and talk with her for a bit.
• Dinner with Kaity-  I feel like every time Kaity and I hang out we end up laughing so hard we cry at least once if not twice- tonight was no exception.
• Cancelled night class, need I say more?

Well, I think that is it for tonight. I hope you all had a lovely and blessed day.

-Em

Interim and more

This interim has been crazy! I feel like I have been constantly doing things, which has been so good for me. I love being productive.

My interim class has been a bit of a let down. While my eyes have been opened to many issues concerning people with disabilities, the class is not at all what I was expecting. Going into the class I was under the impression that we would actually be going out and doing disability ministry and working with people with disabilities. But instead we just sit and listen to lecture for 3 hours. Some of them have been really good; we have watched a ton of excellent videos like this one on Down Syndrome  and this one about siblings of students with special needs. But I was really hoping to get out and actually be working to serve people with disabilities, and we only got that opportunity once. In my mind, we would have learned a lot more working alongside people with disabilities than we learned doing hours and hours of reading and homework.

But besides the class, interim break has been super relaxing and fun. I have hung out with my lovely Kaity a ton, which is nice because I missed her a ton over break. We spent countless hours laughing at the most ridiculous things, falling asleep to movies, having lunch/dinner dates, going shopping, and just spending time together. I am so thankful for that girl :)

 I have spent time with the roomies and we've had lots of roommate bonding and good conversations, which was also a great way to start off the new school year.

Basically my mornings were spent by myself in the room. Usually I would wake up and walk around Lake Katherine, then come back and spend an hour or so reading my Bible and drinking coffee. I really love having the mornings to myself, just to spend time with God and relax. I'm definitely going to miss that once the semester starts. 

Some things I have been blessed by in particular this interim:

1) Lette. Not that this one is surprising to anyone. Lette has already been encouraging to me this year, and the official semester has not even started yet. The past few days especially I have had the chance to spend a lot of good quality time with her and I have so enjoyed it and getting to know her a little bit more. On Friday we went to Lake Katherine and got coffee and then hung out in her room for little bit, and then yesterday I went to visit her when she got back from her retreat and we talked for a bit then I did homework in there while she worked on a project. So just little things we've done together that have been such a blessing.

Lette and I at open mic night last week

2) Kara. Kara is my residence hall director. She is one of the most loving, caring, nonjudgmental people I have ever met. Our friendship started developing before Christmas break and is continuing to grow and I am very thankful for her and the love and support she shows to me and all of the rest of our building. She also has an adorable little baby boy, Chase, who I love to go in and play with whenever I have the chance.

3) Max. Max and my relationship has started to heal these past few weeks. Basically since I came back from Florida. Since then he has been talking with me more and over interim on nights when I have been missing home I have called and he's talked with me for like a half hour each time just about the most random things. It's been so good for my heart to have him back. I am excited for God to continue to work and heal that relationship in these next weeks and months.

I feel like there is so much more I could say, but I have to go get ready for class. Last day of interim? I think so!!! Yes! Love to all!

But YOU can....

Being back at Trinity has already proven to be wonderful, but also already proving to be challenging. If you remember reading a blog from the day after school let out for Christmas break, I ended with saying that this semester I was really going to challenge myself to do more, be more, etc etc. I really want to be "better" at a lot of things this semester, and God is already showing me how much I am going to need Him in that...

Coming back to Trinity was very difficult this time around and it didn't help that I wasn't able to say goodbye to my parents because they were at the hospital in Chicago with my grandparents when I left. I wasn't ready to leave home when things with Max were just starting to get better. I wasn't ready to leave home and come back and be held accountable for things again. I just wasn't ready.

But once I got here I was filled with joy upon seeing my roommates and my old RA, Roch. I hadn't realized quite how much I had missed them. Since Kaity was working, I ended up watching Pitch Perfect with Laura, Becca, and Roch, which was just a sweet and fun time together. And then today I was finally able to see Kaity, which really made me feel at home again. 

But today also came the first real day that I had to start holding myself accountable again. And it's a lot harder then I thought it was going to be. I think setting goals for yourself is a good thing- it's good to have something to work towards. I think I just have to work at 1) not expecting everything to be perfect right off the bat and 2) not setting my goals so high that they are setting me up for failure. 

And I think the biggest lesson of all is realizing that I can't do it all by myself. It's realizing that I need to turn things over to God that I haven't. It's praying, "Lord, I can't...but you can." It's realizing God's plans for me are so much better then my own. 

So tonight, my prayer is, "Lord, I can't. But YOU can." I challenge you to pray this prayer as well if you are going into this next semester struggling with something...put it in God's hands. Let Him work in you. 

Kaity

People. You all need to know...this girl is wonderful. 

She fills my life with sooooo much joy and happiness. She makes me laugh till I cry, and makes me laugh when I am crying. She is super kind and caring. She is beautiful inside and out. And I am so incredibly grateful that I can call her one of my best friends.

