LOTR

The kind of friend I strive to be.

I remember when I first watched the Lord of the Rings movies years and years ago I used to sit and wish I could be like Sam. Since then I've always tried to strive to be as great of a friend to my friends, especially those I feel I'm closest with, as Sam is to Frodo. Sam's love for Frodo and his loyalty to him is so incredible. We've been watching these movies again as a family this week and it was a good reminder for me. Be a good friend. I know there are times I fail miserably, but striving to be a good friend like this is a pretty good goal. Be positive. Love eachother. Our world would be a different place if everyone had a Sam. I've started up this page on Twitter this week, and it has seriously changed my whole outlook on life. The page is for people who struggle with certain things, and just this week I've talked to almost 30 girls and have reached over 100. So many of the girls I'm hearing from have been betrayed by their "best friend" or are bullied in school and at home, and are just depressed and hurting so deeply. I found myself thinking today what if they had a Sam. Better yet, what if they had God? I'm slowly working in my faith into my message and what I'm telling these girls. I'm hoping that they can find their "Sam" in God. I know so far at least one of the girls has accepted Christ and is spending time reading the bible online each day instead of dealing with her depression and pain in other ways. That's so cool. God changes lives. Just like He changed mine. 

Millie

This is a blog post I wrote last November...for those of you who remember it and don't want to reread it, just skip till after the picture. But you might have a better idea of what I'm talking about if you reread this paragraph really quick.

"Sometimes I find myself curling up and crying because I miss someone so much. Today it happened for the first time in a long time. I was going through pictures and videos till I found a video of a certain little girl singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway.” And my brain wasn’t ready for it. Before I knew it tears were running down my face as my heart ached for that little girl…. Millie holds a special spot in my heart. She was born when I hit a rough patch in my life, and I remember she was always able to cheer me up when I saw her. Even as a little baby. By the time Millie was old enough to recognize people, she would see me and instantly smile and hold her arms out for me to pick her up. She loved me, and I loved her. As she got older she became my little sidekick, rarely was I without her. She spent loads of time at my house and we would just hang out. She would color while I did my homework, or play with my hair, or entertain me with her countless stories. She would come running to the door as soon as she knew I was done with school and come running in with sparkling eyes ready to do whatever it is we were going to do. We played dress up, and I did her makeup. We did photoshoots. We spent countless afternoons curled up on the couch watching princess movies and then acting them out. As we both got older some things changed, but for the most part our relationship always stayed the same. We still spent hours a week together, and once I could drive she would tag along with me to the store or wherever I was going. I think it’s safe to say I spent more time with her then I did almost anyone else back then. She was just like a little sister.  We grew up together. We had a special bond, something you almost have to see in order to understand. We have our own special friendship- or as my mom puts it, “Millie’s complete and utter trust in Emily to catch her and spin her is such a lesson in true love. Their friendship has been a gift of God to all those who have been able to really observe it.”

Then Millie’s family moved away. They moved to MN, which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. After 6 years of spending at least 3 afternoons a week together she was moving somewhere where I realized it would be hard for me to even see her once a year. The days leading up to the move were full of a sadness I cant even begin to explain… The day of the actual move went better then I had expected. Millie spent the morning at our house and we made videos and danced and laughed. When we were called out of my room to say goodbye though the waterworks hit instantly. My family and the Sytsma family gathered around the car to pray and there wasn’t a single dry eye. I cried harder then then I think I ever have in front of people. After we prayed I picked millie up and carried her over to the car. Set her in her seat and kissed her goodbye. She cried and said she didn’t want to leave me. It was emotional. I felt empty once they left. The day slowly passed. My best friend came over to spend the night with me because she knew I would be hurting. It got better once Millie called me from the road and told me she loved me.

Since Millie moved we have kept in contact, talking at least once a week and sending letters back and forth. When she came to visit me this past summer we picked up exactly where we had left off. When she left it was just as emotional as the first time. We’ve continued to talk at least once a week. She’s still my Millie May and I’m still her Emmy. For the most part it has gotten significantly easier, yet there are those days like today when all I want is a hug from her and I end up missing her so much I get a stomachache and end up crying.

