Thankful, Day 3

Today I'm thankful for my girls from Alumni. 

One of the only pictures we have of all of us- Me, Kaity, Rachel, Abby, Lori, Cassandra, Brittany and C

Rachel and Abby

Kaity, Brit and I

Kaity and Cassandra

I have barely spent any time with these girls this past month. I've seen them in passing, and occasionally hung out with them one on one. But we haven't hung out as a group in weeks.

This week we were finally able to get some quality hang out time in. And oh, my goodness. I had forgotten what happens when we are all together. We are so crazy and there is constant laughing and joy just fills me up. I hung out with 4 of these girls Thursday night for a while after outcry and I swear Brittany and I were just feeding off of eachother, making the others laugh hysterically. Then when Cassandra and Rachel caught on to the silly mood...I love these girls so much.

I think part of the reason I've been struggling so much these past weeks is partly due to the fact that I haven't spent time with these girls. They bring me so much joy and happiness. In fact, in about 5 minutes I'm going to hang out with them! :) 

 

Thankful, Day 1 and 2

Well friends, it's November already. This semester has absolutely flown by, and I cannot believe it's almost Thanksgiving! So crazy. It's also the time when things are picking up and getting hectic- professors are giving out assignments left and right, work loads get heavier, and we get busy. Sometimes when we are busy it's hard to take the time to remember to be thankful and joyful.
 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in     Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19                 

 Let us come before him with thanksgiving, and extol him with music and song. – Psalm 95:2


God calls us to be thankful. So why is it sometimes we have such a hard time doing it?


For the month of November, I'm going to try and post something(s) that I am thankful for. I would also like to encourage you all to do this too. Maybe not on a blog, but on a piece of paper, in a word document, in your journal, whatever it is. Take the time to write down things you are thankful for. I've only been doing it for two days, and I'm already encouraged.


So I am going to include day 1 and day 2 in this post, since it's November 2nd today and I missed yesterday.


Day 1: I'm thankful for...
My dad.

 My dad is one of the most incredible, loving, caring, firm, God-filled people I know. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and has completely dedicated his life to Him. He fiercely loves me and the rest of my family, and is always, always there for us. Ever since I was little I've always had a special relationship with my dad. He has always been there for me to run to. He always has open arms to catch me when I'm happy, sad, or just need my daddy.

I've always been closer with him then I have been with my mom, and I think because of that I've learned to rely and trust him a lot. Don't get me wrong, we've gone through our dark times. There's been times I've despised him for making me do things, and I've definitely been angry at him on multiple occasions. But I know that he always, always, wants what is best for me. He wants me to love the Lord, fall in love, get married, have kids, and be happy. 

 Looking back on all the things he's done that have made me angry, I now see were really just his ways of looking out for me and protecting me. And believe me, I was trouble from 15-17. I'm so thankful that my dad has continued to love me throughout all these years, and I'm so thankful that lately we have been able to grow even closer and that I've been able to really open up and trust him with things going on.

Thankful, day 2

I'm thankful for conversation. In particular, conversation with this lovely lady-

This is Anna. She lives on my hall. She is someone I have been getting to know slowly these past few weeks, and I have so enjoyed getting to know her. Anna and I have been able to have some really awesome conversations just about life these past few weeks, and tonight we sat and talked for a half hour just because we could, and it turned into a great conversation about what God's been teaching us lately. I love our little random chats, and I love her!

More tomorrow. Love you all.

Miranda

Please be in prayer for the Jackson and Balluch families in the upcoming weeks. Today little Miranda Jackson lost her two year battle with leukemia and is now with Jesus in heaven. 

Just a note....

Just a note to say, I really love notes. I love writing them. I love getting them. I love them in general.

For those of you who know me at all, you know that I'm a note writer. I write notes all the time. (If I'm aware you're having a hard time, or you have a big test, or you're crazy stressed, chances are, you'll get a note). I write them whenever I feel like it really. Sometimes to encourage people in specific ways, other times just to let people know they are loved and appreciated. I've written notes for people since I can remember, it's just one of my "things".  

People who know me well also know that while I adore writing notes, I also love getting them. It's kind of my weakness. (whenever I get a man, he better write me some cute cards...and I'm holding you all responsible to make sure he does k? okay just kidding. kind of.) I still have almost all of the notes I can remember ever being given. I have a box of notes people have written me in my closet here at Trinity, as well has boxes at home. I have notes tacked up on the back of my desk that I can see every day. I just love notes.