Tonight I got to hang out with her for the first time in a week. I love it when we get to spend time catching up and just chatting and laughing together. Here's some quotes from our evening:


"when you see a window do you ever want to just stick your head out it, or dive out of it and feel the glass crashing?" 

"I wish I was a piece of flem in someones throat...I like flem but some people don't so i'm going to stop talking about it now"

"I want a pacifier don't get me wrong...but im afraid if I get one people will think i need psychiatric help! maybe you can just get my a pacifier for secret time."

"That wasn't as dramatic as i wanted it to be because I got stuck in the blanket"

Freshmen Year/ Adjusting to life back home

Well. I did it. I'm officially a sophomore in college (holy crap). 

Freshmen year was absolutely amazing and so far exceeded all my hopes and expectations. I made some amazingly amazing friends who I miss terribly already and am already excited about seeing again.

My roommates are basically amazing and I love them to death. Although we had our ups and downs over the past few months I love them dearly and would do anything for them. Laura kept me going on the days I didn't want to keep going. She constantly made me laugh and I knew if I ever needed her she would be there for me. She was the one I found during outcry when I was a crying mess and she was the one crying on the floor laughing with me while looking up Helen Keller jokes (which our other roommates...didnt appreciate like we did). Becca also was an encouragement to me and I think I had more talks about God with her then anyone else. She makes me laugh and she has a great heart for the Lord. And of course we have KP, who wasn't technically my roommate, but basically lived in our room (enough so that my RA counted her in    all our floor events, dinners, and even on our finals board). She's small and funny and she can make me laugh harder then most people. I'm excited to actually have her as a roommate my sophomore year.

Kaity and Cassandra were my first real friends at Trinity. Cassandra and I were buddies literally from day one when we met in FYF. I knew right away that I would be friends with her, and it turns out she is one of my dearest friends. Kaity and I also hit it off almost immediately and I seriously cannot picture Trinity without her. She was the one I would run to whenever I needed a laugh and her sweetness amazes me. I don't know what I would have done without her. So many of my favorite college memories happened with her around and I'm sure many many more will be made in the future. 

Rachel, Brittany, and Abby also played a huge role in making freshmen year as amazing as it was. These 3 girls had a knack for always taking me by surprise, and I think I spent as much time with them as I did my own roommates towards the end of the year. Abby and I suffered through English Lit together which obviously made us friends. Brittany was always there to give hugs and smiles, and back scratches :). I love these girls. I'll probably be sleeping in their room alot sophomore year ;)

 Lori and Caroline...I think it's fair to say I spent more time in Lori's room then I did anyone else's, except maybe Kaity. It's funny to think that when I first met her during first semester I was beyond scared of her, and saying a few words in front of her I considered an accomplishment. She ended up being one of my closest friends and I love her dearly. I think we are a lot a like in some ways and we both share a passion for children and both plan on being teachers. She also helped me conquer my hear of heights as I spent many hours on her bunk bed. I miss this girl like 

crazy already and have a hard time thinking about the fact that she is a year older then me and won't be around my senior year. And Caroline brought a piece of home to Trinity and having her around made Trinity feel more like home, especially during first semester. And I know that if I ever needed her, she would have been there. 

I loved my first year at Trinity. There are very very few things I would have changed about it. I miss everyone already and am excited to go back. But for now I am enjoying a break from classes and the stress that comes with them.

However adjusting to life back home hasn't exactly been easy, though it's gone pretty okay. I love my family. They're awesome. My youngest brother, Max, and I get along so well it's insane. I'm probably closest with him out of all my family and being back with him is wonderful. My dad and I, though we don't agree on everything, get along super well and respect each other and have a great relationship. My mom and I on the other hand have always struggled and it's looking like this summer isn't going to get much better. I can never seem to shake the feeling that she is trying to control me, and she has a way of saying things and twisting them that drives me crazy sometimes. But I love her, and I plan on trying to make our relationship better over this summer (some times I am more positive about this plan then other times) But we've already had fun as a family playing games and hanging out. Max and I have played Just Dance 3 for hours this week and have had a blast. 

Probably the hardest change from living at college to coming back and living at home is the rules. At school, Woody and I follow our own schedules, make our own decisions, and are very much living on our own. But coming back it was quite clear that my parents are very much trying to control us with their rules, and it hasn't seemed to change much from last year. For the most part, I don't care. I don't  stay out super late unless I'm spending the night somewhere. Woody has a harder time then I do with that because he feels like my parents very much are overstepping their boundaries. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out once his girlfriend comes home. I have a feeling we'll end up talking with my parents about the situation sometime in the near future. 

Being back with my friends though is quite possibly the best part of being home so far. Sunday night I got to spend time with our youth group, and Annie, Nikki and Rachel.  It was a blast. I didn't realize how much I missed them until we were running around the yard chasing each other, and then running away from my brother pretending to be a possessed bunny. It was so much fun and I love those girls sooo much! I was officially excited for summer after Sunday night. Nikki and I have already hung out and Emily gets back tonight so I get to see her. Summer is going to be great.