Millie will always be a huge part of my life. Her picture sits on my desk so it’s one of the first things I see each day. Her little letters brighten up my day and when we talk on the phone neither one of us ever wants to hang up. Our friendship has continued, and although we cant see each other as often as we would like, we both keep each other in our hearts. Sometimes when I talk to her it amazes me how much her little heart and mind remember, and it amazes me how sincere she is. She’ll start talking about things we did we when she was little, recalling memories perfectly, just as I remember them. Or like yesterday she’ll say, “Emmy, I miss you so much that it makes me sad. It sometimes makes my heart hurt. But I know you love me and so I’m okay.” to which I reply, “I feel the same way.” I know in my heart she’ll never forget me because our bond was so strong and special before she moved away. And that makes it so much easier for me to miss her, because I know she’s missing me too."

Yesterday my precious little Millie turned 8...I can't believe how big and beautiful she is. She's still the same little girl that use to run into my arms and beg me to play with her, and yet she has grown up so much. Her baby like features have faded, she's almost as tall as I am, and is full of life, joy, laughter and so much more. I was able to skype with her for the first time in over a year last Thursday and seeing her face brought tears to my eyes. Oh how I miss her so much. This week especially. I've longed to be able to spin her in circles and curl up on the couch to watch Tangled together. 

Millie is still completely irreplaceable. I spend hours with my new little neighbor girl and still it doesn't even begin to compare to my times spent with Millie. She is so incredibly special to me, and I miss her so much my heart is literally hurting for her.

I don't suppose I'll ever stop missing Millie. Just some weeks are much, much harder then others. Like this week. Even as I write this I have tears just streaming down my face that I can't seem to get under control. It's funny how one little girl can affect your life so much.

Life In General These Days

Hello all you people who read this blog.

Life lately has consisted of work, bike riding, helping take care of an injured brother, knitting, absolutely no sleep, and spending time with friends. Summer has absolutely flown by and I can't believe school starts two weeks from tomorrow! I'm actually almost completely ready to go back now, which is a big improvement from a week ago when the thought of going back typically ended with tears. I think that was mostly driven from the fact that I wasn't ready to say goodbye to my best friend quite yet, so every time I thought about leaving I got sad. But now that she's gone and back to school, I'm basically ready to go. I haven't packed even a little bit and have no plans of starting before next week. I still have to get a ton of stuff...if you know me at all you know that I like planning way in advance and pack super early for everything, so the fact I haven't started yet is pretty big for me. I'm also getting super super super excited to be back with all my girls at Trinity. I miss everyone so so much and am so excited to be able to hug everyone and catch up about summer and life. 

So I'll just update on the basic of life right now..or maybe like this past week.

This week I've worked a ton! Sometimes I feel like all I do is work. I even ended up babysitting on my day off this week. Which I don't really mind, but sometimes when things are just back to back to back I start getting a little crazy. And since things have basically been back to back to back all summer, I've picked up a new habit. Knitting. 

Knitting has kind of become my emotional release. When I'm stressed, I knit. When I'm upset, I knit. When I feel like nothing is going well, I knit. I knit when I don't know what to do, I knit when I'm watching a movie, I knit while I watch kids play in the yard, I knit while watching my brother play soccer, I knit in the car (when I'm not driving) I knit at 3am when the dog is keeping me up, or at 5am when I just can't sleep. It gives my hands something to do, and as long as my hands have something to do I feel like my mind calms down. It's basically my own personal in house therapy session that I can basically take anywhere with me. And I rarely go anywhere without it. Check my backpack or purse...it usually contains 3 things. Keys, wallet, and knitting needles.  I love it and it's so incredibly good for me. Which may seem silly, but believe me it's not.

So yeah. Don't be surprised or offended if you see me with knitting needles. It doesn't mean I'm not listening to you, because if anything, I'm more focused while I'm knitting. 

Woody had his 5th surgery this week. He tore his acl, again, and had to have surgery Wednesday. He's been in alot of pain and that first two days he was home he literally was either sleeping, crying, moaning, or just so out of it he didn't seem like a real person. It was horrible to watch and even harder to go through Im sure and then I felt bad for him. But at the same time now that he's doing better I'm ready for him to stop acting so entitled and bossing everyone around. Sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for him when a family friend's little girl just relapsed with AML or when one of my dearest friends spent most of her summer in the hospital. I need to be more sympathetic, I know. But sometimes I get frustrated with him.. (Wanna guess what I do when that happens? You guessed right. Knit.)

