Okay, I know I promised this post yesterday, but I ended up not being home practically all day, so it's coming now.
In my last post I mentioned some things that I have been struggling with these past few weeks:
1) Lots of emotional stuff to work through
2) Housing issues
3) Finding a summer job (which may not have been mentioned, but I'm mentioning it now because it was on my mind a lot last week)
4) Unending amounts of homework to do
There was so much going on and my heart and soul did feel like they were being crushed. By the time I got home for spring break every part of me was worn out.
I realized though that for the past few weeks I have been focusing a lot on myself and how much I have been going through and how much I was hurting and how betrayed I felt. (See the pattern of I?) I also realized I had spent a lot of time being frustrated with God for allowing everything that happened to happen in such a short period of time.
I heard this song on the radio on my way home from school on Friday, and I happened to hear this part of the song:
I am Yours regardless of
the dark clouds that may loom above
because You are much greater than my pain.
You who made a way for me
by suffering Your destiny,
so tell me, what's a little rain?
So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
bring the chance to be free
bring me anything that brings You glory.
And I know there'll be days
when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus bring the rain.
And I realized just how much I had shut God out of everything that had been going on. And with tears streaming down my face I began to pray that God would soften my heart, draw me closer to him, and prayed that above all else His will would be done in my life in the upcoming months. I prayed later that He would give me the strength and courage to trust Him with my life because I have no control on what happens. I prayed He would help me be content with the unknown. And for the first time, I turned everything over to Him.
That was Friday.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were sweet days for God and I. It really amazes me sometimes how much our relationship with God is like all the other relationships in our lives- you have to pour into it in order for it to grow. And I'm not saying in three days everything was fixed by any means because it was/is far from that- but I am saying that in those three days I began to slowly feel God's peace in me- a peace I know can only come from Him. I continued to pray that he would work things out and show me what He wanted from me.
And by Monday, I started to see how much He was working, and how he had just been waiting on me to rely fully on Him and give everything over to him.
Blessing/Answer to prayer #1- Monday afternoon I got a call from a lady named Tina who had heard about me from a friend who knows someone at Bethel church. (The back story to this is that my grandma had sent an email to the lady who runs the church email service asking her to put out an ad, along with the 60+ other adds, saying that I was looking for a summer job that involved working with children with disabilities. These emails get sent out to thousands of people in Indiana). The ad went out on Monday. Within three hours this lady called me, explaining that she was in need of a full time nanny for her daughter during the summer. Jenna has autism and is nonverbal. We set up an interview, which happened tonight. I got the job. I also got to meet the girl I will be working with. She is older- she is 16. Like I said a minute ago she is non-verbal; she can only speak about fifteen words. But she is fluent in sign language- something I did not know going in. The look on her mom (Tina's) face when I began signing back to Jenna was priceless and Jenna was excited as well. I am going to be working long days- from 6am-4pm, Monday- Friday. It will be tiring, but I am super excited to be able to have this opportunity. And God really opened all the right doors and showed me this is what he wants me to do:
That was just the beginning.
So I found a summer job. I would have been overjoyed with just that.
Blessing/Answer to prayer #2- Then on Wednesday we found out that my grandpa's radiation treatments worked!! There is no new cancer in his body, his tumors are stable, and he does not have to go back to Northwestern for 6 months! Praise Jesus! In case you didn't know, grandpa has stage four lung cancer and the radiation treatments were not expected to work. There were many tears of joy and lots of celebrating that went on. He celebrated by buying himself a new tool chest complete with 20 something tool drawers.
Blessing #3- Also on Wednesday I got to spend the day hanging out with Jacob.
Jacob definitely knows me well. And he brings a joy to my heart that no one else can. I am so thankful for the three years I was able to work with him, and I am also soooo thankful that our relationship did not stop just because I went to college. Jacob still remembers all our little games, the things we do that are "our things" like racing to see who can get their seat belt on the quickest. I love that whenever I come home for an extended period of time I am able to see him once or twice- and I love that I'll be getting to see more and more of him this summer.
Blessing/Answer to prayer #4- I found roommates! Well, kind of. I had found a group of four girls to room with, and then at the last minute they picked a different girl. Turns out that the girl they picked found other people to room with, meaning they still needed a fifth girl (----> me). I'm a little nervous about rooming with them next year because they did pick someone else first- I'm not who they would have chosen, but right now I am just thankful that I have people to room with that as far as I know are not druggies or serial killers. I'm trusting that this is what God wants right now, and so I'm okay with that.
Blessing/Answer to prayer #5- Very, very, very needed family time. I did not get to spend as much time with my family as I would have liked this break. I was gone almost every day during the day from the morning until the late afternoon, so really my family time happened Tuesday night, all day Thursday, and tonight. But the times I have been able to spend with my family have been super super sweet and fun.
We have played lots of Catan and Farkle...
Family game nights are perhaps one of my very favorite parts about being home. I love the laughter, fun, and just sweetness that comes out of the nights we hang out all of us together.
I also got some much needed- Emily & Max bonding time this week. I've missed him a lot, and this week we have actually hung out a decent amount. We've played lots of mario cart, ran errands together, and yeah. I think Friday was the highlight though, because he was genuinely excited to have me home, which made my heart dance. Then on Wednesday night he and I spent the whole evening together. I picked him up from youth group, and then we came back to the house, did a power clean/dance party, and then watched the Incredibles together- no computers and no phones. It was wonderful. We basically relived our childhood when we used to pretend to be Violet and Dash.
We also spent the day in Chicago on Thursday, which was a blast. I had more fun that day then I have had in a very very long time. I LOVE my family. So much.
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| We're cool. |
I feel like there have been many other blessings this week, but I sadly have to go do homework. That's the major things that have happened in the past few days. It amazes me how blessed I am.
Thank you to all you that have kept me in your prayers the past few weeks..I can't tell you how much it means to me.