So today I've been feeling kind of sick and lousy. I've been in pretty good spirits for the most part, but about an hour ago I just started feeling sucky and tired. I decided to take a 5 minute power nap (okay 15 minutes) and when I woke up and opened the door, there was a note with my name on it hanging there. My whole day was made as I read over the cute encouraging card a friend down the hall had written me. And it put me in such a good mood all over again. 

Learn to love and find joy in the little things because sometimes, it's the little things that make such a huge difference.

Sometimes Joy Shows Up When You Least Expect It

Warning- blogging is therapeutic. This is going to be one of those types of blogs. And it might be a bit all over the place.

The last thing I thought I would be blogging about this week is joy.

In fact, the list of ideas I had for blog posts were far from it. This week has been a week filled with heartbreak, sadness, and some sort of deep emptiness I don't think I could ever put into words. Many tears have been shed, many fists pounded, many emotions have been flying around. 

But I realized last night that most of my time this week, or even in these past few weeks, has been spent being consumed by all of the hard circumstances going on. And while I haven't been  "depressed" there's been a constant sadness inside of me that has been almost controlling me. Yes, I've had my moments where something hilarious happens and I laugh till I cry. I've rejoiced in the moments when God reveals more of Himself to me. But I'd say about 75% of my time these past weeks has been filled with sadness.

Where did my joy go?

That's the question I asked myself at 11:00 last night as I sat in my bed, Bible open, and tears flowing. My devotional for the morning had talked about not letting Satan steal our joy. I had kind of blown it off because I didn't think it really applied to me. "Sure, I'm joyful enough". It wasn't until looking back on the past weeks that I realized my joy was gone. And I didn't know where it was.

I have this tendency to not deal with things. I push them deep down inside of me and let them sit there and nag at me until I am so filled with hurt and pain I explode on someone, or even on myself. I don't deal with it until I absolutely have to. 

The problem with this is it does create this ever present sadness inside of me, even if I am not fully conscious of it at the time. It creates feelings like:

I'm not good enough.
I failed her, again.
I'm not who I should be.
I'm not strong enough.

And the list goes on. Last night as I sat in my bed I dug deep inside myself, into the secret chambers I've been hiding my pain in. And as I sat there crying I got on on paper all my feelings, insecurities, fears, and things that I now know have been holding me back.  It was one of the most freeing feelings in the world. And let me tell you, digging inside of yourself to pull out all the ugliness is not fun. It's scary, and sometimes I think you learn things about yourself that you didn't know before. But I did it. And there was a joy that came with it. A joy that I know came directly from God. Because I would have never made it through these past few days without Him.

We have to be careful not to let Satan steal our joy. We have to be careful not to let circumstances get us to the point where we are sad all the time. We have to guard ourselves and not let our problems consume us. It's unhealthy. 

So for now, I'm working on getting my joy back.

And this is something that has brought me joy today.

What has brought you joy today? Tell me about it! Leave a comment, text me, or walk over and tell me(For all you trin people). Sharing joy creates joy. :)

Thankful

I have come to realize something this week. I do not spend enough time being thankful for everything I have. Really, when was the last time I sat down and wrote out a list of things I was thankful for? I'm just going to share a few things that I've been especially thankful for this past week.

First of all, I am so, so thankful for the all powerful, amazing, awesome, mighty, loving, caring, firm, gentle, incredible God we have. God did some powerful things in my life this weekend/week. He broke me,  and is now putting me back together in ways I would have never thought possible.

I am so thankful for Lette. I know I mentioned her in my last blog post, but she's going to get mentioned again just because I am so thankful for her.

Lette has been such a blessing and encouragement to my heart these past few weeks, but this week especially. I've really been able to open up and let her into some of the hardest and darkest parts of my life and have learned to trust her completely. That's pretty big for me...It usually takes me much much longer to open up about anything, but especially some of what I've been able to share with her this week. It just goes to show that God is using her in my life right now. And it's so true. She's been such an incredible blessing to me. I really don't know what I would have done without her this week. God has blessed me so much by putting her in my life and has really helped me be able to open up with her. And I feel like I really can open up with her because I know she wont judge me. She really has a way of seriously caring for people without ever judging them, which is such a blessing. She's so loving and encouraging. I only hope I will be able to encourage her too. 