So yeah. I don't really know what else to update on at this point..plus dad is calling me to help him with something. So more soon! (I think)

Do you ever have those days or weeks where you realize just how much someone means to you? Whether it's a significant other, family member, or just a close friend? Do you have those moments where you just suddenly stop and think about how lucky you are to have such a person in your life? 

I'm having one of those weeks this week. Maybe because my two best friends are going to college next week. Maybe because I've just love spending time with them this past week. I don't know what's caused it exactly, all I know is it's been one of those weeks that I've realized how truly blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life.

But today in particular I've been extremely thankful for this girl:

For those of you who don't know her, this is Emily Koontz. If you don't know her, you've surely heard me talk about her.

Emily has been in my life basically since I can really remember well. We've known each other for some 5 or 6 years (we figured this out recently)  and I certainly cannot picture my life without her now.

Emily is seriously one of the most amazing girls I know. She's kind, funny, loyal, crazy, energetic, loving, and about a million other things. 

She has been a constant encouragement to me since we became friends. Never has there been a time where she's not been the best friend she could have been. She's always been there for me. She's always there to make me smile, laugh, talk, eat, or be serious when I need to be. I told someone recently Emily is kind of like part of my foundation- she helps me keep standing strong when I'm ready to fall down. 

She's also basically one of the cutest things ever, I mean, just look at her! :)

This week I've read alot through old diaries and stuff and looked through tons of old pictures, and I've realized just how special Emily is to me. Not that I haven't realized it before, because I have. Sometimes these things just hit you. From doing the plays together, to talking about boys..(well, she's listened while I've talked about my current crush and she's dealt with my crappy boyfriend choices in the past... I deserve a slap for that one), to swimming, camping, soccer (I've watched she's played) we've supported eachother and our friendship is just one of those I feel so blessed to have. 

God has seriously given me one of the best friends in the world. Emily is an amazing woman of God who encourages me in my walk with Him and in my life in general. I only hope I can be as a good of a friend to her as she's been to me...She's set the standard pretty freaking high! 

I am so blessed. Period. End of story. 

Surrender

I've discovered the secret to life. Are you ready for it?

Surrender.

The definition of the word surrender is: to yield (something) or to give over the power to another

I've struggled with surrendering since I can remember. I always worry about everything and like to have things in my own hands. I don't even like other people driving me around (Unless it's Caroline, because I trust her driving more then my own). 

I've been told ever since I was a little kid that we have to surrender our lives to God in order to truly live. At 5 I didn't understand that. At 10 I still wasn't positive what that meant. At 15 I ignored it, and now, almost at 20, I realize exactly what it means and why it is so incredibly important.

It's no secret I've struggled with relationships in the past. Whether that be relationships with friends or my parents, I've always struggled. I always worry about my friendships with people and think that one little mistake will screw things up and it's been a battle for me before in my life. I always ask people if they're mad at me- because I worry! It's just silly.

This summer has been a hard summer for one of my best friends and I. Somethings have been said and done that has left us barely talking. I'm not even sure what exactly happened. This is typically something that would literally drive me insane because when something is wrong I immediately enter "fix it mode" and if I can't fix it I get upset and I go crazy and drive everyone around me crazy too. This time, it's not like that.

From the very start of this summer when everything started going wrong I gave this relationship over to God. I wrote in my journal, "Lord, I am putting this relationship in your hands. Do with it as you will, and let your will be done. Keep my heart, mind and attitude in the right place and give me the strength to trust you with this and not spend my summer worrying." 

I don't think I believed at the time giving it over to God was gonna work.

It did.

I haven't been upset. I haven't been constantly worried about it. God has given me a peace about it that I know could only come from Him.  That's not to say I haven't had my moments where I've gotten frustrated, or angry, or upset about the whole situation, because I have. But they never last long. God reminds me He is in control and His will will be done and He has a plan, and I'm comforted and I'm okay. (But I'm still going to jump for joy when this whole situation works itself out)

Surrender...it's so key. It's the way to true peace.

That's just one example of what I've surrendered to God this summer. There's been so much more, and I've found that I am truly happier now then I have been in a very long time. 

God is good friends. He is so good. 

So what is something you need to give over to God these days? Maybe a friendship, maybe money problems, maybe family troubles, the list could go on forever. Surrendering isn't always going to be easy, but I think it's always going to be worth it. 

This song kinda goes with this blog post a little bit. It's one of my all time favorites. Give it a listen. 

Overcome

Watch these videos. Be prepared to cry. I did. But then again, I'm addicted to this song. This girl  has come through so much. 

One day I hope to be able to tell my story as freely as she does. Needless to say, this week I became a major Demi Lovato fan. 

I promise I'll update on my life soon. I could be making some pretty drastic changes in my life this weekend. So once I figure all that out, I'm sure there will be an update.

Nationals

Earlier today I was reminded of the fact that I have been a christian for two years, almost exactly.

My youngest brother, Max, is at nationals currently. Nationals is what we call this huge national youth conference that our youth group goes to every two years. I got to talk to him earlier today and he was telling me about the trip and he went, "you were saved at nationals right?"

If there was a point in my life that I was saved, I believe it to be at nationals. 

I had been getting to know God and had been starting my relationship with him for several months before Nationals, which was at the end of June/beginning of July. I was still having trouble surrendering to Him, and I was still angry and confused about things that had happened in the past. That was what really was holding my relationship with God back. I was still angry at him for letting things that had happened, happen. 

The youth group was leaving for nationals and I was not going with. It was something you had needed to sign up for months in advance, and when they passed to forms out I had tossed mine in the garbage, thinking there was no way I was going to something like that. That had been a mistake, and as I watched the vans pull out I wished I was going on that trip. There were circumstances that week I would have had to deal with at home that just would not have been good.

God knew that, and that night, once the youth group was already in Ohio, our youth leader called and said a kid had wanted to leave, and that I could have his spot, if I could get there that night.  God was providing and protecting me even then, and I had no idea all the great things he had in store for me that week. 

My daddy, bless his heart, drove me all the way to ohio completely last minute. I literally had 5 minutes to pack before we hit the road. We got there, i  met my roommates, and fell asleep quickly. 

The whole beginning of the week was kind of one big blur. The sessions were amazing, the worship incredible, and everything was great. We made backpacks for kids in Africa, went to seminars on worship, played games, and just hung out as a group.

Caroline and Rachel being silly

Rachel was the motherly one, here she's ironing Morgan's shirt for her.

Making backpacks for Global Fingerprints

We slid oreos from our foreheads to our mouths. It was fun watching everyone try.

One of the better pictures of Caroline and I. Note her hair was longer then mine at this point. We look so young!

At nationals some of the guys always shave their heads

C with my phone. I don't remember what she was doing

The night before we left we had a prayer session. The worship was focused on prayer and there were booths set up all around the conference room for the some 5000 teens in the room to make their way around to look at.

I remember looking at the booth with the broken mirrors, and all of a sudden something happened and I don't even know what happened, but the next thing I knew I was on the floor with two of my dearest friends, Caroline and Rachel,  and I was bawling. We sat there in a corner of the center for who knows how long, Rachel and I crying, Caroline comforting and trying to figure out what had happened. I think someone handed us tissues at some point.  Eventually we made our way back to our seats, Rachel went to talk with someone, and Caroline and I sat and prayed together. That was the first time I ever remember praying out loud with someone other then a family member. 

Later on that night when we had left the conference center, Caroline and I were walking together   and she quickly asked what had happened. I told her that in those few minutes I had heard God tell me so incredibly clearly that he loved me, and I had literally felt all my anger towards Him taken away. It was the most powerful, emotional, amazing feeling I've ever experienced. I can't even describe it well. But I couldn't stop smiling and thanking God. Caroline and I walked arm and arm back to the hotel where we were staying, smiling and laughing the whole way.

That night is still fresh in my mind, even if I do forget the exact day now. The point is, since then I've worked at my relationship with God, and though its had its up and downs, its been there, growing and growing ever since then and even before. But nationals was the first time I ever remember believing God loved me, because I heard him tell me.

I still feel so blessed that God provided a way for me to go to nationals. It was incredible. And Im so glad Max got to go to it this year. I hope he takes away from it as much as I did. 