I am thankful for these 4 girls.

They constantly fill my life with love, laughter and joy and I am so thankful for each and every one of their friendships. My life would so not be there same without them. I am so grateful that I was able to develop strong friendships freshman year, because this year would be way harder without them!

I am super, super thankful for this building.

Living in Tibstra Hall is such a huge blessing. While I hate living in a different building then my 4 girls pictured above, I am so thankful for Tibstra.  It's just such a fantastic place to live. This past week we had several building events that turned out great and I love the community that Tibstra is. Lette said it's like a neighborhood where all the families know eachother, and it's so true. It's great.

I am thankful for this girl-

This is Alyssa, and she is another one of those people God is really using in my life right now. She is so kind and sweet and just genuinely cares for others. Alyssa and I are a lot alike in many ways, including that we both just like taking care of other people and don't necessarily always like being taken care of. But because of that we are good friends for eachother, because I think we force the other to accept help sometimes. It's been really awesome to watch our friendship start growing these past weeks.

I'm thankful for Outcry and the blessing it is to be able to worship together with other believers every week. It's such an amazing time and i love feeling God's presence there.

I'm thankful for the beautiful colors on the trees and the coolness of fall. Fall is my favorite season, and I am welcoming it with open arms.

I'm thankful for teacher who is allowing me to teacher aid in her classroom.

I'm thankful for the students I am getting to work with.

I am thankful that I can sit here and write this blog.

There is so much to be thankful for. I have so many more things I would write about if I had time. I challenge you to spend some time just thinking about how blessed you are. You'll be amazed, I promise.

Life

This past week and a half has been completely, totally, crazy. Let's recap:

Last week was the amazing Caroline's 20th birthday! Yippeee! Hours were spent planning, kindnapping, decorating, and celebrating her wonderfulness. 

Here she is with her blindfold on

Group of girls celebrating at The Plush Horse

It was a fun filled 3 days of prep and celebrating. I can honestly say I think we really succeeded in surprising her and making her feel special for her 20th! She is so special herself and she definitely deserved a day to be spoiled and loved on because she loves on us so much and does so much for me and all of her girls.

After that, there was the constant homework that attacked me. I have several huge projects due this week, so that's been a bit stressful. Trying to figure out how to manage my time wisely has been a struggle for me so far this semester.

I think the biggest struggle this past week has just been keeping my emotions in check. Everything has been so up in the air and crazy- my roommate is "going out" with the guy liked for the past 9 months- people have turned out to be different then I thought they were, feelings have been hurt, things said and done, and it's just been crazy roller coaster ride that I am more then ready to get off of. The bad part about this is I've pushed it all aside and haven't dealt with it like I should have. I really didn't even realize how poorly I was doing until talking with my family. Without even realizing it until days later, I had entered into survival mode..which scares me because it's just the beginning of the year.

Through it all though, I've also had the chance to really open up and talk about stuff with this amazing girl:

This is my RA, Lette. She is seriously one of the kindest, sweetest, most genuine people I have ever met. The love she has for God and her heart for Him is so evident in her life and the love she has for us girls is incredible. She is kind of like wonderwoman on steroids. She always has time for her girls and never makes us feel like we're not wanted even when she has tons of things she needs to be doing. She has been such an encouragement to me basically since we've been here. We had our first real conversation at desk one night and we just talked about God and life and classes and our families and just got to know eachother a little bit, which was so cool. That conversation was quickly followed by another, and another, and it's been so awesome to get to spend time with her. She's always there for us girls and she's been there for me to run to so many times already. She's such a blessing and God is really using her in my life.

She also has set an example not just for me but also for all the girls on our floor. She leads our floor Bible Study, which we've only had twice, but it's already incredible. I think God is going to do great things through this Bible Study. We're working through the book of Colossians, and one of the things Lette had us do was (she handed us printed out copies of Colossians 1) and she had us read through it together as a group, but then individually and underline and write all over the paper our thoughts, things that stuck out to us, and more. And then we shared some of those things. It was awesome. God is so good.

I feel like there's alot more I could update on, but sadly I have homework to do and almost 4 hours of class still to go tonight. I've also been told my blog posts are too long, so I'm gonna work on writing shorter posts. Love to all. Till next time.

This song has been quite meaningful to me this week. Something about it... If you're interested in a great band, listen to this song, then go look up Michael Henry and Justin Robinett. They do alot of really amazing covers- this song was originally done by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (They sing face down, which is another one of my favorite songs thanks to my roommate who went through a period where she played it all the time) But this song -points below- is amazing. Take a few minutes and listen. 

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Use me as you will

pull my strings just for a thrill

And I know, I'll be okay

Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I will be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven 

Move in, 1st week back at Trinity

Well ya'll, I'm back in the 708. This first week back at Trinity has been totally amazing, overwhelming, and so much more. Things are definitely already proving to be different this year-   different dorm, new people, new classes, and this semester will be a challenge, but in a good way I think. It's been good in the sense that I'm having fun being back with my girls but hard in the sense I've had to adjust to having people here that I struggle with having here, and sometimes adjusting hurts. But I'll talk about that in a few minutes. Before I get there, let me show you around my dorm. 

Our bedroom

My bed is the bottom one

my closet on the left and Ashley is on the right

can you guess which desk is mine?

our bathroom that is already eating things.So far i've lost a pair of earrings and my hairbrush. Which gives
me the excuse to loudly sing "Oh where is my hairbrush" every morning and annoy my roommates

our kitchen

roomies

Our room is huge and I love the fact that we now have 1) a microwave in our kitchen and 2) couches. There is something so awesome about being able to come in exhausted from rollerblading or from classes and just being able to plop down on the couch. It's so homey. 

Things are going pretty okay with the 5 of us. We have a new roommate, Ashley, and she fits right on in with us and it almost feels like she's never not been around. It's been hard at times and I've been worried that things are going to end up like the end of last year, but I've really just been trying to trust God with the whole thing and I've been spending as much time with them as I can and trying to deepen the relationships...Hopefully things will go well this year.

Classes are going well so far. This semester I feel like I'm a little in over my head. I'm taking 18 credits, which is normal, but all of my classes are super, super, super hard and come with a ton of work. I'm taking a technology in education class that is a class that tends to cause panic attacks, late night freak outs, and tears. (I haven't experienced it personally, but I've watched and seen girls who have taken it before me beat themselves up about this class) It's a ton of projects and work and I don't mind that too much, but I am worried about being able to keep up with it. I'm taking a intro to special ed class that already has me pulling my hair out. The prof in unorganized, and didn't even give us a syllabus to see when assignments are due and things like that. I think I'll like the class itself because I'm excited to learn about something that's actually in my major, but I am so not the type of person that does well when she doesn't know what's expected of her and what's due when. My philosophy class is going to be boring, but everyone that goes to Trinity who knows about that prof would agree. OH! And I'm taking sign language, which going into I had absolutely no idea how hard and how much work it would be. Learning a language in a semester is going to be so difficult, especially because I have to basically re learn how to speak. (Did you know that the deaf culture uses their eyes in order to show all kinds of things? neither did i.  Did you know American Sign Language is the third most widely used language in the United States? neither did I. ) But while yes it's going to be crazy, I am so excited! I have always wanted to learn sign, so this is perfect! 

Along with managing classes and roommates, I've also had to start to learn to adjust to having my brother's girlfriend here at Trinity with us this year. And I know it shouldn't be a problem, but I've actually had a really, really hard time with it. I feel like she's in my space, doing what I should be doing, hanging out with my friends, and I know it's kind of stupid, but I'm afraid people are going to like her more then they like me so I get really insecure about the whole thing. And she doesn't exactly help when she comments on my clothes, my looks, how I should be better then I am in some areas of my life that I happen to be struggling with right now. I feel like I'm in a constant competition with her here, and I hate that. I know it's a problem, but I just don't know how to change it.  I dont even know. It's hard for me to see people get annoyed with me, but then be fine with her. It's hard for me to let her in to this part of my life. It's something I've been struggling with and praying through with God, but that doesn't make it easy. 

But it's been fantastic being back with my girls. I didn't realize how much I missed Brittany, Abbey, Kaity, Cassandra, and Lori until we were all back together again. They fill my life with fun, laughter, craziness, love, and so much more. Each one of them is very special to me and I am so grateful God has blessed me with such amazing friends.

Well, that's about all that's going on here...I'll update more someday soon