Lessons from The Blind Side

    

Have you ever heard of the Popcorn Theory? I hadn’t either until I read a book written by real life Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy, who you’ve probably heard of  from the Blind Side. 

“The Popcorn Theory goes something like this: You can’t help everyone, but you can help those, or at least try to help those, who pop up right in front of your face…The popcorn theory is about noticing others. Its about acknowledging a person’s potential and value. It’s about seeing him, instead of looking past him.”

The Tuohy family used the popcorn theory when helping Michael out. He literally popped up right in front of their face on the side of the road one night. They took him in, loved him, nurtured him, cared for him, and helped him grow into the amazing man he turned out to be. Not for any specific reason, other than they knew they could help this kid who had “popped” right out in front of them. They didn’t  help him because they thought he would make a great athlete, or because they thought he would make them famous, they helped him because they were kind, and took the time to notice a need and fill it.

When Michael was selecting a school to go to, of course the Touhy family encouraged him to go to Ole Miss, where they all had gone. But when Michael did choose Ole Miss, he faced a whole new set of questions.

People began asking why the Touhy family would take in a 300 something pound black kid and take the time to invest in him. They began suggesting that the Touhy family took in Michael just to send him to Ole Miss to make the football team great. An idea that had never once popped into Michael’s head, or the Touhy’s head for that matter.

Sometimes when you are kind, people will think you have ulterior motives when that is just not the case. Like with the Touhy family.   Sometimes when you are  kind people will think you are trying to manipulate them.

The Touhy family was shocked at those accusations, and said they would have done it over again if Michael hadn’t known how to play football.  They had grown to love Michael, and they would have done anything for him. The people still accused, but they let the accusations slide right off and continued to be kind to not only Michael, but hundreds of other kids.

Leigh Anne started charities.

Collins taught cheerleading at an all black high school.

Sean put more kids on lunch programs then he could count.

They didn’t do any of this because they were trying to get attention, but because they believed in giving back, and firmly lived by the verse that says “To whom much is given much is required.”                                                                                            

Our world could use more families like the Touhy’s.

Lesson from all this? Be kind to people, even though they may take your kindness and turn it into something it was never meant to be. Don’t get discouraged when people accuse you of have ulterior motives, even when that’s just not the case. Be like the Touhy family.

And if you want a really goooood book to read, read this:

http://www.amazon.com/In-Heartbeat-Sharing-Cheerful-Giving/dp/B004KAB32A/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1340761988&sr=8-2&keywords=in+a+heartbeat

Come Here My Child

This poem sums up how I've been feeling the past week more then any blog post ever could. God is there through it all. He will never let us go. 

Come here my child

I’ll wipe all your tears

I’ll hold you close

And calm all your fears

I know her words

They hurt you so

So come here my child

For I’ll never let you go

And though they may see you

As just an annoying girl

To me you are more valuable

Then a most precious pearl

Though they may do or say things

Behind your back

In doing so they don’t realize,

all that they lack

Look at the children

Whose lives you have touched

Look at the little girl

Who to you once clutched

Look at those girls

Whose lives you’ve helped mend

Who’ve told you you helped saved them

By being a real friend

So though some you love may not value you

Let the truth be told

You, My servant

Are more precious than gold

So come here my child

And I’ll hold your hand

And when they try to knock you down

I’ll help you to stand

Stand firm in your faith

And what you believe

For I love you

More then your mind can conceive

So though they may be ashamed

To have you as a friend

In my eyes you are a precious child

With whom none can contend

So though they have hurt you

Please try to forgive

For being sad and angry

Is no way to live

And continue to love them

As I’ve called you to do

For your reward will be great

Oh, if only you knew

And please try to realize

This is all a part of my plan

For you to become as strong

As only I know you can

So though their words may hurt

And their actions cause you to cry

Remember that I love you

So much so, I was willing to die

I died on a cross

So that you could live

Live a life for me

Giving all you can give

So keep holding on my child

Keep fighting through

Fight through the pain, the tears

As I know you can do

Come here my child

For this you should know

While others may hurt you

I will never let you go.

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

Micah 6:8  He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Luke 6:31-36 Do to others as you would have them do to you. "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful